Slushy Gutter Bloated Bowls 2015

Bowls!  More bowls!  When you are done with those then more bowls!  Count it out like a late 90's rap song "mo bowls, mo bowls, mo bowls!"

There's enough bowls that every man, woman and child in the municipality of Henderson, Colorado can have their own bowl.  There's bowls named after states, bowls named for giant corporations, bowls named for processed foods, bowls named for other bowls.  Bowls take teams that have losing records (no joke here, that's real.) Bowls have their own bowls.

But who doesn't have a bowl?  Our Colorado Buffaloes.  For what seems like the 67th straight year, Colorado will not appear in a bowl game.  CU's last bowl game was the 2007 Independence Bowl versus Alabama.  I wonder what ever happenned to the Crimson Tide after that game.

What we do have is the 10th Annual SG Bowl Pick Em.  This year is a bit new, there's no confidence points and it's open to anyone.  Whoever can join, just don't give a single shit!  As always, the winner gets nothing but glory.  Enjoy!

CLICK HERE

Group ID = 8447

RELATED: Hieroglyphics - "You Never Knew"  ("And it's been a long time since I feel I've been felt. But the only thing I fear is fear itself...")

2014 on the Scene: Best CO Sports Moments

1 – PFM and Pot Roast come up big as Broncos beat the Patriots and advance to their seventh Super Bowl.

2 – Broncos get a bit of redemption from the Raven debacle by beating the Chargers and moving on to the AFC Championship.

3 – The CU Buffs men’s hoops team gets selected to their third straight NCAA tourney

4 – Peyton Manning breaks Brett Favre’s all time TD record in a game versus San Fran.

5 – Rockies clean their front office house and get rid of Dan O’Dowd and Bill Geivett.

6 – CU Buffs win a road game against the mighty UMass Minuteman in Foxboro.

7 - Avs and new coach Patrick Roy reclaim the Central Division title and return to playoffs.

8 - Kenneth Faried makes the all-tourney team as the USA claims gold at the World Hoops Cup.

9 - Vail’s Mikaela Shiffrin stars at the skiing portion of the Sochi Olympics.

10 – Broncos clinch the AFC West for the fourth straight year by beating the Chargers in San Diego.

BACK TO THE ESSENCE:

2013 Best
2012 Best of
2011 Best
2010 Tops
2009 Tops
2008 Best
2007 Tops
2006 Best

Slushy Gutter Bowl Festivus 2014

Another year, another empty void of bowl games for Colorado fans.  While our bowl-less streak is at seven years, the Slushy Gutter streak of stupidity that is the Bowl Pick Em challenge forges on.

Follow the link below and join.  Join twice, join with Mark May, join with the entire Cub Scout troop from your area, sign up people that you don't like, sign up under witty names, sign up with lame names like "Steve's Ass Kicking Picks."  Point is, sign up and live vicariously through the 1000 other bowl teams.

SLUSHY GUTTER BOWL PICK EM

GROUP ID = 2490

PASSWORD = beer


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SG Tadmania Bracket Challenge '14

Ho hum, another NCAA Touney for the Buffs.  That's three straight and more coaching fiyahhhhhh by Tad and crew.  Seriously though, anyone who has been a fan or student over the last 40 years in Boulder realizes it's just incredible what is going on with the program.  It was a hoops wasteland for the majority of that time and three straight NCAAs is almost incomprehensible.

In other words: real recognize real.

What is back again to match your wits with the hardwood is the SG Bracket Challenge.  And as always, the winner gets a fat plate of nothing, a trip to beautiful nada, and a take home prize of zilch.  Except for the title f being the baddest hoops mofo on the SG.

Slushy Gutter Brackets 14

On Yahoo (click here)

ID = 87454

Password = beer


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2013 For Certain: Top CO Sports Moments

1- Buffs’ guard Askia Booker Euro-steps his way to a buzzer beating 3-pointer as CU snaps a decade-long losing streak to the Jayhawks.

2- The Broncos and Cowboys go at it in a Jerry World sized offensive shoot out that finally sees the Broncos prevail in a game for the ages 51-48.

3- The Buffs force a fumble and scoop it up for a game clinching touchdown in the annual Rocky Mountain Showdown for Mike McIntyre’s first CU win.
 
4- Tad Boyle and CU avenge a loss to Oregon State four days earlier in the Pac 12 tourney in Las Vegas, ultimately netting their second straight NCAA trip and a 10 seed. 

5- Andre Miller reverses the clock and goes to the hole for a winning shot in game one of the Nuggets opening playoff series following a 57 win season.

6- Eric Decker has four TDs as the Broncos pass a critical road test in Kansas City, beating the Chiefs 35-28 and assuming control of the AFC West.

7- The Buffs avenge Sabatino Chen’s game winning overturned shot in Tucson by routing the Wildcats on St Valentine’s Day in Boulder.

8- Peyton Manning tosses touchdown number 51 to Julius Thomas in Houston against the Texans to break the single season TD mark.

9- Peyton Manning throws seven TDs and put the banner controversy in the on the back pages and beat the Ravens 49-27 in the NFL season opener.

10- CU earns it only Pac 12 football win as the  Buffs’ offense and super stud WR Paul Richardson put it on the Cal Bears in Boulder 41-24.

GOING BACK IN THE DAY:
2012 Best of
2011 Best
2010 Tops
2009 Tops
2008 Best
2007 Tops
2006 Best

SG Bowl Mania 2013

Colorado fans have had more than half a decade swaying in the great abyss that is non-bowl games.  That said, you can still be a Tax Slayer, a Wild Winger, a Chick Fil A, or even a Beef O' Brady in the Slushy Gutter Bowl Mania Pick Em Contest 2013!

(Or SGBMPEC13 for short)

As always, the winner gets the glory and praises of the entire football world (or at least the 30 or so people who will participate.)  Invite anyone to join, special bonus points if you leave the link on the bathroom stall at a seedy strip club.

Yahoo College Bowl Pick Em
Group ID# =  4849
Password =  beer

RELATED: Ras Kass - "Miami Life" - ("...and now a word from our sponsor")

Bohn Dry

More fun going on in Boulder, and we aren't talking about the dude who dressed as a giant dragon for the Bolder Bolder.  Mike Bohn, AD at CU, is out.  Chaos and seeminginly endless blunders, are back in.

The SG has uncovered some little known facts about the Mike Bohn firing  resignation:

-Chancellor Phil DiStephano had a $1 bet with Mortimer and Randolph on whether he could use the term "fund raising" more than 20 times at the press conference.
-CU higher ups never really jived with Bohn's constant long sleeve golf pullover/khakis/CU lanyard look.
-Word got back to President Bruce Benson that whenever Bohn passed a gargoyle statue on campus he'd say "Good monring Mr Benson."
-Bohn liked to use the term "trajectory" a lot, which always stumped DiStephano when he was doing crosswords.
-Bohn overheard Benson complaing about "this damn fax machine" and mistakenly thought he said "start a damn lax team,"  hence CU will have women's lacrosse next year.
-CU higher ups realized just how far fund raising lagged when the only thing the received in April was a box of rusty door knobs from a home remodel in Lafayette.
-Mike Bohn was planning on further capitalizing on the C-Unit success by signing 50 Cent to the group.
-Dan Hawkins' instagram photos of him bathing in tubs of CU's money was finally starting to wear on Benson.
-While Jon Embree complained of a lack of bottled water, Bohn was constantly harping on the lack of potatoes and gravy stations throughout Dal Ward.
-With Bohn receiving eight season tickets to CU football for life as aprt of the settlement, next year's attendance will improve 25%

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SG Tadapalooza '13 Bracket Challenge

That's two straight NCAA tournaments for the Black And Gold, but the SG Bracket Challenge streak goes even longer.  This year we go back to the essence, no weirdo bets, no pay in, no one having to jump into a freezing cold lake in their underwear (except Kate Upton, she HAS to...)

Rules are pretty simple: fill out your SG Bracket, use a clever nickname, check back and watch your bracket go in flames on the first weekend.  Invite anyone you want...good luck...

SG BRACKET CHALLENGE (click here)

ID : 79396

PASSWORD : beer

(make sure to check the terms box) 
 

RELATED: Steady B - "Serious (BDP Mix)" - ("...Tad Money, definitely serious...")

2012 Pack: Top Colorado Sports Moments

1- DeMaryius Thomas Goes 80 Yards for TD in Playoff OT- Bedlam ensues at Mile High.

2- Four Games, Four Wins for Pac 12- Staples Center becomes Coors West thanks to Buffs and C-Unit.

3- Buffs get big win in The Pit- Buffs go back to NCAA tourney in Albuquerque and beat UNLV.

4- Broncos sign Peyton Manning- That’s Mr. PFM to you and the rest of the NFL.

5- Nuggets Force Game Seven- Down 3-1, Nuggets win in LA in Game 5, back in Denver in Game 6.

6- Halftime Deficit? So What?- Broncos start winning streak by streaking past Chargers on MNF.

7- Buffs Bring in Coach Mac- SJSU's Mike McIntyre pegged to bring CU Football back to relevance.

8- Hometown Girl Does Good- Colorado teenager Missy Franklin goes multi gold in London.

9- Buffs Do The Charleston- CU Hoops avenge Baylor loss and win Charleston Classic Tourney.

10- For One Day It Was Fantastic- Buffs win only game of the year at Washington State in exciting fashion.

TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE:
2011 Tops
2010 Tops
2009 Tops
2008 Tops
2007 Tops
2006 Tops

Christmas SG Style

Christmas is the SG House and with it comes the tree and all the trimmmings. Like many readers, one may wonder: "what is hanging on the SG Christmas Tree?"  Falling in line with the pillars we rep here, let's take a look...

-CU Ornaments: 15 - Yes, the number of ornaments on the tree outnumbers the wins by the football team over the last four seasons.

-Beer Ornaments: 5 - The favorite is El Boracho ornamnent, which is described as "Mexican or Chicano slang for a drunkard."  Si, pass mas cereveza...Feliz Navidad.

-Rockies Ornaments: 1 - There was two, but one broke over the long storage season.  Kind of like the actual team.

-Nuggets Ornaments: 1 - Surprisingly equal to the number of outside jumpers hit by the team last night.  However, there are a couple gifts wrapped in Nuggets' wrapping paper.  If only the team played that tight of defense.

-Broncos Ornaments: 2 - One of them is a John Elway figurine that is missing his right foot.  The since deceased cat bit it off some years ago.  Damn cat was always a Chargers fan.

-Hip Hop Ornaments: 0 - Always thought a Krylon can on top of the tree might be a nice touch

RELATED: De La Soul f/ Redman - "Oooooh" - ("all my goodies out from under the tree, except the CDs of shiny-suit rappers and flossin emcees who fail at takin it to rhyme degrees")

SG Bowl Mania 2012

It must be the Holiday season again: decorations, present shopping, and CU is no where to be seen in teh myriad of upcoming bowl games.  Fear not Buff fans, because we still pick all the bowl games.  Take that and stick it in your garish blazer, bowl people.

This year the winner of the SG Bowl Mania will get to be the next CU coach!  Invite everyone and anyone to join.  Except for one Mr Butch Jones, he probably wouldn't be able to decide if he wanted in anyway.

Yahoo College Bowl Pick Em
id = 21273
password = beer

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Coach Mac Losing It

Other things that Coach Mac had in his letter/rant about the entire CU situation:

-Judge Joe Brown should be on at 3:00pm, and not any later to interfere with dinner!

-My Lawn: stay off it.

-King Soopers offers a way better grapefruit selection than Safeway. But make sure you wait for a sale.

-That damn rappy music. What ever happened to Pat Boone and Sinatra?

-I refuse to have an battery powered pencil sharpener. What happens if I'm halfway through the crossword and the batteries run out?

-You can't get a good pair of house slippers in Boulder.

-I used to be able to get a cup of coffee at McDonalds. Now there's whipped cream, mocha, sprinkles, and chocolate swirls!

-There's way too many 6pm games. I'm well into bedtime by then.

-I can't believe CU doesn't have recliners in the team room.

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Legalize and I Advertise

How Colorado legalizing the chronic will affect the various sports teams:

--"Coach Embree?  There's a Mr. Ricky Williams on line one asking if we are hiring?"

--The old 'D' Bronco logo?  The smoke coming out of the horse's nostrils?  Yep.

--CU Buffs award MJ leafs on the back of their helmets for touchdowns, big tackles, interceptions, and mastering a six foot bong.

--Coors Field humidor will keep your weed fresh and green for later use.

--All those charity "Bowl A Thon" events take on new meaning.

--Training tables consisting of chili cheese nachos and cold pizza will force Frito Lay to hire dozens of new sales reps and drivers.

--Denver Nuggets?  Nuggets?  Nuggets (followed by 20 minutes of laughter)

--It just isn't the same coming out on the field to Cypress Hill as it was to AC/DC.

--NBA Players Association asks for expansion teams in every Colorado city over 50,000 people.

--His name is Rashaan Salaam, and today he is vindicated.

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Broken Records

The SG Crew is back from Oregon licking our collective 70-14 wounds (and overworked livers) and ready for the "easy part" of the CU schedule.  However, the stats and records from the Oregon beatdown and another losing season are coming fast and furious: first senior class without a bowl game in 28 years, first time with seven losing years in school history, etc.

The SG delved deep into the record books and found a few more records:

-When Oregon scored 14 points within the first two minutes, they also won all of Ohio's electoral college votes too.

-Former USC QB Matt Leinart actually got four hoes into his hot tub following Matt Barkley's six TD performance versus CU.

-The 70 points scored by Oregon meant consumers actually had to bring tacos back to Taco Bell for the first time in history.

-The massive amount of yards by opponents broke the amount of cheesy Dan Hawkins cliches and quotes from his five years.  Hawkins responded, "stay out of the valley and onto the tackling dummies."

-Oregon RB DeAndre Thomas broke Chauncey Billups per season scoring record in just two quarters.

-CU QBs passer rating came "this close" to breaking the Nielsen ratings for the 2am Sham Wow commercial on QVC.

-The missed tackles by the CU defense versus Oregon and USC equalled the number of missed tackles of the entire 1977, 78, and 79 Canadian Football League, eh.

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Buffalo Mathematics

See that Oregon v Arizona State last night?  You can bet most of Buff Nation saw it; and you can bet we are shudering over the next two weeks.  SG breaks down the math:

Oregon 43-7 at half + Arizona State 52-17 over CU + USC -42 point favorites this weekend / 1-5 + 3-10 + weak armed QB - five downs + Kordell Stewart's AFC Championship QB rating X Jon Embree sullen looks - true freshmen playing + 82-42 (1982 OU score) - empty seats at Folsom X missed tackles + Black Mamba 40 time + Matt Barkley TD passes /  =

SG + six pack X infinity

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Talent Upgrade in Boulder

Everyone see Colorado's own Missy Franklin during the coin flip of the Broncos-Steelers game? Us Coloradoans love to embrace our own, and Missy is certainly fitting that bill. She's let it be known that she will swim in college, with all the swimming powerhouses garnering looks (USC, Georgia, Cal- not sure why Grand Lakes University isn't getting any looks though. Their dive team has always been strong. )

The local school up the road from Donk Home doesn't have a swim team (or baseball, or softball, or wrestling...but we have the most gnarly Ultimate Frisbee team and you can't f*ck with our beer pong game.) Too bad, because Colorado's sweetheart would look good in Black and Gold.

However, maybe it's time for CU to get creative. Missy Franklin: Six foot plus, long, fluid, flexible, competitive. Folks, your new starting cornerback for the CU Buffs, Missy Franklin.

RELATED: Action Bronson - "Shiraz" - ("Swimming trunk, to accentuate the ankle, eyes blues, put the children money in the banko")

Still Stinging

It's been a few days and the collective guts of CU fans ares till smarting after the loss to the little brother from CSU. The beauty of football (outside of early-90's Nate Netwon posing nude for your art class) is that there's usually another game after the one you just upchucked all over the field.

For the Buffs that would be the Sacramento State Hornets. No, not the Sacramento Knigs, there won't be any dudes named Jimmer sacking Buff QBs. The Hornets hail from the Big Sky Conference, home to another FCS team, Montana State, who famously beat the Buffs in 06 (and prompted four time SG winner to yell at Dan Hawkins as he left the field, "honeymoon's over, asshole!")

Sacramento (my wife spent a few months in California when Arnold was govenor so each time I hear the word 'Sacramento' it rings in an Arnold accent. Try it: "Sahhcrahmentoh") State lost by a big score to the New Mexico State Aggies last week, and are picked by Big Sky experts to finish ninth in the league. That is of little solace to Buff fans, who are cringing over an inept passing game, coaching blunders, and special team's miscues just a few short days ago.

In short, these Hornets could extend the Buffs' sting if the team plays anything like last week.

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Webb Slinger

Call it a hunch but when the CU staff pursued former Kansas QB Jordan Webb earlier this summer, this corner of Buff Nation knew he would be the starter. Connor Wood, the former four star Mr Man from Mack Brown's stable, didn't light it up in the spring. Nick Hirschman may have been in the program for a bit, but throw on the ASU game last year.

Enter Webb; after just a little more than a month in the program and he's the man.

The optimists will point to his 19 college starts, while the skeptics will point to the four wins among those starts. The optimists will point out that former KU coach Tuner Gill was over his head, while the skeptics will new KU coach Charlie Weis wanted to eat Webb.

Whatever is going on in Boulder, it is still too early in the Embree Era to over analyze this decision. Webb could simply be a caretaker until some recruited QBs are ready to take the spot. Or Webb could be the next dude in the trend of "rent-a-former player" (ala Russell Wilson) that seems to be the way for some teams. With a schedule a step down from last year's, this move might prove to make the most sense, regardless of Weis' appetite.

(After all, the Buffs haven't had a recruited high school QB be an effective starter since Koy Detmer. Think about that, no big time QB in Boulder since 1995? Ouch.)

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Saying To Yourself That's a BB Gun

BB guns. They're a funny bunch. It looks like a gun, but it only emits a small blob of metal. They really don't make a whole lot of sense. Unless you are needing one to eradicate squirrels/varmits from your property (like my 90 year old Grandfather, who weilds his BB guns taking down squirrels that even dare to enter his bird feeders like he's Wyatt Earp.) Or maybe you are attempting to take your family on the rides at Wally World and need one to scare the security guard. Or perhaps you just like shooting beer cans in a wayward, off the road location. Other than that BB guns don't have much room in our society.

Guns in cars are another thing in that doesn't make a lot of sense in 2012, just ask one certain Broncos' defensive player. Unless you are a law enforcement officer, best to leave the gun at home and not go mobile with it.

Couple the BB gun with the gun in car and you're asking for trouble. That's why the eight CU players who did both have probably got Jon Embree pulling his hair out, or maybe even pulling Ralphie's hair out.

You see, cops, they're a funny bunch. They really don't like to hear that someone in a car is pointing a gun at someone else. (Remember pull out radios? Then they had their bastard cousin, the removable face plate radio? A friend of mine pointed the container for said face plate at another car in the 90s and half the cops in Arvada were looking for my rig.) Couple that with Boulder cops, who at times aren't the most tolerant bunch (again, I've experienced this, again in the 90s. Spend more than a year in Boulder and it becomes clear that the BPD is not one crew to be fucked with) and you have a situation on your hands. It's not time to pull your best Huey P Newton act with these guys.

Welcome to fall camp fellas, leave your BB guns and mouthy attitude at the gates. Oh, and let's try to win some games too.

RELATED: MC Ren - "Mad Scientist" - ("...never shot a B.B. gun")

Buffs Get It On The Floor

Want to get that special Dad something uniques this Father's Day? Your recent grad need a gift to send him off into the world? Your old moms retiring and looking for a great gift for her to spend her golden years?

The folks at the CU Athletic department have your answer. The very court your Pac 12Hoops champions called home. That's right the floor of the old Foam Dome can be yours for just five large.

Feel the throngs of students who stormed the court. Smell Chauncey Billups sweat. Bits of David Harrison's unkempt hair. The echos of Michel Morandis cursing in French. Spinning tuba players and frisbee catching dogs. Countless names of volleyball players and women's hoops players that I can't really name. All can join your house for just 5k. Either that or just use it to refloor the dining room.

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