Monday, October 31, 2011

Orange Pumpkins


PROPS TREATS and DROPS TRICKS from the tandem blowouts this weekend that were the Buffs in the desert versus Arizona State and the Broncos at home versus the Lions:

TRICKS: Yep, Tim Tebow had a bad game. Check that, outside of the first drive and some garbage time, he was about as ineffective as you could be as an NFL QB. Let's not label as a hater r supporter, but the team around him and the play calling were just as wretched. Tebow doesn't play defense, he didn't let the Lion WRs roam nearly free in the backfield. He doesn't play linebacker, where Tony Scheffler and the Maurice Morris (Maurice Morris? Really? How many of you pick him up in your fantasy league as a desperation back at some poin the last few years?) had their way. He doesn't play WR, where DeMaryius Thomas played as inspired as a pothead the day after 420. He doesn't call the plays, which in a tricky scheme, they simply reversed last week and threw on 1st down and ran on second. Face it folks, the QB is bad, but the whole team is too.

TRICKS: There might be a little more light shed on the Jim Schwartz douche-ness factor. Nice coiffed salt and pepper hair and trimmed goatee. Mirrored shades, yep. Shades stay on when the sun went behind the stands. Was this guy a coach or the guy hanging at the Chili's Happy Hour?

TREATS: Calvin Johnson was one of the best lpayers I ever saw live in college, and it looks like the Megatron moniker is well served (outside of the whoel robot-bent-on-evil-domination thing.) He made Champ Bailey look like a chump on his TD; and his size is just impressive.

TRICKS: As cool as the "Tebowing" thing was last week (hell, my two year old was doing it) we all knew it would become officially played this weekend. Yes, you sacked the QB or scored a TD, time do do some Tebowing. On to the next one, "Slushy Guttering", where you lie on the ground after consuming too much alcohol (aka "passing out")

TRICKS: Buff backup QB Nick Hirschman got a start after we were lead to believe Tyler Hansen was out with a concussion, yet there was Hansen in the game in the 2nd quarter. Why f*ck around and not just start Hansen? Did we think Hirschman would be Kordell Stewart and peg the Buffs to a three score lead? You're messing with a college kid by yanking him after a few series and messing with Hansen's health by sending him out there to get moshed.

TREATS: A lone bright spot for CU was starting RB Tony Jones, who has run hard and showed some speed and moves. The New Jersey back will have every opportunity to be a three year feature back after Rodney Stweart graduates. Plus I can scream "Jerssssey" and annoy everone through 2015.

TRICKS: The new ASU logo might seem cool now, but it will look real dated in a just a couple years. I think it looks more suited to someone's Affliction t-shirt rather than a football helmet. Hey, maybe Jim Schwartz has one.

TREATS: Throughout the game we heard ASU players comment on how much they hated honoree coach Frank Kush. Include one football coach named Jack Elway among those with the hatred, so much so he spread the contempt to his son John. The coach in Baltimore when Elway was pegged to be the top pick and Baltimore had it? One Frank Kush. Thank You for being an asshole, Frank.

RELATED: KRS-One - "Duck Down" - ("Leo the Lion, MC's they be cryin")

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