Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Tulo's Millions

Tanks gonna be full, to rappers wanna tempt me
I break the steering shift and leave em empty...


Troy Tulowitzki became a very wealthy man yesterday, thanks to the new contract The Purp gave him. Some changes you might see at Coors Field the next few years as a result:
--When the "Tulo" chant comes up, you will be required to clap with two crips five dollar bills that Tulo will supply.
--Rather than be introduced by some witty pop song, Tulo will only step to the plate with 2000s southern Hip Hop that brags about money. He will accentuate the song by using a diamond encrusted batting helmet.
--In an effort to counter CarGo's Taco Bell commercial with the girl in purple with the phat ass, Tulo has hired the entire cast from "Baby Got Back" to be in his Taco John's commercial.
--Now that he is the "face of Denver sports", Tulo's people are plotting to lock Tim Tebow in a locker each and every football Sunday.
--Tulo will buy out the rest of Dinger's contract and replace him with a giant inflatable Billy Ray Cyrus.
--Keep an eye out on Coors Club Level because to be more like his hero Derek Jeter, Tulo actually had it wrote into his new contract that he is required to bang more Hollywood skanks, pop stars, and B-list TV actresses.
--Oh wait, Tulo is married? So what's the problem? Signed, Tony Parker. (Insert snooty French laugh here)
-- "Hey Dan, that humidor downstairs? Do you mind if I store this case of champagne and massive bag of bird feed in there? Uhh, no, there's no money in that bag of feed."
--Remember those crisp five dollar bills? Please deposit them into the collection boxes upon leaving for the Ubaldo and CarGo funds.
RELATED: Broadway - "Must Stay Paid"

Labels:

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

holy crap is that Tulo's wife. dammmmmm

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

It's Jeter's soon to be wife, but close enough

10:01 PM  
Anonymous skyler ulbrecht said...

Saw Tulo's wife in the paper. Not too shabby.

9:39 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

2015-09-07 zhengjx
adidas superstar
ray ban outlet
cheap true religion jeans
toms shoes
coach outlet online
nike air max
true religion outlet
louboutin
fitflops sale clearance
nike elite
adidas gazelle og
longchamp pas cher
timberland uk
nike huarache 2015
pandora outlet
oakley sunglasses
fitflop uk
jordan uk
ralph lauren uk
ralph lauren
fitflops outlet
jordan shoes
sac longchamp
coach factory outlet
cheap jordans
michael kors outlet
tory burch outlet online
nike blazer
jordan homme
hollister clothing
new balance
longchamp outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags
christian louboutin
coach outlet
cheap uggs
running shoes
hermes birkin bag
cheap ray ban sunglasses

3:09 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

20151201xiadoaige
ferragamo outlet
prada outlet online
basketball shoes,basketball sneakers,lebron james shoes,sports shoes,kobe bryant shoes,kobe sneakers,nike basketball shoes,running shoes,mens sport shoes,nike shoes
ugg boots
air jordan 11
tory burch outlet online
nfl jerseys
ugg boots uk
ed hardy clothing
supra shoes
ugg clearance
hollister clothing
moncler outlet
ray-ban sunglasses
mulberry outlet store
air jordan shoes for sale
rolex watches,rolex watches,swiss watches,watches for men,watches for women,omega watches,replica watches,rolex watches for sale,rolex replica,rolex watch,cartier watches,rolex submariner,fake rolex,rolex replica watches,replica rolex
air max 90
rolex watches outlet
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton,borse louis vuitton,louis vuitton sito ufficiale,louis vuitton outlet
discount oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren uk
converse shoes
kobe 9
cyber monday 2015
barbour jackets
mcm backpack
lacoste pas cher
hermes belt for sale
michael kors canada
canada goose outlet
fitflops sale
mac cosmetics
chanel handbags outlet

6:21 PM  
Blogger John said...

louis vuitton purses
ugg boots
replica watches
ray ban sunglasses outlet
toms outlet
cheap jerseys
kobe 8
swarovski crystal
tods outlet store
oakley vault
tod's shoes
ray ban sunglasses uk
ralph lauren
michael kors outlet
nike huarache shoes
lebron 12
mulberry uk
michael kors outlet online
chanel handbags
prada handbags
kobe 9
ray ban sunglasses outlet
jordan concords
hollister clearance
official coach factory outlet
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet store online clearance
coach outlet online
christian louboutin shoes
louis vuitton outlet
kobe 11
tiffany and co
2016222yuanyuan

12:11 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home