Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Donk Soap Opera

I gotta' get my props up and earn my respect
Gotta' shake someone up or throw 'em off the top deck...


Key figures in the current Donk's soap opera:

Jay Cutler: Being QB, there is an unwritten rule that you are the leader of the team. Acting like a spoiled brat makes you the lead punk. Refusing to meet with your boss would get most folks a quick pink slip, so it is in your best interest, your teammate’s best interest (who you profess a deep affinity for), and the fan’s best interest to meet with your boss air this thing out.

Matt Cassell: He is the one-hit wonder of the NFL; a modern day Scott Mitchell. He thrived in New England with a machine-like approach around him and a rigid coaching staff. How will he do in KC with a coach we last saw getting verbally pelted by his own wide receiver on the sideline?

Josh McDaniels: The mini-Hoody came in a jettisoned the entire defense, most of the coaching staff, and even a handful of popular offensive players. Yet, he still wanted to make his prison yard entrance and seek out the biggest, baddest dude on the block and shank him to let the rest of the team know who’s the man. To his credit, he is asking his QB to come by his office at Dove Valley for a mini-Pow Wow and some tasty snicker doodles as a way of saying “Im sorry.”

Another QB: Who really thinks that the Donks could actually trade Cutler and be alright at the position? The level of know-how in mini-Hood’s offense rivals linear algebra, so some young douche draftee from Party U wouldn’t make it past the first film session. The free agents out there are out there for a reason- their original team’s felt they were expendable. And Patrick Ramsey is, well, Patrick Ramsey.

Brandon Marshall:
Dude, seriously, get yourself a membership on match.com. That way you can get yourself a chick who you aren’t beefing with at five in the morning! They have all sorts of personality criteria to find you your perfect mate. While you are at it, sign up for a host of other internet games, because you are going to have a lot of free time on your hands, probably about eight weeks worth.

RELATED: Del The Funkee Homospaien - "Mistadoblina" - ("...with jeans and a dirty white hoodieseems like he wouldn't be a snake or would he?")

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7 Comments:

Anonymous denver omelet said...

what, Mark Dirty Sanchez couldn't run the Broncos attack after running Pete Carrols highly technical offense?

7:37 AM  
Anonymous Spotwood said...

Mark Sanchez will be 'running' a Burger King in about 3 years.

He's even more overhyped than Matt Leinart, not that I thought that was possible.

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