Hoops Wasteland

Got crazy game, so no one can stop me
But ay yo, I'm white, I guess my game is hockey
Or basketball, football, taking papes in poker
If honeydip got a moneyclip I'm gonna stroke her...

With only three NFL games over just two days remaining, many sports fan's attention now turns to the pageantry, the tradition, the desire and emotion of college basketball. Here in Slushy Gutter land, college basketball is a akin to the pageantry of judging a pig slop.

The Colorado basketball team is a squad that is a level below rock bottom. They are currently 0-3 in conference, with just four wins overall. Those wins? A buzzer beater versus Northern Colorado, a opening win over Denver, a win over an equally miserable Utah team, and another over Central Florida. Impressive, if it's in Beer Pong maybe.

The fans are staying away in droves, witness the below 3k for a game versus the nation's #9 team. That's including the 1000 fans of the other team, tickets that legend Chauncey Billups donates, and the wayward hippies who took a acid-induced wrong turn. The arena has the charm of a visit to the local grass farm. The students haven't bothered to mass unless the team is giving away free Keystone Lights. Next month the Coors Event Center will become Lawrence West as the Squawkers pay their annual visit to give us a glimpse of real D1 hoops. Things are looking up.

0-16 in the conference is not just a possibility, but a most likely scenario. If not for the cancellations due to the North Dakota climate that has engulfed CO lately, this team would crack 25...losses. In other words, the next coach won't have a rebuilding job, but rather complete Jenny Jones makeover with a Ty Pennington wreck em and start from scratch.