Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Taken from Tulo

You ain't tryin to hot box with me, I swing hard liquor
Goin down by the second round, all hail the underground…

Little known facts the voters should’ve considered before voting for Ryan Braun over hometown hero Troy Tulowitzski for NL Rookie of the year:

1-Braun used to use a frying pan for a mitt, but after he switched, no one really noticed.

2-Braun: Milwaukee; Tulo: Colorado. Miller makes Coors look like a glass of vintage Dom Perignon.

3-Braun is noticeably aroused each time the Chorizo wins the Hot Dog race.

4-Braun didn’t come up to the majors until May, little does anyone know, he wasn’t really in the minors. He was working as a go-go dancer at an underground S&M club.

5-When eating cinnamon buns, Braun has to use a feed bag, because he always drops them on his lap, making his pants real sticky.

6-Tulo plays in a tough to play park in Coors Field. Braun plays in a park looks like an airplane hangar taken over by munchkins.

7-The first time the Milwaukee manager asked Braun what position he played he unexpectedly said ‘E5’

8-Tulo wears his hat all cool like some bad ass rapper; Braun’s hat has a chin strap so it won’t fall off while he’s chasing balls all over the infield.

9-Braun went to the University of Miami; Tulo went to Long Beach. Current football records: Miami 5-6, Long Beach 0-0. Scoreboard Tulo!

10-Braun: Miami:Luther Campbell. Tulo:Long Beach:Snoop. Nuff said.



Anonymous Spotwood said...

The awards this year are ridiculous. I can at least see some logic in giving Braun ROY. I don't agree with the decision but I can at least see an argument.

The two I can't figure out are the Gold Gloves and Manager of the Year.

Tulo had more chances, a better range factor, a better fielding % and more putouts than Jimmy Rollins yet Rollins wins the Gold Glove. The only way that makes sense is if he's not winning the MVP and they decided to give him a consolation przie. Even then, it's horseshit.

Finally, manager of the year. I'm on record as saying that Clint Hurdle is a bad manager. I've always believed that his team plays well in spite of him, not because of him. All that being said, they choose Bob Melvin! At least Melvin's team was chosen to finish somewhere other than dead last in their division in preseason. I can see the whole, they overachieved angle, but then again so did the Rockies, lest we remember that they beat the D-Backs in the postseason.

I'm a homer fan, but they deserve a little credit here instead of being looked at as a massive fluke. I sure hope this year they come out and punch some people in the face in April, show them they belong.

2:04 PM  
Anonymous skyler ulbrecht said...

Deep down, real fans knew this would happen. And we all know Holliday will get the shaft on MVP. It happens with Carmelo, Sakic, Champ Bailey (shouldve been MVP in 06) on down the line. The mountain time zone is a forgotten afterthought. I bet Braun will be a journeyman, like a Richie Sexson type. Unless Fielder eats him.

8:33 AM  

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