Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Melo Thoughts

There was a few times I needed your support
But you tried to play me like an indoor sport
like racquetball, tennis, pool, whatever
All I know is you attempted to be clever...

Carmelo Anthony and his buddy are in some hot water – again – for an off-the-court incident last month. Seems Melo and his weed-carrier, errrrrr, friend, Rahchine Craig, stopped by a 7-11 on the morning of March 18 at 3:30am. While inside a fan asked Melo for an autograph, which Melo refused. The man then allegedly made threats to Melo, which in turn prompted Melo’s friend to beat his ass inside the 7-11.

While the 3:30am time may raise some eyebrows, let’s remember that the Nuggets played an 8:00pm game that night. Throw in the national TV delay/length, the blow-out at the hands of the Suns, Steve Nash’s diarrhea breaks, post game interviews, stern words from Coach Karl, a rousing game of Risk with Eduardo Najera, the travel time to the 7-11, waiting for the cold bean burrito to heat up in those low-wattage microwaves, the 3:30am doesn’t seem far-fetched.

First of all, this “fan” who is inside the 7-11 at 3:30am the morning after St Patrick’s Day? I’m sure he was just up early for his Sunday paper route. Reportedly the fan, after Melo’s refusal, was on his cell phone asking someone to “kill Melo.” Must’ve been the new Hitman Hotline.

I’ve been turned down for autographs before, but my thought process is usually:

"Hey, it’s Mr. Athlete, I should get an autograph…Huh?...What an asshole…typical athlete these days…fuck him…he’s overrated…I need a drink…I should write about this on my stupid blog."

The thought process of the 7-11 patron:

"Ahhhhh, man I’m messed up…Hey, there’s Melo…me and him should be friends…What an asshole…I’m mad…typical player these days…I should call someone to kill him…Yes, I’m going to do just that…This guy should lose his life because he didn’t sign my Snickers bar wrapper…that’ll show him."

What were Melo’s thoughts?:

"Fuck the Suns…dang I drank this Slurpee too fast…brain chiiiiiiiiiiil…what does this drunk ahole want…I’m in no mood to sign autographs…stop snitching…I should get Rahchine to beat his ass…maybe I should slap him then back peddle across the street there…damn, Rah really slapped the shit outta him."

And Melo’s buddy's thoughts?

"Man, this is bullshit…driving this dude all over town…man, it’s like 4am and I have Pilates at 8am…who’s that dude talking to Melo…is that Nate Robinson…man, Melo looks heated…dang, they’re out of those smoked beef jerky sticks…you want me to do what…now I’m this dude’s fucking enforcer?...I hope Melo didn’t gank my Chili Cheese Fritos."

Finally, the 7-11 clerk’s:

"Oh great, another drunk guy…I gotta get that novel done…I hope this guy has some one dollar bills…is that cheese pump broke again!?...I’m going to work on the novel first thing after work…maybe I should smoke a bowl or two first though…hey, that’s that basketball or football guy…maybe the main character should be a dragonslayer or a warlock…oh shit, that drunk guy just got totally smacked…great the cops are gonna have to come…again."



Blogger Hercules Rockefeller said...

Central America not weak!

-Eddie Najera

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yo Commish, is that supposed to be you in that picture? You wouldn't have that much lettuce if you were covered in glue and fell into the dumpster at a beauty salon. ahhhhhh.

11:01 AM  
Blogger blairjjohnson said...

that was pretty effin' awesome. love the pics and the dialogue. oh, and thanks for the visit. stop by again next week; hopefully we'll have some other girls you might like to take vowels out of.

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