SG Festivus

Today the SG celebrates Festivus, so join us around the aluminum pole:

The Airing of Grievances

-Dan O’Dowd, you have disappointed me in the following ways: you and your organization’s smug “we won the NL we’re baseball geniuses” attitude that lead to a fourth place finish. And then trading the team’s best player and trying to bury it in the press. I have a lot of problems with you people!

-Dan Hawkins, you have disappointed me in the following ways: by legitimately running an offense in which it looked like you and your staff had no clue about a solid gameplan.

-Jay Cutler, you have disappointed me with your reluctance to enter a barber and get a normal person’s haircut!

-That freaking Nebraska kicker, you have disappointed me by pulling that kick out of your backside, denying the Buffs a trip back to Shreveport to face the might Northern Illinois Huskies Wolf Pack Whatevers.

The Feats of Strength

-Joe Sakic, you will attempt to outpin this snowblower!

-Brandon Marshall, the Big Mac wrapper is awaiting you!

-Carmelo Anthony, those corn rows? Hah! They scoff at you!

-Allen Iverson? Detroit. Yes, the entire city versus you.

-Ed Hochilu, you and Mike Shannahan at the 50 yard line!

Those receiving Human Fund cards:

-Phillip Rivers: Oh, I bet you'll be taunting Jay Cutler with some witty choke sign.

-Travis Henry: Money for People. Like your kids...or lawyer.

-Troy Tulowitzki: Alright, it was a bad sophomore season, maybe try to look interested next year?

-Matt Prater: Cheer up, every other kicker in the league is money from 40-49 yards.