Tuesday, November 06, 2007

So Horny

I stand accused of doing harm
Cause I'm louder than a bomb...

A couple of bluehairs out in the ‘burbs of this Ol’ Cow Town has some sort of contraption made of six car horns, a flashing light, a car battery, and even a squirrel, an old Chubb Rock cassette tape, two bobby pins, and Orson Mobley’s jock strap. Alright, I made up the last four.

The couple remotely blow the contraption (yes, they even have a remote) for each Broncos point. And they’ve been doing it for the past 30 years. This year, a snooty lawyer type who lives nearby in one of the many swanky neighborhoods that are popping up in Denver and the area is complaining over the noise.

Lucky for Mr Lawyer that the Donks hanvn’t exactly been scoring at their 1998 pace this year, eh? He might think he’s in downtown Tokyo during rush hour. Now the couple and the lawyer are facing each other down in court over noise ordinances and public disturbances and all that legal mumbo jumbo.

My question is can we rent the contraption for various functions in everyday life? A co-worker tries to snake your leftover ravioli from the fridge? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Your kid won’t finish his dinner? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Some ahole clerk at the DMV won’t move the line quickly? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Some jerkoff in your fantasy football league is debating whether a fumble and a muff are the same? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Some jackoff blogger is spouting off useless info simply to fill space? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

'Horn of Plenty of Noise' - Rocky Mountain News

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3 Comments:

Blogger Dart Adams said...

I feel you on this piece, Commish. I also wanted to apologize for the asskickin' the Celtics laid on the Nuggets last night. When the lead went up to 41 I just shook my head and said "This is all types of wrong!"

One.

9:04 AM  
Blogger Commish CH said...

Ugh, that was a whuppin. Between that and the Sox thumping the Rockies, we're a little Bostoned out right now here in CO.

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Sothern Grits said...

Shit man, your reference to a "donk" is all wrong! You went to Georgia, you should know what a donk is homie. http://carblog.99rides.com/images/box-car.jpg

9:22 PM  

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