Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Player to be Named Later

I'm sailing on a cloud, they trailing below
my shrink told me it's a feeling they'll never know

Everyday there seems to be a new twist in the Melo Trade Saga, from additional teams entering the fold, to players being included. Throw in salaries, draft picks, contract stipulations, condidtions of local parole officers, stalkerish groupies in certain cities, and you have a colossal clusterfuck.

(There, I said, it: clusterfuck. Say it more often in 2011, it will enhance your career and home life. Your kids have toys strewn about the house? Walk in and just bellow, "this is a clusterfuck!" When someone isn't pulling their weight at work, in a real calm tone tell them, "Jenkins, your work performance has become quite the clusterfuck.")

The SG has acquired who exactly will be receiving what in the Melo to the Universe trade.

NETS: Melo, Chauncey, Nerve Tonic, and a case of leftover Rocky Mountain Oysters left over from yesterday's inauguration. Carla from Newark doesn't need to know what they really are.

NUGS: A bunch of dudes. A bunch of picks. Lots of empty seats.

PISTONS: A rough copy of one of Jay-Z's early songs and an autographed photo from Beyonce. (NOTE: not of Beyonce, but maybe one of those two chicks that used to be in that group with her)

ROCKETS: A step stool from the the Nuggets equipment shed that was believed to be left form the Earl Boykins Era.

WASHINGTON GENERALS: Meadowlark Lemon and that Curly guy. Payback's a bitch.

AC MILAN: Beno Udrih. Any player named after a product that helps with flatulance needs to keep his ass in Europe.

ARBYS #234 IN FRISCO, TEXAS: Somehow, they end up with Troy Murphy.

MY KID'S DAYCARE: Rip Hamilton's face mask thing. That way they can spend hour after hour after hour wearing it around and yelling "boo" at eachother.

DAVID STERN: A select handful of NBA "Super Teams" that will gradually morph into highly trained commando units bent on overthrowing world governments. (Evil laugh)

SLUSHY GUTTER: With no Melo, a lot less material, which in turn makes this blog even more unreadable.

RELATED: Raekwon - "Incarcerated Scarfaces" - ("We could trade places, get lifted in the staircases...")



Anonymous Spotwood said...

The fact that this deal has yet to be consumated means it's essentially dead.

We'll end up getting the pupu platter from the Knicks in Fenruary, miss the playoffs in the interim and we'll all decide to concentrate on spring baseball instead.

Nuggets brass has to be one of the top 3 worst in the league at this point.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mark Spears was saying the exact opposite this pm. Josh and Masari are playing the Knicks n Nets like fiddles.

7:08 PM  
Anonymous Fresh Marcus said...

Nice job, Commish. Hilarious.

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