Today the SG celebrates Festivus, so join us around the aluminum pole:
-Dan O’Dowd, you have disappointed me in the following ways: you and your organization’s smug “we won the NL we’re baseball geniuses” attitude that lead to a fourth place finish. And then trading the team’s best player and trying to bury it in the press. I have a lot of problems with you people!
-Dan Hawkins, you have disappointed me in the following ways: by legitimately running an offense in which it looked like you and your staff had no clue about a solid gameplan.
-Jay Cutler, you have disappointed me with your reluctance to enter a barber and get a normal person’s haircut!
-That freaking Nebraska kicker, you have disappointed me by pulling that kick out of your backside, denying the Buffs a trip back to Shreveport to face the might Northern Illinois
Huskies Wolf Pack Whatevers.
The Feats of Strength
-Joe Sakic, you will attempt to outpin this snowblower!
-Brandon Marshall, the Big Mac wrapper is awaiting you!
-Carmelo Anthony, those corn rows? Hah! They scoff at you!
-Allen Iverson? Detroit. Yes, the entire city versus you.
-Ed Hochilu, you and Mike Shannahan at the 50 yard line!
-Phillip Rivers: Oh, I bet you'll be taunting Jay Cutler with some witty choke sign.
-Travis Henry: Money for People. Like your kids...or lawyer.
-Troy Tulowitzki: Alright, it was a bad sophomore season, maybe try to look interested next year?
-Matt Prater: Cheer up, every other kicker in the league is money from 40-49 yards.