Sunday, December 17, 2006

Fight Night at the Garden

I wouldn't be the 'G' that I am
if I didn't pop fools in their mouth... God damn!

Little known NBA rules that could've been applied to the Nuggets-Knicks brawl on Saturday night:

Rule 26F paragraph 6.1- Oompa Loompas are not allowed on the court at anytime during regulation or overtimes. If one does appear on the floor, opposing players, coaches, trainers, and cheerleaders have the right to stomp the sh*t out of them. I mean, who isn't creeped out by those little f*ckers?

Rule 423-A subsection II- If you were warned by the NBA's leading scorer on a "street" DVD to "stop snitching" and catch a knuckle sandwich on your dome from said player, then that's your fault for snitching, you punk beeeyatch.

Rule BB: notation #25.3 (proposed by NYK head coach Isiah Thomas)- Teams down by 15+ in the waning minutes of the game have a right to "surrender." If the game is "surrendered" then the trailing team can go medieval and WWF on the opposing team for the remainder of the game with no flagrant fouls called.

Rule 16J/155- Paying patrons in the front row of games will incur a $50 seat surcharge if the players land in their lap. If the player knocks over their nachos, the $8 will be credited to the surcharge. Subsection 33- Said player must continue play with the nacho cheese on their uniform; Oliver Miller comes out of retirement to guard said player.

Rule 200034- All non-American born NBA players who have intervened in between two brawling players are required to speak their native tongue. That way it's all funny like when Ricky Ricardo used to get all flustered in 'I Love Lucy' and speak Spanish...ahhh, classic.

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10 Comments:

Anonymous Steve Z said...

I would love for Oliver Miller to come out of retirement and get a job with the NBA to only get on the court if food is spilled on an opponent's uniform. I think he's still waiting for MTV to revamp it's NBA Rock N Jock specials so he can hit a 25 point basket again.

8:55 AM  
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