Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Donks: Talking About Practice?

Stopped at the store to buy me a Cisco
A 40 ounce and some crackers by Nabisco...


A few years back myself and some members of the Slushy Gutter Consortium played on a company sponsored softball team. I'm sure most of the readers (the handful of you) have at one point done the same, as it is a suburban tradition that rivals that of giant eagles painted on truck back windows.

Every late April or early May, the "coach" of said team would try to organize a preseason "practice," so you know, we could get a jump on the other seven teams in the glorious quest to win a t-shirt.

This practice would finally be settled on some random Saturday morning, about eight of the 14 players who signed up would show. One dude would bring his bratty kid, a couple younger guys would roll up 45 minutes late looking like it was a long night. Inevitably, one guy would show up sporting jeans and a collared shirt. And the always present "softball guy" would be there with his fancy bat and full uni.

The "practice" would consist of everyone present taking a dozen or so cuts at the "plate" (which was usually someone's sweatshirt or a Wendy's drink tray. No one would play any position, but rather congregate in small groups around the field and try to catch the balls. Since there would only be two or three balls (one of which was found at the bottom of a ball bag that was previously used as a dog toy) there was more time chasing wayward hits than any actual practice.

One guy would have to leave early to pick up his daughter from dance class, and one guy would be on his celly talking to his wife about tile selections for the bathroom. Most guys were wondering if it was too early to hit the bar afterwards ("hey man, they open at 10:30, we can go by for a quick one!")

The "coach" would try to talk to the players ("Our first game is versus Martin Engineering. Remember they have those two lefties that killed us last year?" Actually, I do not remember that, coach. I do remember Gonzalez from accounting getting ejected for having a beer in the dugout though. And I remember Terry in logistics passing out in the parking lot at 11pm that one game, but I don't actually recall any game action coach.)

I'm rehashing all this because the local National Football League team, the Denver Broncos are holding similar practices right now at South Suburban Rec Center. An NFL team, where billions of dollars flows, "practicing" at the same place where there are Mommy and Me Little Swimmer classes.

Enough of this lock out. We all know it is tired and we are all going to get pissed off if it keeps going. That goes for owners, players, and Gonzalez from accounting.

RELATED: Lauryn Hill - "Everthing Is Everything" - ("from the beginning my practice extending across the atlas")

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