These Unis Aint for Intramurals!

Fresh dressed like a million bucks
Threw on the Bally shoes and the fly green socks
Stepped out my house stopped short- oh no
I went back in, I forgot my Kangol...

The fine football folks up in The Republic of Boulder unveiled the new CU uniforms over the weekend, with the new duds meeting with generally thumbs up and a collective cheer of the locals' microbrews.

Given the recent spate of horrible Nike college creations, the repressed memories of losing to Drake in horrid powder blue Buff unis, as well as Rick's shadow box numbers and gold rap-video jersies, the new gear comes as a welcome relief to Buff Nation.

The new uniforms' innovation are reflective numbers that glisten under the lights. These reflectors will also be handy if linebacker Jordon Dizon needs to work with the local DOT crew filling potholes.

The color silver is also featured prominently in the design. Many people do not realize that Silver and Gold are actually the official colors of the University. After last year, many people also do not realize that CU fielded a football team.

Perhaps the most welcome aspect of the new gear is the white pants on white jersey seems to be omitted. That look had been widely panned by the CU faithful since Gary Barnett started it a few years back. Unfortunately, the Stay Puft Marshmallow man look had seen too many teams cross their particle beams to defeat the Buffs over the last decade.

Other Nike feaures are a "shrink wrap" type fit that must've been inspired by 9 year old Phong Dhuy, the boy in charge of wrapping 125 pallets of Nike sweatshirts each day in Thailand. The jersies are also more "breathable" which might help if rowdy sheep fans at Mile High ever get
teargassed again.

Overall, the unis are a "cleaner," "sleeker" look; and poor saps like myself will gladly shell out $85 to get our hands on the new jersey. However, the Buffs could wear lime green tutus, a rake strapped on their heads, a sick dog's halo, and a Larry Blackmon Cameo jock strap as long as they get to a Bowl Game. Word Up.


[Quick fact: the gold jersey was sported in Puff Daddy's "All About the Benjamins (Rock Remix)", an Ice Cube affliated group named Kausion wore a #14 black Koy Detmer in "Land of the Skanless" and LL rocked a #14 Detmer white jersey in "Hey Love." Koy Detmer, loved in the urban and rap world by all.]