Friday, April 17, 2009

Donks' Schedule is Tougher than Algebra

Days of my Life goes on, word is bond
I make you feel my proton, neutron, and electron
Yo, I be the number one icon...

Remember the scene in The Jerk when Steve Martin gets all amped that "new phone books are here!" That's how it seems when the schedule is released and all the local and national media types trip over eachother to break down every game...five months before the first kickoff.


That being said, the Donks' schedule look particularly daunting, but I'm not going to assign any record prediction when injuries, suspensions, other team's foibles, etc are an unknown quantity. however, a few things stood out to me about the schedule at first glance:


--The first two games are at 8:30PM and the third is at 11am. Oh wait, that's the Nuggets versus the Hornets. Can Lina Kleiza kick? I'll take K-Mart at tight end.


--Septmeber 29 versus the Idaho Xtreme Handball Club. Jake Plummer matches up versus his former team one last time. While Plummer gets the attention, watch out for Potato Pat from Pocatello, he's got a mean backhand.


--Mike Shanahan comes for a visit in October. No, he's not a coach of a new team or working for a network. he's just got several million of team's dollars burning a hole in his pocket, so he chartered a jet to land on the practice field.


--January 3rd is the last game league wide, in what seems to be the latest end of a season in years. Kyle Orton, still recovering from a wicked New Year's Eve, plays the entire game with a lampshade on his head.


--The middle stretch of games is brutal. We're talking a SEC-type parade of big boys here folks. What, the time machine to play the 85 Bears wasn't available either. Seriously, did Pat Bowlen dick down the NFL schedulers wife in a broom closet at the owners' meetings?


--Dorks and "that guy" in your office will make the always lame joke of "they won't lose this week!" the Friday before the BYE week. Taking it a step further, he'll check the 'W' column on everyone's wall schedule. Feel free to piss in "that guy's" coffee.


--That's a Thanksgiving night game at Invesco. Insert "the real turkey will be in the orange unis" joke right here.

RELATED: Mos Def - "Ms Fat Booty" - "Man I smashed it like an Idaho potato"

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