Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Six Ways to Beat LA

Cause I know, you're gonna wanna kick it wit me
But I know, none of y'all can get with me,

So you think you're protected?

Well you are till you put a funky beat on a record...


Slushy Gutter looks deep inside six possible ways that the Nugs can counter their Game One loss to the Lakers and turn the tide in the series:

1- Vanna White. Pau Gasol has got to be wondering what the f*ck happened to the missing 'L' in his name. It shouldn't matter that he's Spanish, there's no legitimate dude named Pau. Remember that group T'Pau from the 80s? Yeah, they were lame. Pau will see Vanna and be instantly distracted, hoping she has his elusive 'L'


2- Zone. Interviews with the Nugs on Monday revealed a mixed bag on the zone defense that keyed the Nugs' run in the 2nd quarter. When it was used, the team excelled on both ends, and when it was abandoned in the 3rd, the Lakers went right by them. Kenyon Martin seemed a bit perturbed when asked why they stopped the defense, barking "I'm not the head coach." On the other hand, Marcus Camby offered that man to man is the real way top play defense, the- to paraphrase- the manly way. Sh*t, us Nug fans don't care if they play with Little Richard at the point and in pink tutus, manly or not...just win the game.

3- Rugged. How would the Lakers respond if the Nugs went mid-90s Knicks and started to hack and play extremely rough? The knock on European players that they are soft could come to fruition if the Nugs employ the 'Bad Boy' style (not, I'm not talking shiny suits.) Would Kobe further stray from the lane and would Lil' Walton be keen to banging inside with the Nugs?


4- Pearl Street in L.A.- Get a few dudes with hemp hoodies, a hacky sack, a couple Samuel Smith beers, and a couple chicks spinning hoops, and Pau Gasol and his granola-ass look would forget about hoops and join the drum circle. And Bill Walton would probably drag Luke there too

5- Insert crude Kobe Bryant joke here.

6- Reshuffle- The game slowed down when Carmelo came back in with the Nugs holding the lead and what seemed to be massive momentum in the 2nd. Melo should hold the ball for no more than a few seconds before slashing, dishing, or shooting. His back down style in Game One stifled JR Smith and Linas Kleiza, who were flying all over the court. If Melo can't get with the flying style, he needs to spend a bit more time on the bench.

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7 Comments:

Anonymous Spotwood said...

I have a feeling that the only way our Nuggets win this series is if they trap Kobe and Pau on the team bus the next time it spontaneously combusts.

10:35 AM  
Anonymous gaybiz luvs giraffe nuts in his mouth said...

I loved TPau- I would dress in a pink bonnet and dance like a fragile lily when they were on

3:56 PM  
Blogger Hercules Rockefeller said...

They need to send Eddie Najara in there to knee people and throw some elbows. He's such an irritating bastard, I bet he'd do it.

8:11 PM  
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