Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Urine Luck!

Back for the payback, I must say that
I heard your new jam, I don't play that
It ain't loud enough punk, it ain't hitting
This year you tried, next year you're quitting...

Like any real Coloradoan, I just have an innate ability to hate all that is the University of Nebraska. With the annual post-Turkey Day clash upcoming, I always relish the chance to go over in my mind why I quite simply put- despise and loathe those corn shucking flatlanders. A few of my favorites:

1- While skiing in the grandeur that is the Colorado Rocky Mountains, nothing spoils a picturesque day quite like seeing some yokel adorned in a 1994-era Nebraska Starter jacket swishing down the mountain.

2- When the Buffs do beat the Huskers, it’s never “they played well” or “kudos to them.” But rather the talk amongst the Bugeaters inevitably turns to the horrendous treatment that CU fans dish out to them. It makes John McCain’s stay at the Hanoi Hilton seem easy.

3- The Commish has actually rooted for the Fuskers twice in his life: the 1991 Gator Bowl versus Georgia Tech, where a Lil Red victory would’ve assured CU a unanimous National Championship; and the 1996 Big 12 Championship, where a Lil’ Red win would’ve put CU in a Bowl Series Bowl. Need less to say, the Losers from Lincoln lost both games.

4- Draped over a highway overpass in 1990: “Sal Is Dead, Go Big Red”

5- Chris Anderson’s dropped TD passes in 1996; Ben Kelly dropping an onside kick in 1997; Mike Moschetti throwing an INT on the first play in 1998; Jeremy Aldrich missing a 29 yard FG in 1999; Gary Barnett’s squib kick in 2000.

6- Their fans talking that the 1995 squad that won the National Championship could beat some NFL teams. I’ve seriously heard this on more than a few occasions, usually along the lines of “the 95 team would’ve taken down the 05 Steelers, that team was overrated.”

7- While singing the CU Fight song at the Commish’s wedding, a group of sodbusters (yes, I actually do have some that are friends) broke into their hideous fight song to try to counter. Appropriately it is titled “There Is No Place Like Nebraska.” To which I always reply, “thank God.”

8- Eric Crouch and Scott Frost. Those two guys just seem like a couple of douches that you see at your HS reunion still trying to impress all the girls with tales of their HS glory days while wearing a button down GAP shirt.

9- Local bars that hang Nebraska flags from their rafters, prompting former Slushy Gutter Winner Juck to scale the wall unnoticed, pull down the flag, attempt to run out onto the street, only to be tackled by an alert bouncer. They wrestled playing tug-o-war with the flag for a few seconds, and finally the bouncer yells, “hey man, what’s your problem!?” Juck replies “I hate Nebraska!”

10- Tom Osbourne voting against his own conference and costing CU the unanimous National Championship in 1990.

11- Complaining Nebraska fans in the mid-90s that ultimately lead to Folsom Field banning the sale of beer at the games. That's a big deal around here at the SG. If they somehow banned Hip Hop, we'd probably march on Lincoln.

Now, if you excuse me, I have to go fill some urine bombs for Friday’s game.

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8 Comments:

Anonymous Spotwood said...

Don't forget to take your battery laden marshmellows.

This year I actually want their fans to have something to complain about when they cry about the treatment they get in Boulder.

12:29 PM  
Anonymous grandaddy dirty crotch said...

Im drinking about 2 gal of water and just skip the baloons and just straight pissing on them

1:59 PM  
Blogger bufffan123 said...

Funny, but all too real. I got 5 stiches due to D cell hitting my head in the only game I went to in that lucky year I got to live in Boulder.

2:08 PM  
Anonymous r kelly said...

who's peeing on who? Count me in

6:13 PM  
Blogger Hallux Valgus said...

who's crying now? Go Buffs! Eff Nebraska in their stupid toothless faces. No one in LA gets it. We had a dozen at my house @ 9 in the damn morning to root. did I mention eff Nebraska?!?

I didn't see the end, but I'm disappointed if they rushed the field. Act like you've been there. Because we have. We took down the Solich era, and now we're telling them that they're not any better that they were 6 years ago. We're rebuilding. SAVE BILL CALLAHAN!!!!

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

Yeah they did rush the field, but honestly, we're talking about a team that won two games last year. Getting bowl eligible is a big deal. Let the kids have their fun (although I'd be willing to bet there were a couple SG 'kids' out there as well.)

10:49 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. Commish said...

None of the SG faithful made it to the field. They were too busy talking sh*t to the worst fans I have ever seen.

Such a bunch of crybabies. But they "have better beef than CO does", so I guess that makes them winners in their minds.

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Boulder Creek Tailgater said...

I have no sympathy for NE fans. They think they are freaking college royalty. Seeing them file out in the 4th made me happy. have fun back in shitholeville, losers.

10:47 AM  

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