Thursday, March 27, 2008

Putting the 'D' in Mickey D's

With the strange news surrounding Donk WR Brandon Marshall this week, a new trend is growing in the copycat style NFL. After Marshall was slowed by an alleged McDonalds’ bag, other teams’ are looking at fast food options to solve their defensive dilemnas.

“We watch around the league, especially the division. With Marshall’s breakout 07 campaign, we had him pegged as a major threat in 08.” Said San Diego GM AJ Smith. “We have to counter him, that’s why we’re bringing in the Hamburgler at safety.”

San Diego isn’t alone in the trend, as Kansas City has Colonel Sanders and the Arby’s Oven Mitt in their mini-camp.

“Colonel Sanders is a beast out there,” said KC Head Coach Herm Edwards. “Rather surprising given the fact he’s been dead for some time, but he sticks to the receiver like spices on chicken.”

The signings have extended beyond the AFC West, with the “bigger names” going to the big market teams: the Jets have signed the Burger King to play corner while Ronald McDonald is believed to be heading to the Colts.

Jets’ management defended the large contract given to the King. “Look at the receivers in this division. Moss, Welker. Lee Evans. The King will help us counter them. Now if we can just find him a size 20 helmet, we’ll be set.” A Jets rep said.

NFL scouts have been spotted at various corporate fast food headquarters as well as smaller venues. A Houston Texans scout was seen working out with the Chick Fil-A cows on their practice fields. An unnamed source pegged the cows as “being able to bring the heat to the QB, as well as get some sweet discounts on those waffle fries.”

The Raiders, true to their last place and unorthodox style, have lagged behind the league in the newest frenzy. Al Davis and crew have only been able to secure Jeremy, the nighttime drive thru worker at the Oxnard Taco Bell.

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