5280: Halfway Home

Kick your dopest rhyme I'll break it up like 3rd Bass

I'm from the crew that sets it off by sprayin beer in your face...

The Slushy Gutter Summer Mission hit the halfway point this week, as the troops tried to keep up with the torrid pace set the previous holiday week. Unfortunately, most of the minions fell off like Barry Bonds' knees. Setting a new low in his lethargic wallow was former two-time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub, who tallied a weak 14 beers over the week. The "fearless" leader Commish, could now be known as the "beerless" leader as he posted only 20 beers; among those were the Summer's first Harp Lagers at the Colorado Irish Festival; Erin Go Braugh, brah! Broz upped the ante a bit, as he swilled nearly 30 beers including a handful at Cherry Creek Reservoir and another first, some ill Hamms beers. Slick Rip also came in the low end, posting in the low 20s and making a Hooters appearance; not sure if he works there or went for the wings? Former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles is becoming Mr. Consistency, as he again came in with a stout number in the 30s, as did former two-time Slushy Gutter Winner JayBiz, who endured a brutal Friday Bachelor Party which cramped the remainder of his weekend.

At this point in the Mission, three riders have separated themselves from the Peloton. Two-time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck again posted large numbers at 60+ as he stomached a huge Vegas trip and more micros. Current Slushy Gutter winner Jeez Steve posted 54 beers, among those were 10+ Bud Lights at the Mile High Nationals. Alcohol fuel dragsters? How appropriate. Trav upped him by two, enduring a few poker games, $5 pitchers at a local joint, and a trip to a foothills cabin which saw him undertaking a Sunday bar crawl.

At the halfway mark, the crew is behind where we need to be for the hallowed 5,280 mark. The end of July, temperatures rising, ice cold beers will need to rise as well. (2579)