Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Hawk Keeps Runnin Away

I run game like a marathon
It's here today then tomorrow it's gone
It's the law of the land
a straight modern day Babylon...

Coach Hawk revealed in a radio interview Tuesday that he would not be running the Melbourne Marathon as he originally planned. This might be one of Hawk’s wisest coaching decisions in his brief tenure in Boudler. Marathons, you see, are pretty long, and when you run 12 minute miles (as Coach Hawkins did in the Bolder Boulder) the next logical step isn’t jumping into to the fray with a bunch of skinny dudes in tapered shorts for 26 miles.

I’d like my football coach who’s making a cool $1 mil a year out recruiting better skill players, devising plays for his new QBs, improving the woeful pass defense, taking a peak into the tough 07 schedule, identifying his starting OL, scouting the sheep’s tendencies for game one, or meeting with groups to sell the overall program.

Being a veteran of a few road races here and there, I don’t need Hawk debating whether Mizuno or Asics are better, smearing Vaseline on his genitals, sucking down concrete-tasting gels and shakes, doing those ridiculous warm up stretches for 45 minutes, worrying about his mile splits, reading Kip Keino's biography, shitting himself on mile 19, and training 3+ hours nearly daily.

(Although it would be fun to see Hawk go off at the post race bash and bellow “throw another shrimp on the barbie! It’s Australian Rules Football! Go play rubgy, brother!”)

[ED NOTE: Hawk has since stated he will be running a half-marathon. That's 13 miles, Hawk. You bring home half that amount of wins this year, and we'll all be happy.]



Anonymous Spotwood said...

"smearing Vaseline on his genitals"

I knew there was a reason you started running all those marathons.

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