Saturday, April 05, 2008

Stale Coors

Events from yesterday's journey to Opening Day, an annual event in the realm of the SG:

-10am, we are the first car parked in the lot. A young Russian gal makes former two-time Slushy Gutter winner Mummy repark his car in the "second" spot. Maybe she was saving the first for Vladimir Putin.

-LoDo is bustling. They are giving away everything from
energy drinks to magnets, backpacks, trail bars, free hysterectomies, gallons of rancid pickles, and WD-40.

-There are lots of liquor "girls" abound. The Jager Girls are a rough bunch, choking down heaters and jaywalking. I score some free beads from them.

-Our friend The Champ calls, he informs us some "22 year old hottie" is picking him up to take him downtown. No word if it is Ashley Olson.

-Beer #1 arrives in my mouth at about 10:30 on the roof of LoDos. Smoo
-Beer #2 follows soon after.

-Twisted Sister comes on over the loud speaker. I knew I should've worn pink
eyeliner and my shoulder pads.

-Mummy suggests we start chanting "titties, titties!" in an effort to see a flashing war.

-A girl from Shotgun Willies gives us about 10 free passes.

-Three time Slushy Gutter Winner JL Smooth and Mummy argue on the age of one female patron. JL says nearly 50, while Mummy says late 20s. Beer goggle math sets in.

-Shots arrive. The Commish never does shots. Today he does. The word is "ugly."

-Mummy comments on a girl who is "chewing her gum like a horse." After some reflection he counters himself with "I don't think horses chew gum." That's deep.

-JL Smo
oth points out a burly man wearing a 1993 era Hobie cat tank top, Dolphin shorts and hiking boots. Colorado Rockies baseball: the great unifier.

-Slick Rip arrives, he is wearing an Arizona hat. We are not impressed.

-Another debate, this time on the color of another female patron's eyes. Juck and Mummy say a blue, I say yellow. Yes, yellow eyes.

-We are in the bar area and spot Broz. My man Clarence Cricket has arrived too. The gang's all here, maybe we can try to drink 5000 beers or some stupid shit.

-We are walking towards Coors Field. We actually debate where the actual "slushy gutter" incident took place some 10 years ago. We cannot reach a consensus.

-I secure my first be
er at the game, bastards have raised the prices a quarter. That could translate into thousands of dollars lost for the SG Crew.

-3-0 D-Backs in the first. Mark Redman is a douchebag.

-I try to go into the restroom using the exit door. I am stopped by a bearded man and some other guy; we wrestle. They have appointed themselves the guardians of the restroom exit. I am mocked by the masses.

-The D-Backs are kicking our ass all over. We have one hit. If the beers we have drank counted for runs, we would be killing them.

-I'd rather have Redman pitching.

-Todd Helton smacks a late solo homer. Too bad it wasn't one of those 'Rock and Jock' 20-point home runs.

-I hail a cab, strangely the cab looks exactly like Mrs. Commish's ride and the driver looks exactly like Mrs. Commish.

-The Rockies record stands at 1-3. 158 games remain, that's alot of quarters. Eric Byrnes is still a douchebag.

Labels: , ,


Blogger oakleyses said...

nike free, kate spade handbags, nike air max, michael kors outlet, christian louboutin, coach purses, oakley vault, tiffany and co jewelry, christian louboutin outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, ray ban sunglasses, coach outlet store online, tory burch outlet, louis vuitton outlet online, louis vuitton outlet, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet, jordan shoes, chanel handbags, louis vuitton, kate spade outlet online, louis vuitton handbags, polo ralph lauren outlet, burberry outlet online, red bottom shoes, true religion outlet, longchamp handbags, ray ban outlet, true religion, prada outlet, michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, gucci handbags, polo ralph lauren, michael kors outlet online, oakley sunglasses, christian louboutin shoes, michael kors outlet store, michael kors outlet online, nike air max, longchamp outlet, nike shoes, longchamp outlet online, prada handbags, michael kors outlet online, coach outlet, burberry outlet online

5:26 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

longchamp pas cher, chaussure louboutin, longchamp, nike air force, nike free, hollister, sac michael kors, vans pas cher, nike air max, nike air max, converse pas cher, abercrombie and fitch, lacoste pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, new balance pas cher, louis vuitton, louis vuitton pas cher, oakley pas cher, ralph lauren, air jordan, lululemon, mulberry, timberland, guess pas cher, burberry pas cher, louis vuitton uk, sac vanessa bruno, true religion outlet, michael kors uk, nike roshe, nike free pas cher, barbour, ray ban uk, nike roshe run, hollister, air max pas cher, tn pas cher, ray ban pas cher, north face, air max, sac louis vuitton, scarpe hogan, hermes pas cher, true religion jeans, michael kors canada, ralph lauren pas cher, north face pas cher

5:34 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

north face jackets, birkin bag, ugg soldes, p90x workout, ferragamo shoes, mac cosmetics, marc jacobs outlet, nike huarache, bottega veneta, babyliss pro, ghd, north face outlet, mcm handbags, herve leger, uggs outlet, canada goose outlet, insanity workout, giuseppe zanotti, soccer jerseys, rolex watches, jimmy choo shoes, canada goose outlet, celine handbags, mont blanc pens, ugg, beats headphones, ugg boots, chi flat iron, uggs on sale, canada goose, soccer shoes, wedding dresses, asics shoes, hollister, valentino shoes, reebok shoes, longchamp, lululemon outlet, ugg outlet, new balance outlet, abercrombie and fitch, nfl jerseys, vans outlet, roshe run, canada goose outlet, nike trainers, instyler ionic styler

5:43 PM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

air max, juicy couture outlet, louboutin, canada goose, wedding dress, louis vuitton canada, canada goose, ralph lauren, uggs canada, moncler outlet, thomas sabo uk, replica watches, parajumpers outlet, gucci, pandora jewelry, converse shoes, hollister clothing, nike air max, swarovski jewelry, converse, karen millen, montre femme, coach outlet, swarovski uk, timberland shoes, moncler, moncler, hollister, supra shoes, pandora charms, ray ban, links of london uk, oakley, juicy couture outlet, moncler, lancel, canada goose uk, toms outlet, baseball bats, pandora uk, iphone 6 case, vans, ugg, moncler, canada goose pas cher, hollister canada, moncler, moncler

5:51 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home