Slushy Gutter Summer

2011 Tell Em: Top CO Beer Spots

2012-01-19T05:24:00.002-07:00

Euclid Hall- I go way back with this space, as back in the day it was the old school Soapy Smiths. Make no mistake in 2011, there's nothing old school about it. Tons of great beer on tap, good food plates and a young hip crowd. But it ain't all uppity: they mix in the old Hip Hop (heard Nas' "New York State of Mind" and more) with the music selections.

Hops and Pie- The North Denver Tennyson neighborhood continues to evlove and Hops and Pie lends to the new feel. The delicious, yet nothing too fancy, pizza pairs perfectly with the neighborhood feel. The vast array of craft brews on tap attract the beer elite, families, and SG crew.
Patrick O'Carroll's Pub- Just down the road is this quaint Irish pub. Sample all the Irish beer favorites, plus American "nostalgic" selections for $2 (PBR, Hamms, Strohs, Olympia) and drink standbys. Yet the food is not the standard pub fare, try the extensive appetizer selections. The Colcannon (fried mashed potatoes) go perfect with your PBR or Guiness.

Lulu's- While Louisville might conjure up images of suburbia, they've managed to keep a real downtown strip alive. One of the most unique additions is LuLu's on the south end. Built in an old service station, the joint mixes too-die-for BBQ, canned beer (try the off brand ), and a nice "backyard" complete with baggo. Perfect for those lazy summer nights.

Biker Jims- The popular gourmet hot dog cart is now permanent fixture in the Coors Field area. A mix of sit down service with counter service gives it a casual feel. Get there early on game day, as the line for their unique dogs (Southwest Buffalo and Jalapeno to name a few) and ice cold Coors Light is out the door.

Arvada Beer Company- Sparse is a word to describe this new microbrewery in the emerging Old Town Arvada. No food avaliable, but you are welcome to bring in any foor of your own. No fancy or folksy crap on the walls. What they do make is mouth watering fresh beers. From the
Ralston Golden Lager to the Water Tower Wheat and the other offerings are all sure to please.

The Pullman- No SG list would be official without a Glenwood Springs cold one, and the newest spot in the Colorado tourist spot is the Pullman. On a key riverfront spot, this trendy eatery doesn't skimp on the drinks. Sit in the front and watch the tourists go by with a nice local craft beer selction as well as the mass produced stalwarts.

The Old Man- Back in the day this was Yogis, and after that it was the hopping shithole Roosters. Saved from the Wal Mart wrecking ball the space underwent a transformation and became The Old Man. Adorned with pictures of (what else) fathers (and a nice Denver Gold sticker) this joint serves up ice cold cans of Keystone, serves great smoked BBQ, and has a selection of bar games and a jumping patio.

The Old Man happenned to be the first place Mrs Commish and I were able to go solo (read: without kids) when she got the drinking legs back after our second daughter's arrival. Looking back, probably my favorite couple hours of the year. (Note: we also brought the enitre fam to the re-opened venerable Red Ram in Georgetown during Christmas time. My little one's first tavern visit!)

I list a ton of great places in Colorado, a bunch of great music from this year, and some of the most memorable sports events. But the simple act of sitting down and sharing a cold one with your loved ones and friends simply cannot be beat. As always with this post, big ups to the SG Fam for 2012. CHeers.

(related: shirts with the above design available here)

Drinking in the day, better than Trip Advisor:
2006 List, 2007 List, 2008 List, 2009 List, 2010 List

2011 Tell Em: Top Hip Hop Albums

2012-01-12T06:32:00.012-07:00

1- Apathy – Honkey Kong – The Demigodz alumnus comes hard and fierce in this offering, chock full of boom bap beats and stellar guest appearances from Xzibit, Vinnie Paz, General Steele, and others and production from Statik Selektah and DJ Muggs. The Primo laced “Stop What Ya Doin” with Celph Titled is a certified banger.

2- Onry Ozzbourne – Hold On For Dear Life – Last year’s #1 comes back with a perfect solo follow up. A balanced album with both melodic thoughtful joints (“Daughters”), sparse lyrical tracks (“All to Herself”), and even a semi-radio track in “The O.O.” and “Hold Up” make this Farmington NM native a must listen.

3- Mar Q Spekt and Kno- Machete Vision - The Cunninlynguists producer sets up the beats perfectly for Spekt, who blazes through track after track. Spekt stands out lamenting the state of Hip Hop, but unlike many, he lets the listener follow along in his disgust. A strong cameo from Action Bronson on “Roadhouse” is a highlight.

4- Qwazzar & Batsauce – Bat Meets Blaine – Qwazzaar seemingly rolls with the punches as his producer counterpart Batsauce feeds him an endless variety of beats. No track swells into the plus three minute mark (save the dope posse cut “Never Weaker”) which creates a flowing album for all the real Hip Hop heads.

5- Willie Evans – Introducin – Fully produced and rapped by Willie himself, this “concept” joint is a journey of straight Hip Hop (“Introducin”) to story telling (“Take 2”) and everything in between. Hailing from Jacksonsville, this artist (and his MF Doom-like flow) will certainly be one to watch for in the coming years.

6- Hail Mary Mallon – Are You Going To Eat That? – Aesop Rock is one of the most slept on lyricists in the game, and this underground release from Aes, Rob Sonic, and DJ Big Wiz highlights his unique abilities. Tracks like “Garfield” are a musical mashup of curious lyrics and a cacophony of out-of-the norm beats.

7- Random Axe - Random Axe - Supergroups produce varying results; Guilty Simpson, Sean Price, and Black Milk hit you smack dab in the face this past summer with this joint. Sean P further cements his status as one of the greatest in the current game and Black Milk not only provides production but a viable third MC voice.

8- PH – Know The Ledge- The Brooklyn underground MC (formerly Pumpkinhead) brings that BK sound straight to your gut with cameos from Skyzoo, Rustee Juxx (both on the bangin “County of Kings”) and Fresh Daily among others. Topics range from women’s tattoos to the standard smoking and drinking.

9- Luckyiam – I Love Haters – The Living Legends MC brings that Cali vibe to this project in which he says “You can’t critique anything anymore without being labeled a hater and I just don’t agree with that.” Great verses from Slug of Atmosphere, Aceyalone, and Imani of Pharcyde add to the flavor.

10- Reks – R.E.K.S. (Rhythmatic Eternal King Supreme) – Assembling a cast of producers that would make MCs mouths’ salivate- Premier, Alchemist (Reks teams with Styles P in a good ol’ verbal throwdown on “Why Cry”), Nottz, and Hi-Tech. Primo gets the best of Reks, on the ill “Thin Line” and “25th Hour.”

11- Tyler, The Creator – Goblin – The “weirdness” and “buzz” factors aside, Tyler, The Creator manages to follow up his previous releases with a solid “debut.” Tracks like the lead single “Yonkers” will resonate in the eardrums, but deep in the album cuts like “Tron Cat” are the real treat from the Odd Future stalwart and leader.

12- Evidence – Cats And Dogs – The Dilated MC shifts over to Rhymesayers and doesn’t miss a beat, literally. Mr Slow Flow is in the house on tracks like Alchemist’s “The Red Carpet” (with Raekwon and Ras Kass) and Premier’s “You.” Check for the standout guitar-laden “Late For The Sky” with Slug from Atmosphere and Aesop Rock.

OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES:

Beastie Boys – Hot Sauce Committee Part II – Rock and Roll Hall of Fame be damned, 25years later these guys put out their finest straight Hip Hop joint in years.

Elzhi – Elmatic – Mixtape or not, this MC’s “remake” of the Nas classic follows the original from start to finish to near perfection. “Detroit State of Mind” yes indeed.

Pac Div – The Div – The West Coast trio follows up their free mistape Church League Champs with another plate of minimalist beats and precise rhymes.

Vast Aire – Ox 2010: A Street Odyssey – One of Hip Hop’s clearest and most articulate voices, the Can O stalwart has been in the game for a decade because of releases like this.

Weerd Science - Sick Kids - The track “Unloveable Loser” is a definite highlight, a harmonious track about never getting paid, respect, the girls, or a record deal.

BACK IN THE SG DAY: 2006 Best, 2007 Tops, 2008 Aces, 2009 Bangers , 2010 Damn That's Fresh

Trigger Happy

2012-01-09T06:04:00.002-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the ridiculous Broncos' OT win over the heavily favored Steelers:

PROPS: DeMaryius Thomas absolutley abused Ike Taylor (that's not a pun either, "abuse" and "Ike")on the game winning play. Change the jersey and that's Calvin Johnson going Megatron on the Steelers. Tim Tebow threw a laser on point pass and the stiff arm that Thomas utilized should be shown to every young receiver on "how to" stiff arm. Notice Troy Polamalu completely deked in on the play? Tebow gave just enough to suck him in for a millisecond and he was hopeless after Thomas caught the ball.

DROPS: The refs again had a absolutely horrid game. More and more they are missing facemask calls on Tebow because of the way he plays. Perhaps the worst call of the weekend was the missed fumble on the backwards pass in the 3rd quarter. That was in essence a 10 (or 14) point swing since the Steelers scored and the Donks were already in FG range. Isn't there a "side judge"? Apparently he can't judge the side too well.

DROPS: We all know Tebow is careful with who he associates with, but check the graphic when he scored his rushing TD. The only other QBs to score a rushing TD versus the Steelers in the playoffs: Ken Stabler (notorious partier) and Steve McNair (murdered by his mistress.)

PROPS: Mike McCoy gets all the pub, but Defensive Coordinator Dennis Allen had a great game plan for most of the tilt. Everyone knew that they would try to pound Big Ben (even when they weren't hitting him , the pocket would squeeze him) but by the game's end they were confusing him. Guys standing on the line, moving in and out of the zones, all this lead to some confusion on the Steelers' last drive and a half ass Hail Mary attempt.

DROPS: All the talk about Brady Quinn in the media was just poppycock (damn straight I wrote "poppycock".) There's no way Quinn goes in the game cold (real cold since he hasn't ben in one in three years) and does anything. In fact, conspiracy theorists unite, maybe it was the Donks who floated the rumor to keep the Steelers off balance.

RELATED: Xzibit - "X" - (I beat the odds like Ike beat on his first wife")

2011 Tell Em: Top CO Sports Moments

2012-01-05T05:31:00.003-07:00

1- Tebow mania went into the beginning of meltdown mode when his 20 yard ramble beat the Jets. A national TV audience saw him and the Broncos get back to 500 and had every talking head from Bristol to Denver yapping. As play-by-play man Dave Logan simply asked as he crossed the goal line: “are you kidding me?”

2- The Chicago Bears came to town in mid-December with a stout defense and some hopes of the playoffs. Through three and a half quarters they almost gave the Broncos their first home shutout ever. Cue Tim Tebow and a 59 yard game-tying FG and 51 yard game-winner from Matt Prater and the Broncos stood at 8-5 and the Tebow Meltdown was in full effect

3- A shaky game by the opposing kicker and great defensive play by the Buffs in the first half lead to the end of their four year road streak with a win over Utah. The day-after-Thanksgiving upset prevented the Utes from appearing in the inaugural Pac-12 Championship and gave the Buffs some momentum going into the offseason.

4- After the Donks and their “traditional” offense laid an egg versus the Lions, the coaching staff went retro with Tim Tebow. Out were long passes and complex passes, in were option plays, QB draws, and straight rushes up the gut. A power game resulted in nearly 300 yards on the ground and the beginning of the Bronco win streak.

5- After the February deal of Carmelo Anthony to the Knicks, no one expected the Nuggets to do much of anything. What we saw though was spirited team-oriented basketball lead by the Knicks’ former players in Wilson Chandler, Raymond Felton, and Danilo Galinarri. Posting on the Western Conference’s best late records, the Nuggets again won 50 games.

6- The Buffs hoops team took a horrendous and suspicious NCAA snub and turned it into a long NIT run. With a veteran 21 win team lead by NBA lottery pick Alec Burks, they avoided a letdown and ran through their bracket as a top seed. The reward was a trip to Hoops Mecca, Madison Square Garden, where they fell in the semifinals in a classic game to Alabama.

7- The Rockies highlighted their stellar April by making quick work of the Cubs and their legions of invading fans with a sunny Colorado Sunday win 9-5. Talk of winning the West wasn’t “if” but “by how many.” Everything was clicking for the Purp; timely hitting, power numbers, steady pitching, and defense.

8-10- In no specific order select the following: the Broncos win versus the Chiefs in KC where they completed two passes; their “shootout” overtime win in Minnesota; or their miracle cover the onside kick win versus the Dolphins.

RELATED:
2010 Tops
2009 Tops
2008 Tops
2007 Tops
2006 Tops

Mile High Invasion

2012-01-03T05:47:00.001-07:00

Now let's get it all in perspective
For all yall enjoyment, a song yall can step wit...

Donk playoff tickets went on sale to the general public yesterday and you can bet as sure as a misfired Tebow pass that Steeler fans were clogging the phone lines and bandwith.

Remember the 2006 AFC Championship? Steeler fans were everywhere; and with the Broncos backing into the playoffs ala a dirty J-Lo video, many local fans might decide to spend their Sunday afternoon somewhere else. A cool couple hundy from a Steeler fan might be a better option to a longtime Bronco ticket holder than having to endure another game like Sunday.

How are the Donks attempting to stifle the impending Black and Yellow invasion? Ticketmaster makes you have a "Rocky Mountain" address. One thing we've learned about Steeler fans is that they are everywhere, a result of the exodus of Western Pennsylvanians in the 80s and the local bandwagon fans from their recent and prior success. Hell, Steeler fans will probably rent a PO Box in Colby, Kansas just to get tickets.

Bronco fans be warned, plenty of Terrible Towels at Sports Authority to dry our tears.

RELATED: Twin Hype - "Do It To The Crowd"

Pac Meets Big

2011-12-29T07:52:00.004-07:00

You know where to find me, whenever you need me
If you know the ave, follow the path...

The shifty boss known as Larry Scott announced that the Pac-12 and their Big 10 counterparts have formed a scheduling "partnership." (Pac-12, like many western states staying progreesive by allowing "partnerships.") Pac-12 meet the Big 10, they actually have 12 members too but they count slow. Pac-12, think Pharcyde, meet Big-10, think Black Milk. Pac-12 surfer/mountain dude, meet Big 10 overweight insurance salesman with a knit tie.

This means starting in 2017 us Pac-12ers wil enjoy every other year trips to the Big 10 football footprint. Just when we get rid of Lincoln every other year, they're back on the schedule once every 24 years. And I'm sure those midwestern sensibilities will mesh in well in the Bay Area and LA. ("Lookee here at this Blackberry. I've had blueberry and raspberry but never blackberry.")

The deal also includes scheduling, tournaments, meets, and the like among hoops, soccer, and Olympic sports. Damn straight, the Buffs have the only ski team, so might as well just forward us that trophy now.

Another win for the Pac-12, who have seen their star rise over the last year and half while other conferences swell to 14 members. This gets exposure for the conference in both the Central and Eastern time zones, increases the recruiting possibilities, and gets the major BCS schools one step closer to giving a giant "F you" to the NCAA.

RELATED: Pharcyde - "Drop"

Mav-tastic Start

2011-12-27T05:54:00.001-07:00

Rollin' with my posse we're gettin kinda bored,
there's not another posse with more points scored...

The Nuggets went down to Dallas in what promised to be a hectic NBA season and took it to the NBA Champs.

--You can tell who kept active during the lockout and played overseas or worked on their game. Exhibit A: one Ty Lawson, who was the best player on the court. Not only was he the quickest player, but the best shooter, and best slasher to the hoop. Jason Kidd had no chance to keep up with him, and while Andre Miller isn't the quickest guy, he still has a step on most veteran guards.

--The Nuggets are deep like the end of a swimming pool. The #1 pick Kenneth Faried couldn't even crack the rotation in a blowout. More telling is not just the depth, but the type of player that George Karl can bring off the bench. Crey Brewer and athleticism, Al Hrrington with size and veteran craftiness, Rudy Fernandez and his sharpshooting, Bridman for energy and defense.
--For the first time in many years, there was a season opener without one Carmelo or K-Mart. Looks like Birdman picked up the tattoo deficiency with some fresh ink.

--Ten years ago did anyone think Vince Carter would essentially be a journeyman?

--Gallo defintely has the chance to be the top option on this team. He is athletic and fast, and can hit from anywhere on the court. Right now he's just way too loose in his game; making sloppy and out of control mistakes. A season with Karl might tighten up his game.

--This NBA season is going to be crazy. The number of games in as many nights and back to backs is just baffling. Analysts say young teams will benefit, but we should question that. Young players constantly hit "walls" sometime 2/3 the way through the season. Remember in college they play two games a week and play a max of 35 games. However, couple young and deep, like your Powder Blue Patrol, and you might have something.

RELATED: Black Moon - "Whirlwind"

Elzhi- "Memory Lane"

2011-12-22T05:55:00.002-07:00

It seems like most of the real MCs and crews these days will always drop a "remember when" joint on their latest albums. Freestyle sessions, 40 sippping, Cross Colours, smelly coaches playing Sega, all that shit. I have to admit, being an older Hip Hop head, I'm a sucker for these tracks. Harkens back to an earlier and easier time, before many of our adult lives really got going. Elzhi kills it with his version (using the classic Nas instrumental from his Elmatic album) complete with old school visuals (the fashions are always a trip.) Merry Christmas to the SG Massive.

Pat Down

2011-12-19T08:58:00.005-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos loss to the Patriots...

DROPS: Any team on any level simply cannot fumble the ball three times and expect to win the game. Not even Good Will Hunting can write a formula to overcome those odds.. Throw in the fact that all three were on their own side of the field, and you're in a bigger hole. Add in one Tom Brady and the formula simply reads "you're fucked." The killer of the three Donk fumbles had to be the second. After holding the Pats to a FG on the previous miscue, the Donks were moving into midfield. A long FG or even TD would have settled the game down. Brady gets the ball, throws on his Uggs and is spiking the ball in the Donk collective face.

DROPS: They aren't admitting it, but Willis McGahee has to be banged up. The bruiser only had a seven carries in the game. He hasn't been himself since the San Diego game. Enter Lance Ball who also had a critical fumble. The Broncos should look more at Jermiah Jonhnson, who has more explosive-ness than a hobbled Willis or a journeyman Ball.

DROPS: That was Chad Ochocinco catching a TD pass in the game? Did anyone know he was still in the league? Andre Goodman just abused on the play, letting the little used WR go straight down the sideline on him. The Ochocinco of year's past you'd get up on him and really get physical. Yet with him being so seldom used, perhaps the Donks and Goodman got duped.

PROPS: The Broncos did exactly what they needed to do in the first quarter: run the ball and mix in some easy passes. The Patriot front four are, well, fat. Those dudes won't be on any gym commercials come next week. They were gasping for air in the first quarter. The Broncos really had them on their heels until the fumbles got them rested on the sideline.

PROPS: I took the old Federal Shuttle to the game. I used to ride it with my Pops in the 80s and every once in awhile since. Hasn't changed one bit; dudes tailgating in the Park and Ride lot at the old Lakesdide mall. Some guy in a old Bronco jersey (Jake Plummer.) Some guy listening to his headphones and talking way too loud. And the assortment of sketchy characters, kids, young couples making out, etc. Remember the bus on the 'Bring the Pain' video? Very similar.

PROPS: There was a guy in a cowboy get up with a dog and a monkey riding the dog. This was the halftime entertainment at the biggest NFL game of the year. The guy spoke to the crowd about being a little boy and dreaming of being a guy in a cowboy get up with a dog and a monkey riding the dog. Chase those dreams people.

RELATED: Ed OG & The Bulldogs - "Bug A Boo"

Green Steel

2011-12-16T05:28:00.001-07:00

As I shoot the gift, MCs stand stiff,
while my rhymes stick to you like Skippy and Jiff...

One of my all-time favorite Hip Hop flicks is 1992's 'Juice' (many would say why is that a "Hip Hop" flick? The main character is plays a DJ, Hip Hop icon debuted his acting career in the film, the soundtrack is 90% Hip Hop, and there are cameos galore from EPMD, Special Ed, and more. So yeah, it's a Hip Hop movie.)

So it raised my eyebrow yesterday when Jermaine Hopkins, who played "Steel" in the movie (quick, what was "Steel's" real name in the movie?) was arrested for 300 pounds of marijuana. That's Hefty bag size right there. I guess we know why he was a bigger dude with the munchies of 300 pounds of chronic.

The question is did Hopkins go like his character in 'Lean On Me' when Principal Joe Clark was asking him if he smoked crack? Or did he cry in the questioning room like in 'Juice' when they were grilling him about who killed Mr Quilas?

RELATED: Naughty By Nature - "Uptown Anthem"

Bear Necessities

2011-12-12T09:17:00.005-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos improbable OT win over the Bears:

PROPS: Lost in the chaos is the man who got them to this level of craziness: Matt Prater. A 59 yard FG isn't really an easy thing. Spare me the "altitude" kicking speech, (maybe the Donks can keep the 'K' balls in a humidor) you still have to kick the ball straight (as Gary Barnett would say "through the uprights".) Prater just boomed the game tying kick and there was no doubt the minute it left his foot. Fast forward to his OT kick and was like the guy was kicking an extra point.

DROPS: Marion Barber is undoubtedly the goat this morning for his OT fumble and going out of bounds late to stop the clock. However, the out of bounds play, while not "heads up", can be explained a little by plain physics. When Barber took the initial hit, his momentum flung him to the sideline. He was going out of bounds at that point unless he can do some freaky 'Matrix' type shit on the field. He had just broke a tackle on the TD run so breaking a tackle on that play weren't so far fetched. Credit to the Bronco defender who actually made teh hit and got Barber towards the sideline.

PROPS: When players like Von Miller play with those ridiculous looking casts they look like they should be fighting in Tekken or some video game. Von "Clubber" Miller.

DROPS: DeMaryous Thomas redeemed himself somewhat on the TD drive, but up to that point he and his fellow WRs were not having their best day (Decker multiple drops, and Thomas had more than a few.) Thomas just whiffed on Tebow's money long pass; make that catch and the game is effectively over, even at 7-0. At that point the Bears almost looked tired and on their heels trying to figure out what the Donks were going to do on offense.

DROPS: Yes, that was spray paint covering up the high school hash marks on the field yesterday. Taggers unite.

PROPS: Yes the Bears went into somewhat of a prevent defense on the TD drive, but Tebow still made some tough throws and the WRs worked to get open. The TD pass was similar to last week as Tebow nearly crossed the line of scrimmage (Bears' fans should wonder why Lovie Smith didn't challenge that play. Yes, I love typing 'Lovie', that's a football coach's name? Lovie) and threw to a wide open Thomas.

RELATED: Common - "Sweet"

SG Bowl A Thon 2011

2011-12-08T05:59:00.001-07:00

Kick a rhyme drink some moonshine...

It must be December: the Buffs aren't in a bowl game, you're scrambling to get your kids the hot new electronics, the beer has more berries and nutmeg added, and the Slushy Gutter Bowl Mania is back.

Nothing is at stake, no costumes, no money, nothing except the glory of being the master of a system of collegiate athletics that is outdated, flawed, and money driven. Lucky you! Anyone can join, good luck.

Yahoo College Pick Em
id = 19669
password = beer

CLICK HERE

RELATED: Redman - "Pick It Up"

No Doubting Thomas

2011-12-05T06:16:00.003-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos' trip to the Metrodome and their last second win over the Vikings:

PROPS: Demaryous Thomas picked a good game to have his "breakout." One, the Vikings' defensive backfield was littered with injuries and guys with little experience. Two, with the Vikings so keen on stopping Tim Tebow and the run it set up Thomas and Eric Decker in single coverage. Right there gave Thomas the advantage big time. Tebow responded and hit him when he was open and not so open (his best pass of the day was the drop off Thomas' fingertips at the goal line.) Dare I say that Thomas looked like another G-Tech alum in the open field, Calvin Johnson. On the little dump pass TD, Thomas shredded the entire Vikings back seven.

PROPS: I could go to DIA, take a flight to Miami. From there I could take a flight to Rio, hop on a small commuter plane to the Amazon. Some dude with a bad mustache could pick me up in a beaten VW bus and drive me further into the jungle. I could then take a raft down the river, where I would disembark and ride a horse miles into the jungle hinterland. I'd meet up with some natives who are practically untouched by any modern amenities and their contact with the outside world is minimal. Those people would know that if the Broncos are down by two and trying a 2pt conversion that Tim Tebow would run it in, how the hell can the Bronco opponent not know it?

PROPS: John Elway has harnassed future "Star Trek" technology and is able to get from a box down to the field in just milliseconds. Seriously, does this guy go in a full sprint from the booth to the field? It takes me 10 minutes to get from my seat to the damn bathroom at the stadium.

DROPS: Back in the day the Minnesota Twins used to manipulate the HVAC system at the Metrodome depending on who was at bat. One has to wonder with one ball stopping on its end at the one-inch line and another ball balancing on a Viking tight end's head if that manipulation was back.

DROPS: The pass that Christian Ponder threw to Andre Goodman leading to the game winning FG was one of the worst of the NFL year. Did everyone see the Donk sideline cheering before the ball was even picked? I think they knew it was horrible when it left his hand. Regardless if the Donks "fooled" Ponder with their coverage or not, that pass should've never been thrown. There was at least four to five Denver players in the picture and lots of green in front of each.

PROPS: Von Miller's glasses. Nuff said.

PROPS: Willis McGahee got stronger as the game went on against a pretty stout Vikings defensive line. After a shaky start, the gameplan remained the same after halftime and after three McGahee runs the Donks had a TD on the 2nd half's first drive. Credit the interior Broncos' line and Jared Allen's weird penchant for speed rushing around his man every down, effectively taking him out of the play.

RELATED: Jungle Brothers - "Straight Out The Jungle"

KRS-One- "Just Like That"

2011-12-01T05:42:00.002-07:00

Has it really been 25 years in the game for KRS-One? Is he still relevant? Relevant to the tight jeans set? Relevant to the flossy set? Probably not. But a new KRS joint is always welcome to the true school set, for those of who've lived KRS' entire career and those of you who know of it because knowing th epast is essential to knowing the future. Check the old school imagery in this joint, classic KRS ish.

Broncos: Super Charged

2011-11-28T05:52:00.002-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs breaking their long road losing streak by beating Utah and the Broncos OT win over the Chargers:

PROPS: Take Eric Decker and Tim Tebow off the football field and pop them in an Old Chicago and they look like two 20-somethings trolling for chicks, but put them in the predominantly Orange and you have great chemistry and rhythm. On Decker's long reception Tebow put the ball where only he could get it. On the long pass by the endzone (blatant pass interference on that froma ref that was two yards away. Maybe the ref was thinking about Dan Fouts' beard?) Decker reacted to Tebow's long pocket presence and broke for the pylon. "Hiding" Decker in the offensive backfield seems to be working, as he seems to go a bit less unoticed except for Tebow once into the secondary.

PROPS: The play of the game was the third down run before Nick Novak's missed OT field goal. Rather than run up the gut for no yards or one yard, the Chargers and Norv Turner go off tackle where Von Miller was waiting. Result: four yard loss. Next play: Novak's kick misses from about four to five yards. Miller was held in check all first half but he just wore down the Chargers OL in the 4th and OT.

DROPS: What has happenned to Phillip Rivers? He was the QB who was throwing off the wrong foot, overthrowing WRs, throwing into coverage, and one hopping the ball. However, it appears he still might be a bit "punky" (not to be confused with the "punky QB" Jim McMahon.) When Tebow was pounded out of bounds late in OT, Tebow appears to give Rivers a double look like Rivers had just said something.

DROPS: Gotta make John Fox a bit uneasy when his boss Brian Xanders is standing behind him, and his big boss John Elway is standing right behind him late in the game. Was Roger Godell standing there too? And somewhere behind him was Barack Obama? And behind him Zoltak the Supreme Ruler of Universe?

PROPS: Tebow had enough time on some pass plays to knit a sweater. The Donk OL just manhandled the Charger DL. Now, the Charger brass didn't do them any favors by rushing three or four on most passing plays and using a safety or LB as a "spy" for Tebow. Give any WRs that much time and they can get open. Worst case scenario, they get the DBs so far out of the play that a QB like Tebow can get minimum five yards on a scramble.

PROPS: The SG Crew ventured to the strange land known as Utah and took in the game, and that was the most heart I saw the Buffs play with all year. Extra effort seemingly on every play, guys flocking to the ball, WRs and RBs striving for that extra yard. College kids are a funny bunch (bong hits and casual sex notwithstanding) and the Buffs seemed to have "it" on this afternoon. Even the coaches reached into their depths, witness Jon Embree tearing up after the game.

PROPS: Utah had one final drive to tie or win the game, and they were moving at a decent clip. A pass intended for a UTE WR was behind him, he took two steps and was drilled by Buff DB Parker Orms. The hit was text book: did not lead with the head but with his shoulder, square into the WR's chest. Just like everyone is taught in this day and age. However the refs called a personal foul and the Utes had a 15 free yards and the ball near the Buffs 20 with a minute left. Rather than be rattled, the Buffs answered with two straight sacks before the Utes missed the last second FG. A few games back, they quite possibly folded after that penalty and allow the opponent to waltz in for a winner.

PROPS: For the Buffs (a 22 point dog) to win the game gives huge momentum into the off season. Granted they are a 3-10 team, but they won two of their last three games and broke the horrendous and almost freaky road losing streak. Can the staff turn that into a few blue chips?

DROPS: Ute fans and media seem to think the game started a "rivalry" that the Pac 12 thinks we have with the Utes now. According to Utah and Colorado fans and internet lurkers the Buffs completed every pass due to "pick plays"; Utah Fans were throwing things at the CU bench; there was a argument in the press box between CU and Utah athletic department staffers; and the Utes were calling out Tyler Hansen's snap cadence all game. Rivalry? Not quite yet, but there's plently of leftover urine balloons left over from the Nebraska series at Folsom for 2012.

RELATED: Mobb Deep - "Got It Twisted" - ("you charged, that truth come out...")

Exit The Neck Beard

2011-11-23T05:26:00.001-07:00

On point like decimals...

The Kyle Orton Era came to a screeching end yesterday as the QB cut, paving the way for him to either go to a team via the waiver process or to sign with anyone if no one claims him. Some thoughts:

--The previaling thought is the Donks did this as a "favor" to Orton. Huh? We're not talking a long term veteran here who we owed anything to, but rather a gruff average QB who wasn't exactly media or fan-friendly. And they did him a favor? Did they wash his car and water his plants while he is out of town too?

--The Bronco cleaning staff was so damn tired of neck beard trimmings in the sinks.

--Orton had recently fell to #3 on the depth chart, yet was still the team captain. And you thought running into your ex-girlfriend at the yogurt shop was awkward.

--If the Bears bring him in they will have former Goat QB Caleb Hanie, former Donk/current douchebag/current reality skank-banger Jay Cutler, and Orton as their three QBs. What, Tommie Frazier or Bradlee Van Pelt also aren't available?

--Speculation that Houston could bring him in seems a bit odd. For all the grief Matt Leinart takes, Houston coach Gary Kubiak runs the same offense that he ran in Denver, where you can plug in a maginal QB (see: Brister, Bubby) and have good results.

--Dangit, someone is going to have to price reduce that entire #8 Bronco jersey display that was going to greet the throngs of Black Friday shoppers.

RELATED: Joell Ortiz - "Hip Hop" - ("Yo, do me a favor...")

Thursday Drive

2011-11-18T13:46:00.007-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the big Bronco win over the Jets on Thursday and the Buffs loss to UCLA:

PROPS: Von Miller has responded to his benching a few games back by becoming the most dominating Donk defensive player. His sack on Mark Sanchez on the last gasp drive was just pure bulldozer. He ran right through the tackle and right into the QB (hah hah hah insert tired 'Dirty Sancez' joke here.) More proof how freakish this guy is? On the Jets snap that went over Sanchez's head, Miller nearly beat him to the ball despite a ten yard head start. As he grows as a player, the Broncos need to be creative with getting this guy to the QB anyway possible.

DROPS: The Jets looked like they wanted no part of Tim Tebow on his winning TD drive and TD run. Everyone's darling Darrelle Revis nearly "ole-ed" Tebow on his right side run and allowed another 2-3 yards. Dad-of-the-year Antonio Cromartie was a spectator as Tebow barrelled to the goal line, not even attempting to come off Eric Decker's block. A 240 QB heading straight at you in open field? The Jets turned tail.

DROPS: The Broncos seemed to abandon the chicanery that they employed on their first drive as the game wore on for a more vanilla offense. Dan Reeves' favorite play, the shuttle pass (or is it shuffle pass? It can be deemed a 'shuttle' and yet it is a 'shuffle') netted a nice gain. Decker threw a pass halfway to Castle Rock, and Eddie Royal was running around the backfield like he was playing in the CFL. Yet, after the team was stuffed on 4th down, the remainder of the game until the last drive was all predictable.

DROPS: Anyone see former Buff linebacker Matt Russell chilling in Elway's booth? He's now a scout for the team. Feel free to maybe wear a collared shirt, not spit into a foam cup, and not wear your grungy hat backwards around your boss, Matt.

PROPS: To see Tebow analyze the defense on run plays is akin to seeing Peyton Manning analyze the defense on a passing down. That might be the only time you see those two names together outside of a gold tourney. Tebow recognized the Jets' blitz, the angle DB Eric Smith would take, and his WRs routes taking the other DBS in an instant and turned it into the winning TD.

DROPS: Four time SG winner TDub commented before the game that a Buff win would be the "final payback" to Slick Rick because it would cost him his job. Yet three plays into the the game, UCLA had 14 points and cruised. Three tries against Rick and CU couldn't get him any of the times, yet this was the worst of the three. UCLA still committed Rick-like dumb penalties and did nothing fancy on O and had their way with the Buffs. No wonder they wore the black helmets, so they could blend in with the night and not be noticed.

DROPS: UCLA has four players with Buff ties who would be starting if not for the prior coaching staff. Taylor Embree at WR, Joseph Fauria at TE, Josh Smith at WR, and Kai Maiva at C. The latter two were transfers, while the former two had family ties to the program. Fauria (nephew of former Buff TE Christian)was unstoppable out there on Saturday, his athleticism at TE would make the Buffs better the moment he stepped on the field.

PROPS: The height that UCLA has on their team is like a hoops team out there. You could stack these guys on each other and wash the windows on the whole campus. Credit to their coaching staff for going right at our minute DBs quick and early.

DROPS: The CU road losing streak is laughable at this point. As soon as this squad steps on a plane, they ratchet their talent, execution, and desire down three levels. Any momentum from the Senior Day win over Arizona evaporated as soon as they touched down at LAX. That is on the players and the coaches. Hawk took heat for it, and now Embree is too.

RELATED: Nas - "It Ain't Hard To Tell" - ("I analyze, drop a jewel")

Embree Family Ties

2011-11-17T06:24:00.003-07:00

I smash teeth,
Fuck your beef,
No relief,
I step on stage girls scream like I'm Keith...

One of the subplots of the CU versus UCLA game this weekend is Jon Embree will be facing his son Taylor, who is a UCLA WR. Too bad he didn't come to CU, because we all know how much the father-son dynamic works on a football team. In honor of the matchup, pick which of the following is the plot from an 80s family sitcom and which is a football play:

--Taylor studies for a big test by taking "uppers" that allow him to stay up all night OR Jon allows his OC to call a screen pass 50 times in one game.

--Taylor wants an expensive shirt like his buddy Cockroach, but Jon suggests that he allows his sister to sew him a knock off shirt and hilarity ensues OR Jon calls his old employer Mike Shanahan to ask what he got into after another loss.

--Taylor goes camping with Boner and rides a suped-up dirt bike, angering Jon OR Jon completely runs out of defensive backs and plays every defensive play with eight linebackers.

--Taylor writes a story about drug use at his school, which earns the scorn of his principal, but soon everything is fine and Nancy Reagan comes to the school to speak of the dangers of drugs OR Jon designs a play which Tyler Hansen misfires the ball and hits the UCLA coach in the balls.

--Jon and Taylor leave the hardscrabble life or Brooklyn and move in with a wealthy ad exec in Connecticut, where Jon becomes the housekeeper OR Jon realizes his sophomore wideout is the only super talent on his team and goes one versus eleven.

RELATED: Tribe Called Quest - "Hot Sex on a Platter" - ("I'm large like a Huxtable")

Ground Assault

2011-11-14T05:55:00.002-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs win over Arizona and the Broncos 17-10 win in Kansas City:

PROPS: What in the name of the 1990 Colorado Buffaloes are the Broncos doing out there with this rushing attack? Fullback dives? Triple option? Option read? The WR in motion to run the option? Next thing you know, Navy and AFA will be sending their coaches to Dove Valley to study the playbook. End game is that it worked, and like the old school option teams, it demoralized the opponent. When a team, an NFL team no less, lines up and says "we're running" and then they do it to the tune of 200+ yards, it wears on the defensive line and LBs.

PROPS: Willis McGahee goes down and Knowshon Moreno comes in and is running like a man possessed (the "hurdle" run he had was a seat raiser.) Moreno comes in and you have Lance Ball (fantasy owners around the world are scrambling to even find his name) and runs well. If McGahee would've stayted in the game, the Donks win this game by three scores.

PROPS: Chiefs RB Jackie Battle: average back, coolest name. Sounds like a character out of a Blaxploitation flick. Question though, is he a good guy ("Man, Jackie Battle gonna come in here and shut down this heroin operation and save the neighborhood!") or is he a bad guy ("You messing with one of Jackie Battle's bitches, he ain't taking that lightly.")

PROPS: Lost in the shuufle of two pass completions and the ground game is the play of the defense, which was the best of the year. Yes, Matt Cassel and crew won't remind anyone of the 200 Rams, but Dwayne Bowe was a no factor thanks to Champ Bailey and DJ Williams and Von Miller were in the KC pocket all day. Cassel was battered and bruised and frankly looked a bit scared in the fourth. DB Chris Harris, an undrafted FA, was all over the field, running down WRs as they tried to save clock and knocking down passes.

PROPS: Brian Dawkins should thank the Chiefs for lining up wrong on that ridiculous play where the Chiefs WR caught the ball literally "around" Dawkins' torso. Tyrone Prothro of Alabama did that more than five years ago and they still show that clip.

PROPS: Did the Buffs do anything special in their win? Not really. The Wildcats are just not that good. Couple that with the lame duck "interim" status of the coaching staff (Arizona went for a 2pt conversion that made just no sense) and you have the recipe for a Buffs victory. Seniors Rodney Stewart ran at will and Toney Clemons played at WR the same way he should've been playing since last year.

DROPS: Summer baseball games at the old Candlestick park called and wanted to know what was up with all the wind at Folsom Field. There was debris blowing all over the field (yes, the joke of "wrappers" blowing on the field, ha ha, what "rappers"? Run-DMC, LL Cool J?)

DROPS: We kept hearing that after Andrew Luck, Matt Barkley, and Landry Jones, Arizona QB Nick Foles was the next NFL pick. I didn't see what he had to offer. Basically a poor man's Kyle Orton, which might be a real insult. He wasn't too mobile and telegraphed quite a few of his passes. Keep in mind he was working against a patchwork Buff defensive backfield of converted WRs, cheerleaders, and the guys who run the halftime frisbee dogs.

PROPS: Team Commish brought their oldest daughter to her first Buff football game. To see her face light up when she saw Ralphie for the first time could be Dad's favorite highlight of the year whether the team is 11-0 or 2-9. Keeps it in perspective that this is just football. That said, beat the hell out of that slimy Rick Neuheisel next weekend.

RELATED: NWA - "Straight Outta Compton" - ("...give a little gust of wind")

RIP Heavy D

2011-11-09T05:21:00.003-07:00

Hip Hop lost another luminary as Money Earnin Mt Vernon's Heavy D passed away at the age of 44. I was first introduced to Hev in 1987 when I peeped his "Overweight Lover" video on my local cable access channel. That first album was in rotation for a minute, as it seemingly embodied the mass releases post-Raising Hell of the mid 1980s. Like many true Hip Hoppers, Hev's subsequent releases didn't garner a lot of play with me. Too commercial, too dancy, too New Jack Swing. But every once in a while Hev would drop somethng like "Don't Curse" or "Who's The Man" or "You Can't See" to remind us that he wasn't all about the fancy suits and dance moves. Lyrically, he was pretty profound (he was doing the whole diggedy style way before Das Efx) and his album cameos were a Who's Who of Golden Age Hip Hop (Gangstarr, CL Smooth, Biggie, Kane, Busta, Grand Puba, Kool G Rap.) He will be missed but his music will live on. Diddly diddly diddly deee....

Oaktown 2-9-9

2011-11-07T06:55:00.004-07:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs Friday Night Lights beatdown at the hands of USC and the Broncos rushing assault of the Raiders:

PROPS: I came up during the Big 8 days when QBs and rushers were churning out yardage all over the field. So to see the Broncos and Tim Tebow amass 300 yards on the ground was a throwback thrill. The simplest of gameplans beat one of the supposed best defensive lines in football. JD Walton at center was the lynchpin, easily handling his man all game and allowing the Bronco backs to be into the secondary after one move at the line of scrimmage. Now, will this read option type of football work the rest of the way for the team?

PROPS: QBs and WRs certainly develop rhythms over a season or career, and it seems Eric Decker and Tebow might be that pair. Tebow appears to lock in on Decker when they need that five to ten yard gain.

DROPS: The Raiders are the most penalized team in football? Next thing you'll tell me is that water is wet. Al Davis may have passed, but the culture of the Raiders is the same as it was 40 years ago. The penalties cost them dearly in the game, and their over excitement to pund on Tebow made for some easy personal foul calls.

PROPS: The Bronco defense finally came to play in the second half, just in time when it appeared that Carson Palmer was wearing down. The Raiders seemingly draft fast WRs every year but never a top notch guy, as Champ Bailey feasted on whoever he was lined up across from. Two INTs later and Carson Palmer and the passing game were finished and the run game was stalled without Darren McFadden.

PROPS: If Matt Barkley of USC was throwing his hat into the audition to be the Bronco starting QB on Friday, someone get him a spot on the casting couch. The QB was accurate as the come (outside of one late first half INT) tot he tune of six TD passes at Folsom. Now granted, his WRs may be more talented than some NFL teams, and the Buff secondary wouldn't matchup with too many flaf football teams, but he was smooth none the less.

PROPS: Chants from the SG section to Barkley as the game went on: "Elway Hates You!" "Tebow is Better!" Six TDs later: "Play in Denver!"

PROPS: Never been the "uniform guy" but the Buffs all black with the black helmets looked pretty dope. Now, do they get to keep those helmets because I know this tattoo guy who...

DROPS: The Buffs got through the five game crucible of the schedule looking completely hopeless and out talented. The first quarter of the USC game was the only semblance of a competitive football team and Rodney Stewart and Toney Clemons were the only players who looked like they could contribute on another squad. I mean, there hasn't been any sense to even "break down" any of the games on here because the problems are damn obvious. Bottom line and we all know this now is the Buffs and Jon Embree have a ton of work ahead of them. To boot, there is starting to get some questioning of Embree and staff ten games into his first season.

RELATED: Casual - "Me-O-Mi-O"

Mr. Muthafuckin eXquire - "The Last Huzzah (Remix)"

2011-11-04T07:51:00.003-06:00

Back in the Fall of 1994, smack dab in the "Golden Age" of Hip Hop, me and a loose sembelance of peeps that would later form the SG Massive, used to debate the "Flavor in Ya Ear Remix." Biggie, Busta, Craig Mack, et al. Who killed it? Who had the best line? Fast forward 17 years and Mr. Muthafuckin Equire just brings the iiiilll remix of "The Last Huzzah" with the even iiiiiilllllller video mimicked after the 93 style. And check the other MCs" Das Rascist ("the worst rapper on this track but third coolest"), Despot, Danny Brown, Killer Mike, and a rejuvenated El-P. Check it.

Orange Pumpkins

2011-10-31T05:13:00.001-06:00

~~PROPS~~ TREATS and ~~DROPS~~ TRICKS from the tandem blowouts this weekend that were the Buffs in the desert versus Arizona State and the Broncos at home versus the Lions:

TRICKS: Yep, Tim Tebow had a bad game. Check that, outside of the first drive and some garbage time, he was about as ineffective as you could be as an NFL QB. Let's not label as a hater r supporter, but the team around him and the play calling were just as wretched. Tebow doesn't play defense, he didn't let the Lion WRs roam nearly free in the backfield. He doesn't play linebacker, where Tony Scheffler and the Maurice Morris (Maurice Morris? Really? How many of you pick him up in your fantasy league as a desperation back at some poin the last few years?) had their way. He doesn't play WR, where DeMaryius Thomas played as inspired as a pothead the day after 420. He doesn't call the plays, which in a tricky scheme, they simply reversed last week and threw on 1st down and ran on second. Face it folks, the QB is bad, but the whole team is too.

TRICKS: There might be a little more light shed on the Jim Schwartz douche-ness factor. Nice coiffed salt and pepper hair and trimmed goatee. Mirrored shades, yep. Shades stay on when the sun went behind the stands. Was this guy a coach or the guy hanging at the Chili's Happy Hour?

TREATS: Calvin Johnson was one of the best lpayers I ever saw live in college, and it looks like the Megatron moniker is well served (outside of the whoel robot-bent-on-evil-domination thing.) He made Champ Bailey look like a chump on his TD; and his size is just impressive.

TRICKS: As cool as the "Tebowing" thing was last week (hell, my two year old was doing it) we all knew it would become officially played this weekend. Yes, you sacked the QB or scored a TD, time do do some Tebowing. On to the next one, "Slushy Guttering", where you lie on the ground after consuming too much alcohol (aka "passing out")

TRICKS: Buff backup QB Nick Hirschman got a start after we were lead to believe Tyler Hansen was out with a concussion, yet there was Hansen in the game in the 2nd quarter. Why f*ck around and not just start Hansen? Did we think Hirschman would be Kordell Stewart and peg the Buffs to a three score lead? You're messing with a college kid by yanking him after a few series and messing with Hansen's health by sending him out there to get moshed.

TREATS: A lone bright spot for CU was starting RB Tony Jones, who has run hard and showed some speed and moves. The New Jersey back will have every opportunity to be a three year feature back after Rodney Stweart graduates. Plus I can scream "Jerssssey" and annoy everone through 2015.

TRICKS: The new ASU logo might seem cool now, but it will look real dated in a just a couple years. I think it looks more suited to someone's Affliction t-shirt rather than a football helmet. Hey, maybe Jim Schwartz has one.

TREATS: Throughout the game we heard ASU players comment on how much they hated honoree coach Frank Kush. Include one football coach named Jack Elway among those with the hatred, so much so he spread the contempt to his son John. The coach in Baltimore when Elway was pegged to be the top pick and Baltimore had it? One Frank Kush. Thank You for being an asshole, Frank.

RELATED: KRS-One - "Duck Down" - ("Leo the Lion, MC's they be cryin")

Bathroom Bar Art #7

2011-10-27T05:39:00.000-06:00

FOUND BY: Commish CH
WHERE: Downtown Louisville, Colorado.

Add your captions and comments in the 'Comments' section.

Miami Heist

2011-10-24T06:08:00.001-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs' blow out loss to the Ducks and the Broncos' miracle win in Miami:

PROPS: Wanted: A hypnotist to work with local professional football quarterback. Repsonsibilities include hypnotizing said QB into thining that first 55 minutes of football game is actually teh last five minutes. Please apply with with Denver Broncos, Dove Valley, Colorado. To say that Tim Tebow's first three quarters of football was horrid is a disservice to thw word 'horrid'. He had more good passes to dudes in Bronco/Dolphin polo shirts than to actual Bronco WRs. But there he was in the last two drives looking like Fran Tarkenton Jr (minus the cheesy hosting role on "That's Incredible!") Yes, the Bronco brain trust didn't actually let him loose with the vanilla game plan, but what do expect, they only had two weeks to prepare.

DROPS: Let's remember that this was the Miami Dolphins that we are talking about here. They have a QB named Matt Moore, dropped at least five passes, play in a half empty stadium, and have a coach who will soon be appearing as an analyst rather than a football coach.

PROPS: Lost in the Tebow hysteria was Matt Prater's flawless onside kick execution. The bounce he got on that would make a professional foursquare player blush. Yes, the Dolphin player dropped it, but the hangtime allowed the Donk players to converge on him and dislodge the rock. Far out theory on the bounce: that field in Miami is one of two in the NFL that is shared with baseball; the field is a bit harder and compact due to the use of the turf.

PROPS: Was there not a person in the known football universe that thought the Broncos would do anything but run Tebow on the 2pt conversion? Why even bother covering the spread WRs? You have a great chance Tebow wouldn't be able to get the ball to an uncovered WR on the sideline.

DROPS: Is there anything worse than a blowout score where you only have 2 points? It just screams "our snapper screwed up at some point and gave up a safety." But alas, the Buffs got their 2 points and were spared the humiliation of a shutout, because you know they haven't been humiliated all season.

PROPS: I saw no dropoff with the Ducks backup QB in the game, rather he looked quicker and more agile than their normal starter. Depth, that's what good/great teams have. Point fingers at Dan Hawkins or whoever, but the Buffs depth is non-existant. You have guys playing in positions they've never played, walk ons everywhere, and injured players struggling to play.

PROPS: Former SG winner Juck joked all day that "we need to build around our kicking game." After seeing Buff punter Darragh O'Neill punt a billion times, that's not reallty a wacky concept. It could be argued he is one of the team's best players, and that when he punts he puts the opposing offense in a position to be less-than-successful. Recruit the defensive players to keep the offense at bay and a power running game to go with it and you have a winner! There you go Embree, us drunks solved your entire dilemna.

DROPS: CU becomes the second BCS team (Indiana) to be eliminated from the post season. Throw all the jokes about not missing Shreveport or Albuquerque, but even those bowls are looking so far off now. Sad day when we miss the Weedeater Bowl.

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Occupy Slushy Gutter

2011-10-20T05:29:00.004-06:00

We recently caught up with the leader of the ongoing Occupy Slushy Gutter movement and asked a few questions. Some snippets:

CH: What exactly does Occupy Slushy Gutter want?

OSG: We're tired of these lackluster teams in Colorado. Broncos, Rockies, Buffs. Hell the Nuggets don't even have enought players if they ever start. So we're staying right here until something is done.

CH: Right here...on a blog that is read by barely anyone, you're "occupying" it?

OSG: We figured there might some residual beers. A couple dudes like Wu Tang. Plus, they kind of discourage this type of thing everywhere else.

CH: The other day when I was backing out of the driveway, one of your guys was crapping in my front yard.

OSG: Yeah, sorry about that. That Chinese joint down the way was giving him some problems.

CH: What about the Rapids, they did win the MLS Cup.

OSG: In that case, the Maple Elementary Mathletes won the Math Olympics too.

CH: Are you using social media to advance this movement?

OSG: I did reconnect with this skank from high school. That ended up well for me.

CH: Has the move to Tim Tebow affected your followers?

OSG: We made a statue of him out of the spare beer cups and Twizzler wrappers. There's a group of the occupiers who chant and pray around him now.

CH: The Avs are off to a great start, does that play into your strategy?

OSG: Does Patrick Roy still play for them?

CH: No.

OSG: Well then we're protesting their use of ice for other than in my beer cooler.

CH: Fight the power.

OSG: Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamp! When do you think that beer is coming round?

RELATED: Jungle Brothers - "How You Want It?" - ("Occupy world-wide...")

Seattle Slew

2011-10-17T05:50:00.002-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs' dismantling at the hands of the Huskies and the Broncos bye week:

-DROPS: The book is out on the Buffs and it has been shortened to a brochure, actually it is a piece of paper the size of a fortune cookie paper: pass the ball. The Buff defensive backfield is so decimated by injuries, suspensions, and general crappy play that any sembelance of a passing game will work. Yes, valuable experience is being gained by the players that are back there. Really? Is it valuable experience to see tight ends and receivers 10 yards away from anything in Black and Gold? Washington QB Keith Price, Sean Price, Price Is Right, shit, muthafucking Bob Barker could've thrown for 200 yards on Staurday.

-DROPS: The list of Buff playmakers is already pretty short (see fortune coookie size listed above) and now the news that RB Rodney Stewart is out for some time and the defense's best Player Doug Rippy is lost for season. More freshmen and that "valuable" experience.

-PROPS: The Buffs' offense played halfway decent in the game, especially RB Tony Jones and Keenan Canty. Jones showed some burst and is a bit more physical than Stewart, however the Buffs have to be drooling over a back like UW's Chris Polk, a large bruising back more in the mold of Chris Brown. The smaller backs fill the Buff roster, so recruiting must address the bigger back need.

-DROPS: Everyone has that "go to" play in Madden or EA College Football that they know will get them the yards they need. For Buff OC Eric Bienemy that play is the screen pass. How other teams haven't keyed on the play is a marvel of scouting.

-PROPS: You figure the with the Donks BYE week that there would be some hardcore coaching sessions with Tim Tebow and the staff. But thanks to the new CBA there is no contact allowed between players and coaches. Did the staff leave Timmy a plate of cookies and a stack of plays with little notes ("Tim: this is a good play :) - Foxy") that he could study all week?

RELATED: Sean Price - "Figure Four"

NBA: The 'A' is for 'Absent'

2011-10-13T05:56:00.000-06:00

You got beef than holla,
My crew sticks together like Richy and Dollar...

It's looking more and more like we're not going to have an NBA season (which is bad news for all three of the SG readers. Less basketball means less to talk about in the winter "doldrum" months which means more rambling about beer or even less content. On second thought, that may be a good thing.)

With D Stern (I like calling him that, sounds like a early 90's conscious rap group. "Yo you check the knowledge Dstern was droppin on "Lessons of a Rebel"? Yo, homeboy goes after it!") cancelling the first two weeks of the season, it deprives me of the Melo visit to the Pepsi Center. Quite possibly that visit would've been the most reviled return in Denver sports history. Booing. Lots of booing. Maybe some Tiger-like hot dogs thrown on the floor. Lots of dudes with old "15" Nugget jersies covered with duct tape that read cheesy things like "traitor" or "Jello" or "Tebow." (I own three Carmelo jersies, so good chance I would be in the duct tape and Sharpie crowd. Probably would've went with "Mr. LaLa" on mine.) Hot ticket indeed.

In all it's probably a good thing for Melo, as the longer he stays away from Denver (at this point he might not return to our fair state until Spring 2013) the easier it will be for Denver fans to forget him and his act last year. Alas, there'll be knuckleheads like the SG to remind you to keep that duct tape handy.

RELATED: Gravediggaz - "Dangerous Minds" - ("face full of duct tape")

Timmy Time

2011-10-10T05:33:00.003-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs’ big loss to Andrew Luck and Stanford and the Broncos and Tim Tebow’s last second loss to the Chargers:

PROPS: One of the Orange Company lines about Kyle Orton and Tim Tebow was that a switch to Tebow would “lose the locker room.” Didn’t look that way yesterday from the comfort of the living room. The energy level when the Tebow comeback began was infectious; offensive lineman celebrating, the sideline abuzz, Tebow and players screaming at each other to urge themselves on. And the defense for the most part with the mindset of “we gotta get this guy the ball back” is not something you see with Kyle Orton and his straight vanilla style and leadership.

DROPS: The personal foul call on DJ Williams trends on basketball when you can’t call that at that time. It was a reaction to a pretty hard shove from a Charger player and then you see Williams throw up his hands. The flag was more for the throwing up of hands which nearly implicates “I’m guilty” in today’s NFL. For the “foul is a foul” contingent, then call the blatant pass interference on the Hail Mary on the last play.

PROPS: Tebow had more moves than the Solid Gold dancers on the last play of the game. There were spins, half steps, sprints, hands above heads. Was that a football play or some Tekken fighting moves?

DROPS: Oooooh, did you see Phillip Rivers menacing glare into the South Stands after his touchdown run? Was he glaring at the dude in the fifth row who put ketchup on his hot dog?

PROPS: Tebow and Knowshon Moreno both played their TD screen pass perfectly. Tebow drew in the rush and got the pass off at the last instant, then Moreno followed his blocks perfectly for the first down and then TD. His running through of the Chargers safety probably won’t gain that dude any dap in the San Diego film room.

PROPS: Well let’s just say it now: Andrew Luck lived up to all the hype. He’s ready to be the top NFL pick and most likely start right away in the right situation. Against a Buff defense he looked so relaxed and poised, like he knew he could almost play ¾ speed. Easy to think that way when CU is playing converted WRs, freshmen, and Ralphie Handlers at defensive back. His strikes are comparable to one Aaron Rodgers and his football know-how can be Peyton Manning-like.

DROPS: For all his accolades, Luck has to lose the beard. He looks like Dwight Schrute's farmhnd on "The Office."

DROPS: You really can’t say there was a “turning point” in a 40 point loss, but the Buffs were trailing 13-7 when Stanford was driving. A tipped Luck pass was picked off by Terrel Smith and the Buffs took over. Rather than trying anything to sustain a drive and take a little time, the Buffs promptly go 3 and out, punt badly, allow a nice return and Stanford has the ball deep in Buff territory. Game over.

DROPS: Mrs Commish: “Is that Tiger Woods?” Me: “Yep.” Mrs Commish: “Is he looking for hoes down on the sideline?”

DROP/PROPS: In a strange convergence the Buffs and Donks met this weekend with everyone in predominantly Orange wanting Luck to in the draft. However, this Tebow thing has everyone in Dove Valley worrying he’ll get them 3-4 more wins and falling to the 5-10 pick and inevitably blowing it.

RELATED: Luckyiam f/ Aceyalone & Slug - "For You"

Orange You Glad

2011-10-06T05:55:00.002-06:00

Follow me into a solo, get in the flow
and you can picture like a photo...

The Broncos announced after NFL approval that they will switch back to Orange for their home jersey. They SG weighs in:

-Will it be the orange of the old school Broncos that more resembled the curtain at your elementary school auditorium? Or the new sleek Reebok orange that is all shiny and Fast and Furious-like? Or will it match the fur of Alf?

-Tim Tebow's new jersey will be interspersed with the orange wing strands of a Monarch butterfly and fine silks blessed bythe rulers of a distant Far Eastern kingdom.

-Why not bring back some other older Denver traditions? Who remembers the Bronco nine-piece band that had a little cubby hole cut out in the northeast corner of the old South Stands? Those dudes could rock "Mack The Knife" like no other.

-Somewhere when the annoncement back to orange was made, Ricky Nattiel broke down and wept. He felt vindicated and loved.

-The team had to petition the NFL and they had to approve it (did Joe Ellis write on some loose leaf paper: 'Can we switch to orange? Check this box!' with a Crayola marker?) Such red tape for a simple move. The government would be proud.

-Somewhere in Colorado there's some dude with a tattoo that references Denver and "Blue Forever" who is pouring over laser removal ads.

-In all seriousness, if you are going to switch to orange, it's time to get rid of the 'Dragon Horse' logo too. Switch back to the old school 'D' but keep the navy blue helmet color. As Norm Peterson once said, "did I tell you I programmed myself to dream about your colors last night?"

-Good move to switch back, I mean four Super Bowl losses sure beat two Super Bowl wins.

RELATED: Ice-T - "Colors"

Lambeau Weak

2011-10-03T05:42:00.001-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs collapse versus Wasshington State and the Packers dismantling of the Broncos:

DROPS: There's not a ton of advanced break down you can do for the Donk-Pack game (and if you were looking for that, you damn sure wouldn't be on this blog.) The Pack and Aaron Rodgers are just that much better right now. Yes, the turnovers were costly (any shot, and that was tiny, of a comeback went bye-bye with Daniel Fells TO inside the five) and the running game never got any legs to keep Rodgers and Co off the field. But Rodgers looked like he was playing a video game versus the Denver D.

PROPS: Why does everyone assume that Aaron Rodgers championship belt celebration is a large boxing type belt? Maybe it's a snakeskin joint? Or a red glossy type from the 80s? Or maybe a Clampett style rope.

DROPS: Jon Embree talked after the late collapse how he and the staff are tired of losing after five weeks and he can't understand how the players aren't either. As a coach, it is his job to get the players in a position to win. His strange call (I know it wasn't his call, but he is the boss, his staff made the call) on 3rd and 10 with 1:55 in the game to pass the ball didn't get the Buffs into the winning position. At that point, Wazzu had no time outs, so a run would've bled 50 seconds off the clock. Wazzu still would've got the ball back, but with 45-50 seconds left. When the time is that slim, the sense of urgency usually leads to a starange panic and bad things can happen.

DROPS: Anyone catch the girl diving across a row of people to get a piece of the Lambeau Leapers? I'm sure she was sober. On second thought, she had better leaping ability than the Donks WR corps.

PROPS: AJ Hawk, Clay Matthews: the hair to be part of the American Gladiators cast?

PROPS: Rodney Stewart and the CU OL seem to be gelling, albeit it was versus a PAC-12 bottom feeder. The holes were substantial and the Cougar players were gasping for air after being pushed most of the game. it would've been a nice story if the Buffs had won, perhaps a blueprint for the rugged schedule that follows: control the ball on the ground and keep the Potent Andrew Luck, Oregon, USC offenses on the sideline.

PROP/DROP: Jason Espinoza and Brian Lockridge were Buff offensive players a couple weeks back, with injuries they were lining up and contributing at defensive back versus WSU. Lockridge even had a key sack late in the game. Yet the winning TD pass was completed against a senior safety and freshman defensive back. Where was the "way back" third safety on that play? 63 yards? Hell, you can have Rashaan Salaam's MJ dealer chilling 40 yards back with teh only reason being to stop big plays like that.

DROPS: When some late night guru is peddling "how to coach football" tapes (yeah, VHS tapes. Because those type of dudes only know old school tapes in VCRs larger than a Fiat.) and they have the onside kick demo, just throw on the Packers onside kick. Executed to perfection from the kick by Mason Crosby to the blocks, to the recovery. The Broncos were helpless on that play; they couldn't have recovered if they had 12 players, the Stanford band, Vince Lombardi's family, and Laverne and Shirley on the field.

DROPS: Is Paul Richardson hitting a wall or are defenses keying on him? It is definitely the latter, combined with the other WRs not exactly playing the Robin role to his Batman. Toney Clemons has his moments and Tyler McCullough looks like a freshman, while the TE game was horribly absent from the gameplan on Saturday. Richardson's late fumble might've been just him being tired from being double teamed all day.

RELATED: House of Pain f/ Guru - "Fed Up"

Apathy ft. Celph Titled - "Stop What Ya Doin"

2011-09-29T05:14:00.001-06:00

DJ Premier and add a little of 2010 favorite Celph Titled, plus some ill lyrics from Apathy ("I'm a Garbage Pail kid doing the cabbage patch") and you have the mad crazy jawn that is "Stop What Ya Doin." Leave it to Preemo to come up with the classic Humpty Hump first line to set it off. One of the highlights of Ap's "Honkey Kong" album. Check it son (and peep Celph reppin the Tampa Rays cap...seems timely.)

No Nashville Push

2011-09-26T05:57:00.002-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs journey to Columbus and the Broncos close loss in Nashville:

DROPS: What happenned during the fourth quarter timeout which started with the Donk FG unit on the field and came back with Orton and Crew? Did the players show Coach Fox a comprehensive Power Point presentation on why to go for it? Fox's initial hunch to kick the FG and have a touchdown lead was probably the right one. Getting to the actual calls, there's so many second guesses on goal line situations. Yes, run on the perimeter; try Tebow; an end around (Rod Smith used to run those on the goal line to perfection); but one nearly automatic play is a 19 yard field goal.

DROPS: To say the Buffs special teams were horrendous would be a slander to the word horrendous and the two words slotted next to them in the dictionary. From the first kick out of bounds to the ugly return games, someone has som 'splaining to do and it might be the ST coach. First, get Rodney Stewart off of the punt return game, insert a sure handed guy (ie Logan Gray, etc.) who might actually run forward rather than trying to do the cha-cha with the first defender. Next, tell Arvada West kicker Justin Castor to take the next three years off and be the guy on the team to force Will Oilver to "compete." After that, explain that for the opposing offense to start in your own territory is actually a disadvantage to your chances of winning.

DROPS: The refs in the NFL actual use pagers to review plays. Not some sort of buzzer system, but a straight up 1996 pager. The biggest, baddest league in the world is using a Sir-Mix-A-Lot pager system. (Have some fun with your kids- when they ask you for a cell phone toss them your pager from back in the day.)

PROPS: The Donk run defense was very stout even missing their three top tacklers. Von Miller and Joe Mays are flying all over the field and the front four are more then holding their own versus a strong running team. That said, Chris Johnson might be the most overrated player in the league. The money the Titans gave him will ultimately bite them in the Tennessee ass.

DROPS: Networks that flash the "top rushers" graphic after a long run by a QB or in yesterday's case, the punter, is so tired. Yo damn, Brett Kern is the Titans top rusher? I'm picking him up to start for me a RB in my Fantasy League! Championship!

DROPS: Many of the same errors that Dan Hawkins got hammered for at CU are still be committed. Now the questiono is has the culture really changed or is it the Hawkins "players" that have the mistakes nearly burned into their football prowess. Our guess is a combo of both. Jon Embree can yell and scream all he wants but he can't stop some 19 year old from taking a personal foul. But, he can stop that same kid from lining up in the wrong spot and getting a formation foul.

DROPS: Four minutes left, down by a field goal? Who would you want under center? Kyle Orton, Mr Fourth Quarter. Seriously, Orton's in-ability to lead game winning drives is nearly laughable at this point.

DROPS: This may be a "down" year in Columbus, but the speed disparity between OSU and CU is miles apart. Speed wins in college football and the Buffs are running a relay team in the Senior Citizen Games compared to the top tier teams.

DROPS: Now that the CU non-conference schedule is over, we can look at AD Mike Bohn and the horrible disservice he did with these past four games. He knew there was going to be a new coach over a year and half ago yet had CU criss cross from Hawaii to Ohio State. Then they couldn't get a conference opponent off the schedule in that same time frame. Hell, drop Cal and play an intramural team. We all know the BS that is involved with having to play the Goats in Denver, so keep the team in Boulder the other three games. Here it is nearly October and we've had one game in Boulder?

RELATED: Notorious BIG - "Warning" - ("Paging me at six in the morning")

Walk It Out

2011-09-22T07:20:00.006-06:00

This is a battle rhyme in case you haven't noticed
You get replaced you get demoted

One of the most tired "traditions" in Colorado sports took place yesterday: the Rockies annual "Thank You" lap around Coors Field. The Purp should feel all the embarrassment of that tart who stayed over at your apartment back in the day and had to throw back on her beer and smoke stained gear from the night before take the seemingly endless morning march back to her car (while you, the ultimate gentleman, snoozed away and didn't even get up with her to offer her a breakfast Nutrigrain bar.)

Hey, lets walk around the field throwing cheap t-shirts to our ~~suckers~~ fans to thanks them for watching one of our most disappointing seasons in recent memory. Hey, kid in front row, high five this player. You don't know who he is because we just brought him up, or traded for him from Oakland, or maybe he's just a groundskeeper. Clap clap clap!

Also, we'll give away some special prizes, like bats and gloves. Normally we'd ship these to our Dominican academy because they belong to players who have no chance of being of here in 2012! Yeah! Nice, watch Tulo and CarGo walk around the warning track and scream to them. Just don't scream at them about their lack of clutch hitting throughout the year. Go Rockies!

Manager Jim Tracy will lead the walk, although after this year he should be walking straight to his office and figure out a new coaching staff. Hey, that's Eric Young, his dad hit a big home run 18 years ago! Hooray! Thank you, fans! That's what it reads on the scoreboard too; it did say Padres-4 Rockies-0, but we love you fans!

Now we're walking in front of the away team dugout, you know the same away teams that gave us a losing record in what should be one of the toughest home fields in the National League! Yes! Here, take this batting practice ball! Ooooooh, look it's Dinger! He's a dinosaur!

Thank you fans! Nearly three million strong in 2011! Look how much we love you and your ticket buying discretionary income! See our walk of shame!

RELATED: Showbiz & AG - "Soul Clap" - ("...more suckers than a World War")

Mile High Half Empty

2011-09-19T06:32:00.006-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from Saturday's Buffs win in the Rocky Mountain Showdown and yesterday's Broncos win over the Bengals:

DROPS: Everybody wants to talk about whether or not the CU-CSU game should be played at Sports Authority Field, so the SG will speak the truth too. The announced attendance was 57K. If you believe that, then you might also believe there's no hippies in Boulder. I'd say the crowd was again in the 45K range. To put it simply, Ram fans didn't show up. Take away their student section and they'd be hard pressed to fill three sections in the lower bowl. This has to be a bit baffling for CSU admin types, given the teams' records going into the game. It wasn't only the game crowd, but the pregame was fairly tame (although props to the young CU lass who trampled past our setup, only slowing down to throw up. After a long search for some water, it kind of doused the vomit from the asphalt. Eh, who needed bottled water for ta hot day anyway?)

PROPS: If Willis McGahee didn't show the Bronco brass he should be getting the bulk of the carries for the remainder of the season, he may want to bribe Elway with picts of his wife as a Raider cheerleader. The veteran ran hard, and more importantly, straight north and south. Knowshon Moreno was seen on the sideline trying to figure out this straight line/quickest way between two points thing.

PROPS: The Bengals really had two golden chances to win this thing in the last four minutes, albeit for some suspect play calling, and some stout Bronco defense. Robert Ayers made his best, if not only, play as a Bronco on one late stop. Then some guy named Jonathon Wilhite (Gerald's son/nephew?) made a huge play on Andy Dalton to end the game. Much maligned with Dumervil and Champ out, the Donk D played ""bend all the way to small cracks start" philosophy all game long and it worked in the end.

PROPS: Back when we used to play NCAA Football on PS2, I'd always try to get the ball first and literally run the ball for the entire 1st half. Of course, I'd also pound three to six beers in that time and by game's end I would have trouble seeing the TV. That's kind of what the Buffs did to seal the game on Saturday: a 10+ minute drive to take a 14 point lead. And it was old-school-like fat-laces type drive: all runs and short passes. There were four 3rd downs on the drive and two holding penalties that gave the Buffs 1st and 20 starts and they still methodically moved the rock with a 5' 6" running back and his new backup Tony "Jerrrrrrrsey" Jones.

DROPS: Andy Dalton, good QB, but that dude looks like the evil attack clown from Poltergeist.

DROPS: Everyone loves when teams are in trouble and scrape and tape rosters together like the Broncos did at WR on Sunday. But you have to ask why were they in that spot? One, DeMaryus Thomas is on the active roster and will not play until November, which then will be risky. Then you have a banged up B Lloyd. Why not sign some out there WR this week on a short contract? Isn't that a better option then tight ends and Tim Tebow playing WR? By the way, did anyone really think Kyle Orton would throw Tebow a pass? The Bengals could've covered him with one of those halftime jump rope kids.

PROPS: The Buff corners manned up real well with the Goat wideouts and took away anything from Pete Thomas all day. Throw in Ray Polk (good to see you listen to the SG, Ray) and Anthony Perkins laying wood and the Ram receivers looked a little shook all afternoon.

PROPS: Good to see Donk favorite Ed Hochilu working the game. Also good to see the NFl still can't find him a non-form fitting ref uniform. Maybe his wife doesn't wash in cold water.

RELATED: Prodigy - "Keep It Thoro" - ("haunt like Poltergeists...")

Top Billboard Spot

2011-09-15T06:10:00.003-06:00

A jam strong enough that it can lift your soul,
I'm the originator and my rhymes are made of gold...

A group of disgruntled Bronco fans are planning on putting together some billboards downtown urging the team to bench Orton and play Tim Tebow. They will read "Bench Orton, Play Tim." Wow, advertising genius that even Darrin Stevens would be proud of. With a hefty price tag, the SG has some other billboard ideas and taglines.

-- "Hello Cedric Benson: 5280 ft in elevation, 280 in yards"

-- A beaming picture of Orton (if one exists) that reads "Neckbeards? Yes. Points in the red zone? No!"

--A plain orange billboard in which team president John Elway will live on with a group of 10 cougars who populate his Cherry Creek steakhouse until the team wins.

-- "NFL Trade Deadline Oct 23. Last good player turn off the lights"

-- "Chicago and New England Fans: Good seasts available for December Bronco games. Contact any Bronco season ticket holder."

-- "Sports Authority Fiel at Mile High. Yes, there's no 'D' there."

-- A picture of a frustrated Coach Fox and "Don't blame me, it's the previous administration's fault."

-- A picture of R2D2 projecting Stanford QB Andrew Luck and "Save us Andrew, you're our only hope."

RELATED: Rahzel - "All I Know" - ("...number five in the Billboard...")

Blame It On The Rain

2011-09-13T05:49:00.001-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Broncos bungling loss on MNF to the Raiders and the Buffs' OT loss to the Cal Bears:

DROPS: Donks are driving for the go-ahead score early in the 4th quarter when Kyle Orton fumbles/drops/slips the ball and Oakland recovers. The Raiders quickly score off the turnover and for all intents the game is over. On the bumble play, Orton had his TE wide open on the left side after a brillant play fake. If he doesn't score, it sets up the Donks in prime position deep in the red zone. Whoa, hold up, wait a minute!? Maybe Orton overthrows the TE, maybe the Raiders recover and quickly cover the play, maybe he drops it! How can you say that was the game!? And maybe the frisbee dog picks off the pass and runs it halfway down Federal Boulevard... Orton's gaffe was game end.

PROPS: Easiest thing to throw out about the Buffs is one Paul Richardson. Simply put, this guy is the most dynamic offensive player in the Black and Gold this side of 1994. Cal is loaded with team speed and Richardson had a step on them when he caught his two TD passes, but by the time he was at the five yard line he had five steps on them. Now that we (and the entire conference) know that this cat is the stud he is, the opposite receiver (hello Toney Clemons) has to be that much better.

DROPS: It amazes me that the Raiders can play the same tired "renegade" football that involves penalties and more penalties. This isn't 1975 anymore, refs key on that type of foul play. (Although if it was 1975 I'd want one of those Snoopy shaved ice machines that were so popular back then.) However, the personal foul penalty that the Raiders got the Kevin Vickerson to commit at the end of the half basically gave them three points.

DROPS: Sebastin Janikowski's historic kick gave the Raiders a huge shot of momentum heading into the locker room, how oftern can you say that about a kick? On the other hand, the Bronco kicking game was suspect. John Fox should've never had Matt Prater attempt his 56 yard FG in those conditions, which gave the Raiders a short field. And the blocked Bronco kick also tallied a score for the Raiders. All told, the bad kicks cost the Orange 10 points.

PROPS: Jason Campbell looks like he should be sporting a multi-colored knit sweater, posing in front of some smoke and bright neon purple lights and singing late-80's R & B hits.

DROPS: Both the Buff offense and defense get a fail for their act late in their respective series in OT. Offense: 1st and Goal from the four, yes Rodney got you there, but maybe he needs a break at that point and try something on the outside. If the 1st down fails, get Rodney on the perimeter rather than up the gut two calls in a row. 3rd down, Richardson is wide open and Tyler Hansen drastically underthrows him. On defense, you get Cal into a 1st and 30 proposition. At that point they are thinking a few yards to try a tying FG. Bring the house after the QB rather than letting the play and the shoddy tackling that has been in effect all game.

DROPS: If Darren McFadden played versus the Broncos in every game all year, he would break Emmitt Smith's career rushing record by Week 11. The Bronco run defense was dreadful, as the loss of Ty Warren is going to be tougher to overcome than the team has let on. When your hardest hitting and most consistent tacklers are Champ Bailey and Brian Dawkins, there's issues.
PROPS: After years of Buff kicking woes, frosh kicker Will Oliver appears to have his FGs in order. Besides a strange resemblance to former Illinois Guv Rod Blagojevich, the team appears shored up at the position.

DROPS: Hello, Sports Authority? It's the Bronco training staff. Do you have any longer cleats for us to use?

DROPS: There was way too much of chest pumping after the game from segments of the Buff masses. News flash: they lost the game. If Dan Hawkins had lost that game rather than Jon Embree, it would be indicative of what is wrong in Buff land. Twelve penalties, including many mental ones; missed tackles; missed assignments (Hello, Ray Polk); and a myriad of other questions. Yes, they showed tons of fire and heart. Yes, the coaching staff looking animated and pumped up the crowd. In the end, they still lost the game. The old adage about close in horse shoes and hand grenades comes into play (although a hand grenade that is close can be picked up and hurled back in the face of your attacker. Hah! Take that Mr Cliché!)

RELATED: LL Cool J - "How I'm Coming" - ("You can call me R&B homey which stands for rough brother")

Timbo King – High Ranking (feat. R.A. The Rugged Man)

2011-09-07T06:26:00.003-06:00

Would you buy lemonade from RA The Rugged Man? On that thought would you buy any type of liquid from any MC in the history of Hip Hop? Check the new freshness that is Timbo King and his crew. Rapid fire delivery and tight production from all plus some pretty funny visuals. Check it.

Buffs Lay A Brick

2011-09-04T07:30:00.006-06:00

PROPS and DROPS from the Buffs' season opening loss in Hawaii:

DROPS: Silly penalties, no offensive imagination, gimmicky pep talks, and crazy substitution patterns. Three hallmarks of the Dan Hawkins era/error in Buffland. But all three were front and center in the first half last night. Offensive coordinator Eric Bienemy looked like he was calling plays from the Stone Age and looked a bit overwhelmed early. Think about it, EB came from the Minnesota Vikings. Did the Brad Childress Vikings of the last few years remind anyone of the 1999 Rams on offense? That what the Buffs' play calling gave us in the first 5 minutes.

DROPS: The Buff offensive line was borderline manhandled. The pocket didn't simply collapse on Tyler Hansen, it disintegrated in an instant. And this is Hawaii, not Ohio State or USC, having their way with the OL, especially the left side of the ball. Ryan Dannewitz looked like he was lost out there. Buff coaches need to go camp out at the top OL prospects schools on Tuesday morning (which will be tought since the top OL in Colorado has already pledged to play for Auburn.)

DROPS: Embree made each player bring a brick to the game, this being a "brick game" to signify the building of the program. Now, do you check the brick in your luggage? Can you carry it on or will TSA get all pissy?

PROPS: Hawaii is like that dude you knew a few years back who was a happy-go-lucky dude who rocked a funky Suzuki Samurai, wore crazy flowered shirts, and had bleach blond hair. Then you see him recently and he has a shaved dome, a white t, and is covered with tats. He's "hard" now. The tattoo artists on Oahu have a built in clientele with the football team.

DROPS: The Buffs cut it to a TD lead with nearly the whole fourth quarter remaining and get teh ball back. The above mentioned OL gives up sacks to pin the Buffs back and the ball is kicked from the end zone. That series you have to get creative and the Buffs didn't. Paul Richardson (hands down the team's best player) end around, an option play, a trick play, anything to keep that momentum going.

PROPS: East Coast Buff fans: the game is still on at 1:30 in the morning and the commercials are for catheters. There can be an analogy there but it makes most of us shudder.

DROPS: To Tyler Hansen and his QB coaches the word "progressions" is from a 1960's social studies class. The Buff QB locked onto his first receiver all night, and it was mainly TE Ryan Deehan or freshman Tyler McCullough. Even Tim Tebow was scoffing.

DROPS: The defense had its moments with creative blitzes and a steady rush on Hawaii (LB Doug Rippy was all over the field.) But let's be real, that was a WAC team with a passing QB running up and down the field in the first half. Andrew Luck could set records against this defensive backfield. The Buff D Coaches disguised their lack of playmakers in the back with the LB and CB blitzes, but opponents will figure that out real quick.

RELATED: Boo Yaa Tribe - "Pysko Funk"

Nothing to do about #2

2011-09-02T06:19:00.002-06:00

In 18 months she came home and I let her back in
and now she's sniffing again...

Enough. Are you not entertained?

The Donk backup QB "controversy" began as borderline idiotic and now has strayed into goofyville (I had a few ex-girlfriends who were permanent residents of goofyville.)

Did everyone see last night's game/scrimmage/ticket grab? Tim Tebow is your number two QB. No need to stop the presses, no need to make a big fuss, because we're talking about the backup QB. But this damn distraction needs to stop goig into the real season and Tebow needs to be your #2.

Sorry, Quinn, other than sharing a name with Tom Brady, that's where your pairing with the former MVP ends. He looked like the old Cleveland Quinn in Arizona last night, and keep in mind it was versus backups, special teamers, and soon to be graduate assistants. While Tebow also went against guys lower on the depth chart than a scuba diver, he showed he can make plays.

After all, Tebow did start three games last year and was competitive, he can make plays when things break down, and he gives the team and the fan base some spark.

But, in the famous words of AI, what are we talking about here? Backups? Man, we talking about backups.

RELATED: Terminator X - "Buck Whlyin"

SG NFL Pick Em 2011

2011-08-30T06:51:00.005-06:00

It's a start, a work of art
To revolutionize make a change nuthins strange...

Once again it's on! The SG NFL Pick Em Challenge, that is. Think you got what it takes (besides the ability to read this crap a a few days a week)? Then you and your peoples sign up and pick 17 weeks of NFL action, then hang on for the playoffs and pick them too, son! The winner gets a huge pile of absolutely nothing. That's right: nuthin. Clever and witty nicknames are encouraged and football know-how is not. Good luck.

Group ID# = 33109

password = beer

CLICK HERE

(be sure to check the "terms" box or you get the wack ERROR message)

RELATED: "International Player's Anthem" - UGK F/Outkast - ("with precision I pick or make my selection")

Pusha T ft. Tyler, The Creator- "Trouble On My Mind"

2011-08-26T05:07:00.001-06:00

This track is just blowing up for me right now. Why? Ski masks, sfireworks in motel rooms, skanky chicks making out, throwback Kevin Garnett T-Wolves jersey, skateboards, scooter tricks, "pull strings like Gepetto", egging dudes, smashing bottles over your head, tackling fast food cows, and 50 year old bar flies. There's your answer.

No Apple For Tebow

2011-08-25T05:52:00.005-06:00

King of my castle, causin much pain
You dumb shrimp wimps, it's you I tame...

Seems like everyone and everyone's mother, brother, barber, and local meter maid is bashing Tim Tebow right now. Each day bring some expert bashing the Donk QB (Boomer Esiason...really?) Who will surface next to bash Tebow?

--The guy who played Tim Allen's oldest son on "Home Improvement"

--Wandy Rodriguez, ~~Astros~~ ~~Rockies~~ Astros' pitcher

--Lil Wayne, who calls out Tim on some far flung mix tape ("throw champagne in the crowd like Tebow throws footballs")

--Mother Nature, whop voiced her displeasure with small earthquakes in Southern Colorado. When asked why not in Denver she said, "I was a bit off like Tebow's passes."

--La La, who said Tebow should request a trade to New York, not the Jets, but some lame reality show called "Tebow Takes Times Square." Of course she would be the female lead.

--Nevin Shapiro, who commented from his jail cell that Florida boosters couldn't even buy him cookies and milk.

-The guy in your Fantasy Football league who for some inane reason drafts him, but adds "he sucks, but he might get a few goal line carries. Championship!"

--Little League coaches now in Williamsport, PA. "If Tebow was on this team, he'd probably be our long inning reliever, or the Gatorade mixer," one commented.

--Retired Apple CEO Steve Jobs, "Tebow tried to work an iPad and he somehow downloaded a virus."

RELATED: The Clipse - "Popular Demand" - ("Haters wish you...")

Orton or Bust

2011-08-23T05:51:00.002-06:00

Now when I'm on the microphone I roam through zones
But don't be tryin this shit at home...

In earth shattering news, Donk Head Coach John Fox named Kyle Orton the starter for the regular season opener yesterday.

In related news Carmelo Anthony has been traded, the Buffs have moved to the Pac 12, and Denver has been awarded a National League expansion franchise!

Wouldn't it have been great if the assembled media had gasped in mock suprprise when this "announcement" was made. If you heard wailing usually reserved for courtroom settings or one scribe had simply said "no shit John."

The QB drama that is not going away is finally starting to wear on the new Bronco head coach. He seemed bursting at the seams when "announcing" the starter and "not announcing" the backup to the ascension of Orton. Expect this type of "news" all year Denver fans; the rigor of the NFL season filled with injuries, egos, and fan pressure could make a Denver depth chart look almost mandatory each week.

RELATED: Fat Joe - "Watch The Sound"

Maffew Ragazino – "Motley Crue"

2011-08-18T05:15:00.002-06:00

Nearly 20 years back the "kid" rap group Da Youngstas dropped "Crews Pop" over a pretty tight beat with Treach on the hook. Maffew Ragazino and his crew recycle the seemingly forgotten beat better than the original. The Brownsville (which seems to generating it's fair share of real MCs) group gets it on this late Summer banger. Check it.

Invesco Funds Dry Up

2011-08-16T05:02:00.001-06:00

Too much of anything makes you an addict...

It looks like the Invesco Field Era is coming to a close today with the corporate mucky money grubber title being replaced by Sports Authority sporting goods name. Colorado now has Dick's Sporting Goods Park and Sports Authority Field. No word if Big 5 will be the title sponsor at the local skate park.

Does anyone really care what the Donkey stadium is called though? I give some dap to Sports Authority being a Colorado company and tracing their roots to old Colorado sporting good stalwarts Dave Cook and Gart Brothers.

The field was Invesco for nearly a decade and what is the enduring image or memory of it? Ed McCaffery's leg dangling from his hip? The lone playoff game it hosted as Champ Bailey picked Tom Brady? The following week's debacle against Pittsburgh? The horrrendous loss to the Raiders last year?

Unfortunately for Bronco glory, the name Invesco Field reminds us mainly of a Senator Barrack Obama accepting the nomination a few years back. (Shout to Slim Thug who actualy worked it into a song, Scarface's "Forgot About Me" where he spits I get crunk like Obama at Invesco.)Not exactly sporting glory there. But like Obama in 2008, maybe Sports Authority Field should invoke a similar catchphrase for the Bronco future: Hope.

RELATED: Slim Thug - "Like A Boss"

Depth Chart Douchebag

2011-08-12T06:13:00.003-06:00

Forgot where your from, but I'll tell ya where you at
Lip synchin', lyin' and about to get slapped...

How much analysis can really be thrown out there about last night's first preseason game between the Donks and the Cowboys? All the QBs looked average, the running game looked good, the defense looked OK, the penalties were wack, and the coaches didn't seem much different from the last regime. But again it was the first preseason game after a long lockout.

What I did notice is the annointed QB1, Kyle Orton being a stellar teammate. Notice Tim Tebow, Brady Quinn, and Adam Weber all moving in concert with eachother and the coaches? Did you see anyone with a neckbeard in that group? Way to work with the young QBs, Kyle.

Are we suggesting Orton don a headset and be an extra coach for the players behind him? Sure, why not? We've seen other top QBs do that. Think Peyton Manning will simply chill in a baseball cap this preseason while nursing hs neck injury? Are other teams who will need a QB when Orton's contract is up seeing this? Maybe. If so, that's money out of his pocket.

Orton shows no spark, no emotion, no energy on the field. We know he doesn't give a crap about the fans off the field, and he's still a pouting "veteran" on the sideline. First string QB? Yep. First string asshole? Definitely.

RELATED: Audio Two - "I Dont Care"

Bathroom Bar Art #6

2011-08-10T05:27:00.002-06:00

FOUND BY: Commish CH
WHERE: Guanella Pass Summit parking lot, Clear Creek County, CO

Add your captions and comments in the 'Comments' section.

Beats, Rhymes, and Life- The Movie

2011-08-06T06:30:00.008-06:00

Group dynamics are a funny thing. Musical group dynamics take it to a whole another level, and Hip Hop isn't immune. Michael Rapaport's Beats, Rhymes, and Life examines the often-tense interworkings of A Tribe Called Quest while still celebrating and looking back at one of Hip Hop's most influential and iconic groups.

Rapaport captures the beginnings of the group with some great interviews and rare footage from the early days. Scenes from Tip and Phife's Queen's neighborhood and Tip and Ali's trip back to their High School shaped the doc and gave us a glimpse of their growing process. Lest we forget too that before ATCQ was The Jungle Brothers, who it could be argued "paved" the way, a fact not glazed over. The entire Native Tongue vibe (a term we come to find out Q-Tip coined) is laid out and shown as it emerged in the late 80s.

The interviews really hit hard when the discussion veers from the Afrocentric, free-flowing, People's Instinctive Travels and the Paths of Rhythm (an album that a young Commish shunned for a bit, due to the band's non-hardcore look and jazzy, "hippie" loops. Until I really sat and listened, and in part due to my love for "Can I Kick It", this debut took a while for me to digest) to their second joint The Low End Theory. Pharrell Williams and Questlove of The Roots really shine when brought in to talk about the sophomore release.

It is also where Rapaport lays out the beginning of friction between Q-Tip and Phife Dawg, the latter starting to battle his diabetes during this time. It is a tension that lasts until the present day. Phife seems to resent the light Q-Tip receives and the perception that he is the frontman and talent of the group. Key word: perception. Tip doesn't and hadn't done a thing to attract that perception, and stresses that to Phife throughout the film.

The film isn't without some omissions though; for one the actual music is limited to 10-15 second concert clips or show appearances. The great posse cut "Scenario" isn't discussed, nor the group's work on their legendary videos.

The thrust of the group's popularity (89-94) happened to occur when a young Commish was on the come up and making my own transition from young knucklehead to, well, older knucklehead. As my man Fresh Marcus said, "it was like a soundtrack to my youth." Exactly. The flick was a retrospective journey for many of us older heads that brought many a chuckle, some head scratching, and even a tear. Can I kick it? Yes, you can.

Skillz - "Regular Guy"

2011-08-03T06:39:00.001-06:00

Skillz been around for more than a minute. Golden Era heads remember a little bit of a buzz he had in 9-5 when he was Mad Skillz. Throw in a ridiculous beef with Shaquille O'Neal and his yearly "Year End Wrap Up" tracks and he's been doing the thing for 15 plus years. Trying to get back out there with some real Hip Hop and "Regualr Guy" is a damn good start. Refreshing (as is what most SG selections reflect) visuals and lyrics to go with it. Check it.

Ubaldo A Go-Go

2011-07-31T06:45:00.005-06:00

You drew a picture of my morning but you couldn't make my day...

Rockies ace, opening day starter, All-Star starter, 19-game winner, only player to toss no-hitter, Ubaldo Jimenez is traded to the Cleveland Indians. SG is there with some thoughts:

-This might be a classic case of other teams upping the ante at every turn. For the Indians to give not one, but two of their top pitching prospects is a reach on their part. It would be interesting to see what the other teams involved were offering. No word if the Yankees offered a few pages from Derek Jeter's black book.

-Ubaldo will adjust to the American League, right? Look at Matt Holliday in Oakland, he was an average player. He comes back to the NL and is an All-Star. Roy Halliday in Toronto was a very good player, comes to the NL and seemingly is more dominant. Doc Holliday in the OK Corral was very good. Goes to Glenwood Springs and becomes a dentist. OK, I had to throw all the "Hollidays" in there I could.

-We'll have an early indicator of the success of this trade this year. Both Drew Pomeranz and Alex White might be starting for the Rox when the rosters expand. First thing I noticed about the third guy, Joe Gardner was "sinkerball," which goes with Coors Field like cold beer and Dippn Dots.

-Root Sports is quickly turning into Rockies' Pravda. "Hurry, hustle Tracy Ringolsby out there to tell everyone how great the guys we got in here are!" You could almost hear the torment in Drew Goodman's voice as he called the early part of the game. On the other hand, they did allow some scathing texts on the sixth inning to go on air. I liked the one that read, "O'Dowd: does Ubaldo have naked pictures of you and a billly goat?" I made that one up.

-Paging Jorge De La Rosa? How's that injury? Oh yeah, well you're our top guy now. Thanks.

-The secondary controversy seems to be the circus of allowing him to pitch for one inning. But the Rockies didn't want to scratch him due to scaring off other teams in case of injuries. Huh? Make something up: his brother is sick, he has diarrhea, the State Separtment is seeing him because his visa incorrectly read he's from Bonerland. Anything. Or maybe scratch him from his start due to "the fact we are in the process of trading him." Secondarily, Ubaldo said he couldn't focus in the first inning because of the drama. Huh? Is this the steely vet you want who can't block everything out and throw strikes?

-Picture Ubaldo wearing that ridiculous Chief Wahoo hat, wow, that will be weird. He was one of "our guys" and now he's about as far away as possible. That's why I think this trade stings so much for most of Rox Nation. Ubaldo seemed to perfectly fit in the sleeveless black unis the Rox wear. We saw him come up and turn into a dominant guy, and almost to a man, we all knew he'd be that dominant guy again. Regardless of the guys we get back and how they do, Ubaldo will always be that smiling guy that the fanbase had grown to love. I've seen some nice cheers for returning players with other teams, but whenever Ubaldo makes it back to Coors, you might see the biggest yet.

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This Is Weird

2011-07-28T18:45:00.005-06:00

For the sickness, that be spreadin with the quickness

Remedies, cause I be doin on my enemies...

You know how it is pretty weird when you run into someone that you have a checkered past with, or when you cross paths with someone you know a secret about? Like an old girlfriend, or the guy who you know is getting transferred, or the dude who got fired from your work for jerking off in the suplpy closet, or and old teacher who you knew was banging your friend's mom. Has to be that way at Dove Valley right now with Kyle Orton? What do you say to him when you cross paths with him? SG was there and caught some responses:

-"Hey Kyle, uhh, the neck beard was cool, but the clean look is way better. Good job!"

-"Dude, the last QB traded here got to hit it with one of those Laguna Beach chicks for awhile."

-"Yo Orton. (long pause) You think I can have all your Bronco gear for my cousin?"

-"Hey man, Reggie Bush is in Miami. Kardashian leftovers my man."

-"LeBron is in Miami and they love him dude. (under breath) And he can't do jack in the fourth quarter either."

-"Oh hey, Kyle. (long pause) John Fox spelled backwards is Xof N Hoj! Heh heh..."

-"Kyle. My man. Uhhh. Man, I just saw Tebow spill a little bit of his water. What a dork."

-"Don't worry about it man. Elway? I went to his steakhouse and it sucked."

RELATED: Organized Konfusion f/ OC- "Fudge Pudge" - ("Off, awkward, spaghetti I'll sauce it, lyrics flow like fluid out of a faucet")

Orton Over

2011-07-26T05:12:00.001-06:00

Hey the lockout it over! Football season is upon us in the Rocky Mountains and your Denver Broncos are the consensus pick to finish last in the AFC West!

First order of business? Trade your starting quarterback. Sounds like a good enough plan for a few reasons. One, Kyle Orton makes too much money on a team that woefully short on depth. For one Kyle Orton, you can get tree-four quality backups/special teamers. Or parlay that dough and drop beer prices by a few cents at Invesco? You decide fans!

Orton is also one of the few commodities the Donks have that other teams might want. He is a shade below a blue chip (purple chip?) in the NFL trading poker game. At this point the Donks will probably be happy to score a 3rd or even 4th round pick for him. But, by getting him on the proverbial block this early int he game, they could drive up the price for him ahead of the Eagles and Kevin Kolb.

Finally, and this could be the most underrated aspect of Orton's pending move, is that he wasn't that good of a teammate and/or leader last year. The lasting image could be of him sulking on the bench while Tim Tebow and the staff went over plays and personnel rubbed some in the organization wrong. His end of the year "reward" trip (hell, he took the offense on a trip for last year? If they would've won the Super Bowl would he have bought them each a small island) for the offense excluded one Tim Tebow. Basically, Mr Orton was a bitter dude. And how can anyone hate the Golden Boy, Tim Tebow.

A scant two years sandwhiched in between the Cutler Era and the Tebow(?) Era will be the Orton Era, remembered for ineffiecient 4th quarters, pouting, and incomplete beards. See ya, Kyle, the sun is Arizona is brutal.

RELATED: Ghostface Killah - "Apollo Kids" - ("We split a fair one, poker nose money")

Hip Hop Fact Checker: Funkdoobiest

2011-07-21T07:47:00.004-06:00

Artist: Funkdoobiest (Son Doobie)

Claim: "Cause I cause disasters like the Dukes of Hazard" from "Bow Wow Wow"

Breakdown: First, we have to question whether Bo and Luke Duke, residents of Hazzard County, did cause any actual disasters. As far as a true disaster (along the lines of flooding, an immense fire, a hurricane, a massive terrorist attack, or any other calamity that causes millions of dollars in damage) the backwoods means of the Dukes would be hard pressed to cause any such disaster. Hell, the two barely held a job, how could they fund a terror operation? That said, they did wreak havoc on the county's law enforcement structure. Massive damage to the police department's cruiser fleet was inflicted from 1979 to 1985 by the Dukes, as well as mental anguish to the leaders of the county and substantial damage to the seemingly endless amount of uncompleted bridge work in the county. Son Doobie was never known for any such mayhem, in fact, at the time he was too young to drive the General Lee which caused much of the said "disasters."

Conclusion: Son Doobie did not cause disasters like the Dukes of Hazard.

Don't Cry, Dry Your Eyes

2011-07-18T05:23:00.002-06:00

Melt MC's with mental telepathy...

While the nation wakes up in a collective gruff and grumbly mood today after the disappointing Women's World Cup loss, we can take solace in joy in that one of our national squads brought home a world title this weekend.

The US are World Champions of American Football! Clear the parade route down New York City for our conquering hereos! Abby Wam Who?

Better yet before you rush out and buy your commerative shirts and hats, was that our very own Cody Hawkins was behind center for the entire tournament. He performed quite well matching up against an array of Canadians, Austrians, and others from across the wide globe or American Football players. Who needs Big 12 competition when you are going against Austraila's finest?

Hope Solo? Who?

RELATED: Redman f/ K-Solo - "My Big Brother"

Monsoon Trade?

2011-07-13T05:36:00.005-06:00

You ain't got no wins en mi casa...

The big news on the year's slowest sports day here in the 303 (or is it the 720 now? Hell, I remember when the whole damn state was the 303 and you didn't have to dial an area code. Bahhh, get off my lawn!) is the Rox entertaining trading Ubaldo to the Reds.

Initial reaction is generally "how could they!?" But after the seemingly distant 15-1first half of last year, a few Purp Fans might actually think this could be a move the Rox should at least listen to Cincy.

While the Rox aren't exactly know for schrewd manuevering and covert operations, this could be a classic internal smokescreen. Float the trade to the public so that the happy-go-lucky Ubaldo gets the word that he has the 2nd half to get his ish together or he's moving on out to southern Ohio or points beyond. Of course, that could backfire by pissing off your happy-go-lucky former ace who gets no run support, who has pitched well the last month or so, and who signed a sweetheart hometown deal just last year, just so you can fill the system with position players at power spots where you have substandardly drafted over the last half-decade.

Sounds like a great plan. But hey, the last Denver star who moved on to Ohio worked out to be a good deal, right?

RELATED: Dr Dre - "Keep Their Heads Ringin" - ("Produce a smokescreen")

Reks- "Kill Em"

2011-07-12T06:09:00.002-06:00

From his latest joint REKS (Rhythmatic Eternal King Supreme) Reks bleeses the summer Hip Hop scene with "Kill Em." Laced by a hittin Statik Selecktah beat, Reks goes for his and shouts out most of the "real" MCs in the game today. A perfect ailment with easy to follow cartoons for the burnout crowd and precise lyrics and message for all others. One.

Atlanta Freaknik

2011-07-07T18:33:00.000-06:00

The Rockies completed an epic sweek in the ATL to plunge further down the NL pecking order. Of course, it has lead to the chorus of panic in the streets to fire the manager, trade away the team at the deadline, neuter Dinger, bench everyone from Aaron Cook to Marvin Freeman, and demolish Coors Field and replace it with another Ikea.

Is this season over? Sure feels like it. This team was vastly overrated and is basically half AAA right now with even some AA players creeping into the mix with injuries and ineffectiveness.

What to do what to do what to do? They've tried nearly everything, so perhaps it is time to wave the white flag. There will be great interest in Ty Wigginton, Jason Giambi, and Huston Street. Get some the proverbial prospect or perhaps a ready made player that can help immediately (ie a salary dump player.) There's no reason to think this team will go into Washington against a hot Nationals team and get any sort of momentum. (Optimism creeps in: seven straight games at home following the break. Oh yeah, see results of the last five games.)

Seems awfully damn close to the end of the year. More fine Swedish furniture may be coming to the Denver area.

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Buffs Awesome Baby!

2011-07-06T06:11:00.003-06:00

And use the mic as my accomplice...

Dick Vitale made the trek up to The Republic yesterday and had tremendous things to say about the beautiful campus, the new hoops facility, new football coach Jon Embree, and Boulder in general. Following Dickie V on Twitter is fun especially when you read the tweets in his own patented voice. But a few tweets from Dickie V's trip to Boulder didn't make it on the feed, and SG found those:

-Whoa, just saw the most talent in Boulder out here on the ultimate frisbee field. They're awesome baby!

-Scratch that, these hackey sack kids are PTP'ers! Dipsy doo, kick the sack a roo!

-Six footer! I'm not talking basketball size, but a six foot bong, baby!!!

-I just found last year's tourney invite, someone had stuffed it in the towel dispenser in the bathroom. Uh-oh baby!

-Dan Hawkins, MIA baby. No sign of him anywhere. It's awesome baby!

-A ton of couches on the porches here... I smell burning furniture. Dipsy doo!

-Pearl Street Mall ... I just got some PT in a drum circle!

RELATED: GZA/Genius - "Breaker, Breaker" - ("Glide like the frisbee...")

Big 12 Bye Bye

2011-06-30T18:29:00.001-06:00

Today the CU Buffs officially become a member of the newly christened Pac 12 Conference, leaving the Big 12 and memories and traditions of the Big 8 behind them…over 100 years worth.
The Pac 12 is an exciting new sports car for the athletic department and their fans to drive fast and whoop it up, while the Big 12 is an old pick up that just got you by.

I look forward to the shiny newness of the Pac 12, but the Big 12 days will burn in my memory each time the pigskins start flying in the fall.

The beautiful people of Southern California and their hustle and bustle about life a wait, but the “howdy, welcome to Texas” salutation from Aggie fans in College Station will be missed. The almost Footloose religious zealotry in Waco, the basketball-and-everything-else mindset in Lawrence, and even the football knowledge of those folks in Lincoln will be hard to find on the West Coast.

New cities will give us a chance to sample new beers in Oregon, fresh fish in Seattle, and exquisite Bay Area eateries. My mouth will still water however for the BBQ of the Salt Lick outside Austin. Every trip to Kansas required cold Boulevard Wheat, as every trip to Texas saw scores of Lone Star and Shiner Bock. The new grub may be prepared with care and healthy standards, but who can really front on some simple Midwest deep frying?

We’ll see the ocean a plenty in our new haunts, along with the green of the Pacific Northwest, the sites of San Francisco, and the desert of Arizona. But there is still something so tranquil seeing the sunrise over the flatlands of Kansas and Oklahoma.

Stadium wise we’ll be greeted with a more laid back attitude and smaller venues than what we were used to in the Big 12. The massive concrete structures of Texas, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and A&M seemed to extend so tall into the air they seemed unsafe. The crowds could get to a roar that would shake you down to your spine.

I’ll get to know the airports of the Western US, and along with that a quick jaunt to games from DIA to the site. That means the old school road trip will amp down. Eight plus hours in the ride past the Geona Tower, the outlets in Russell, and a drab West and East Texas landscape will be no more. We would listen to music, bag on each other, and watch countless TV shows and bad movies on stretches of the interstate system. Chappelle’s Show, Curb Your Enthusiasm, SNL Best Of, seemingly rolled the rig along with laughter.

Stops at rest stops with bathrooms straight from the 60s and stops at truck stops to but some of the most unfriendly food and drink were standard. Of course, popping those first cold beers when the destination was a few miles out was a must. One of those destinations wasn’t a college town but rather Hays, Kansas, which became our halfway weigh station between Denver and our end destination. A night in Hays was filled with good grub and hand crafted brew at Gellas, followed by the old school small town bars Sit N Spin and Golden Q, and a myriad of motels that would make many a seasoned traveler shudder. We would shake it off the next morning with butter pizza and a pitcher at Breadeux down the road in Abilene.

We’ll find new bars to throw some back, but I’ll reminisce about The Dixie Chicken, the Wheel House, Sixth Street , getting “stuck” in a bar in Manhattan because the Homecoming Parade blocked our rig in the parking spot. Massachusetts Street in Lawrence and Bottlecap Alley in College Station, and the sheer dominance of Eskimo Joe’s in Stillwater. Aggieville in Manhattan where denied entrance into an establishment for being a bit tipsy. While the saloons in parts west might be quirky, we were greeted outside a bar on a rainy morning in Norman with a rolled up piece of carpet that read “f*ck me hard” and Ames had us mingling with an older man who thought it was OK to bring his white poodle to the bar.

It seems ironic that the Buffs are jumping to the new go-fast, chic, trendy conference while my own life is rapidly approaching middle age seemingly better suited for the go-slow Big 12. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll sample all that the speedy Pac 12 has to offer over the next few. But that old pick up will still meander slowly across the flatlands in our memories.

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White House Red Card

2011-06-28T05:51:00.005-06:00

Things overheard when the Rapids visited the White House yesterday:

-If I was from Brazil would I go by just 'Obama' or 'De La Barrack'?
-Oh great, a freaking personalized jersey. I still can't rid of that Clinton #95 New Jersey Devils jersey.
-I was born here in the states dammit, so I really don't like soccer.
-Yeah, so what I wasn't invited to the royal wedding and Beckham was? We'll see how that pretty boy deals with being on the no-fly list.
-If anyone even thinks of blowing a vuvuzela in here there's a warm cell in Gitmo waiting for you.
-I'd probably put Oprah on my celebrity soccer team...at least the fat Oprah.
-Stan, I have a better chance of earning the Tea Party Man of the Year Award than you bringing your basketball team here.
-You guys lost your last game 4-1? Did you use a traffic cone in goal?
-Sure, take Biden with you, just watch out, he'll get the yellow cards non-stop.
-Wow, a soccer team. When I saw "visit from Rapids" on the schedule I thought it was a tap dancing group or something.

RELATED: KRS-One - "Ah Yeah" - ("So here I go kickin science...")

What's The Frequency Kenneth?

2011-06-24T06:10:00.004-06:00

What I say should be displayed at the Smithsonian
Your rhymes are phonier than cubic zirconias...

The NBA Draft went down last night and the Nugget and CU activity was heavy. A few thoughts from SG Land:

-As the teams in front of the Nuggets started making picks (Iman Shumpert to the Knicks?) it looked like the Nuggets would lock in on Kenneth Faried, and when Nolan Smith went to Portland, they quickly snatched him up. Last time we saw Faried in our fair city he was making Rick Pitino and Louisville look like timid wallflowers. He'll provide instant boards and instant energy. Pair him with Birdman, Ty Lawson, and Gallo and you have almost a hockey-like "energy/mucker" lineup. Faried will help with the likes of Serge Ibaka in the conference.

-Ah, the dreaded flip side that we always seem to piss on your campfire with. While Faried is a rebounding machine, he'll now be going from the Ohio Valley Conference playing Tennessee-Martin and Eastern Kentucky to playing 82 games versus the Spurs and the Lakers. Banging with some dude who's now a insurance rep to Blake Griffin is a big difference.

-Most shocking graphic of the night? This was the Nuggets first 1st round pick since 2005. Say what? Where did all those picks go? Are they with all those mismatched socks somewhere?

-First of all: good for Alec Burks going in the lottery. Second: he's going to Utah. A collective meh from the combo Buffs/Nuggets fans. He'll be going to an awful team, so he should have a chance to grow his game (developing an outside shot is top priority) and should get plenty of minutes.

-Please no mention of Faried and one Dennis Rodman in the same paragraph. Faried, by all accounts, isn't some freak who has more tats and piercings than some dude at Terrelle Pryor's ink shop. But more importantly, Rodman is an all-time great on the boards. Yes, both him and Faried hustle their way to rebounds, but Rodman was a true student of the boards. He studied not only his opponent's shots, but his own teammate's shots. He knew everything from teh spin of the ball to the velocity of their shots. Five Championship rings isn't bad either.

-Andre Miller coming back to Denver shows you George Karl's pull with his bosses. He was in their ear all day and night about getting Miller back. Try that with your boss sometime; just walk around all morning whispering "chalupa" and see if some magical Mexican Fast Food goodness apppears come lunchtime.

-I don't have a problem with the Felton for Miller trade, but I do have a problem with helping a Western Conference team get better. The Blazers did that with acquiring Felton while the Nuggets now have a 35 year old point guard who has appeared to gain a few lbs over the past couple years. Yes, he'll be great off the bench for 20-25 minutes, but he will not be able to keep up with the younger athletic PGs in the league. Karl will have to carefully manage his minutes depending on the matchup.

-They got a guy late in the draft nicknamed "Chu Chu". He's actually a basketball player and not your weird cubicle mate's spiritual guru.

RELATED: Redman - "I'll Bee Dat"

Weather Alert

2011-06-22T05:52:00.001-06:00

In front of Big Lou's, fighting in the street...

Was there anything more fitting then the end of last night's nailbiter Rox win over the Tribe? A storm moving in, rain coming down, lightning and thunder in the background (thanks to the new non-plural sports team names, we mean actual weather, not Kevin Durant and some hockey guys.)

Basically, it was weather chaos (the announcers were acting like it was some biblical type storm coming in; build an ark!) and who else was on the mound? Noah himself, Huston Street. Never to be one for a ho-hum 1-2-3 inning, Mr T-Storm eventually harnassed the storm adn got some chump on a half check swing. In the future, skip the weather crawl on the bottom of the screen adn replace it with a warning that Street is pitching.

RELATED: Ice Cube - "Pushin Weight" - ("...full of thunder...")

Hip Hop Fact Checker: Shock G

2011-06-16T05:22:00.008-06:00

Song: "I Get Around"

Artist: Shock G

Claim: "I’m Shock G, the one who put the satin on your panties"

Breakdown: The first part of the rhyme is correct, he is in fact Shock G. Although he is also Humpty Hump and also is known as Greg Jacobs in the eyes of the government. However, there is no evidence to suggest that Shock G is any sorts of tailor or seamstress capable of putting satin on women's undergarments. Given that most textile manufacturing is done in the Far East and done for for very menial wages, it is highly unlikely that Shock G would leave his lucrative enterprise of Hip Hop in the early 90s to toil in an overseas factory.

Conclusion: Shock G did not put the satin on anyone's panties.

Getting All Mavericky

2011-06-13T06:04:00.002-06:00

Shuttin down your slot, time for pumpin
Poisonous sting which thumps up and act chumps...

The Mavs made team basketball back en vougue last night capturing their first NBA title and keeping the O'Brien Trophy in the Western Confrence, where our Denver Nuggets also happen to reside.

Add another hill for the Nugs to climb. As if the up-and-coming Thunder, the steady improving Blazers, the Lakers with some guy named Kobe, the kids in Minny and the Clippers weren't enough for the Powder Blue Patrol. Now, the newly minted Champs and their flush with cash owner will matchup up three times a year with the Nugs.

When it became apparent the Mavs were going to win this thing, I kept thinking back just two years back. The Nugs and Mavs matched up in the Western Semis and the Nugs arguably manhandled the future champs. K-Mart was in Dirk's head from the get-go, taking a hard foul and almost rendering him worthless for the rest of the series. A spry Chauncey Billups matched up with Jason Kidd and made him look ancient, and George Karl seemed to scream checkmate over Rick Carlisle. Of course, the addition of Tyson Chandler was huge for Dallas, and some dude who's name rhymes with "Jello" decided he was too big for The Box State and the fate of the two teams went in complete different directions.

But a big "what if" has remain in us Nuggets' fans heads; that same Mavs' core just celebrated with an all night bender while that Nuggets team is completely fragmented across the globe and a seemingly distant memory.

RELATED: Lupe Fiasco- "Hip Hop Saved My Life" - ("Drive up to Dallas went to open up for amateurs")

Ticket Offense

2011-06-09T05:27:00.007-06:00

I breaks it down, I gets loud for my crowd
Filthy, dirty like a worm underground

Recently the Rockies ticket office was deemed the worst in MLB in terms of sales and customer service. The SG decided to test it out ourselves with a call into the Rockies ticket line:

CR: Yeah
SG: Is this the Rockies' ticket office?
CR: No dude, this is Brett. But most call me Socket Wrench.
SG: OK. I need some tickets to Sunday's game.
CR: I need some Advil. Went to the Paramount last night and downed too many Jack and Cokes.
SG: How about that game Brett?
CR: Socket Wrench.
SG: Yes, how about some tickets?
CR: For what?
SG: Sunday's game.
CR: Man, isn't there like a King Soopers around you or something? Maybe get on Craigs List or something? My fingers are kind of creaky and I really don't want to type.
SG: I was just hoping to do it through you and you could help me get some good seats.
CR: Dude, call back after the weekend. I'm trying to go on break and solve today's Wuzzle in the paper.
SG: The game is Sunday.
CR: Why are you being so lame dude? Damn. What the fuck? I'm trying to help you. Ohh, man the dude next to me just blew ass. That's freaking sick Stan!
SG: Uhhh...
CR: I think he ate some rancid fucking tacos! Oh says here Sunday's game is cancelled.
SG: What?
CR:Yeah, the Warriors team plane got hijacked.
SG:They're playing the Dodgers.
CR: Yeah, hijacked by the Dodgers. Tough luck bud. Maybe go play some golf instead you fuck.
SG: Can I speak to the supervisor?
CR: No, she's scoring us some acid for lunch break. Later dude.

RELATED: Cypress Hill - "Hand On The Pump" - ("Rude and crude like a pitbull")

Rapidly Tie-ing

2011-06-06T19:57:00.000-06:00

For the slick headed wonder, wearer of saggy pants
Old school kicker, reviver of the circumstance...

Overlooked this weekend in the murky waters that are tainted by the Purple cess that is the Rockies' offense is on e Colorado Rapids professional soccer club. (Add me to the list of people who think it is super wack that may MLS teams use Euro-centric names like "FC" as in "football club." This is North America, we call it soccer, not football. I'd like one MLS club to have the gonads to call themselves an "SC".)

Yes, the Colorado Rapids. The state's only champion as we speak in June 2011.

However, the Rapids aren't very championship like right now. Or are they? They haven't loss in six straight games...hooray! But, they haven't won in six straight games...dagnamut! Six straight ties. More ties than a)Father's day at Travis Henry's house b)a railroad track or c)boy scout convention.

So, soccer fans, is this good or bad? Technically they are gaining points, so it is good. But they are leaving points on the table too? The rest of us mainstream fans are confused, sort of like the old school "kissing your sister" cliche when describing ties. I get what it is supposed to mean: that your kissing, but your kissing your sister. Either way it is still one thing: incest you sick fuck.

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Monthly Fix

2011-06-01T06:41:00.001-06:00

So all you path-steppers, you better stop steppin
Cause I release lyrics as if they were weapons...

Apparently the Rockies believe in some cosmic karma type bullshit, because they believe the simple changin of a month will remedy their crap-tacular play.

Flip the calendar from May to June and all your ails will be cured. May 31st to June 1 and the team will magically start to hit with runners in scoring position. Tuesday, but now it is Wedsneday and our bullpen will morph in the formidable unit it was pegged to be a t season's start. A new month and the home runs will start flying, Tulo's mullet will stage a comeback, Ubaldo will toss no hitters again, Dexter Fowler will turn to Vince Coleman 2.0, and Alanna Rizzo and the Cargo Taco Bell girl will show up at my door in a driving rainstorm and white t-shirts.

Reality check. Months are merely numbers on a wall. If months changed the fortunes of baseball teams they'd have to split the World Series 30 ways. The Rockies need more than June to get out of fourth (yes fourth) place and somehow compete again. But they can keep hoping that a new month is the easy way out. Send your page-a-day calendars to 20th and Blake.

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Hip Hop Fact Checker: Phife

2011-05-29T13:49:00.004-06:00

Song: "Award Tour"

Artist: A Tribe Called Quest (Phife Dawg)

The Claim: "Comin with more hits than the Braves and the Yankees"

Breakdown: By our count A Tribe Called Quest had eight tracks that could be considered a "hit" (each of the first three albums singles.) Another six-seven album tracks ("Butter", "Suck N*gga", et al) could be considered a "hit" and a few remixes ("Scenario Remix".) Phife himself had one single off his solo debut that generated a little buzz, 2000's "Flawless." In addition, Phife also had a cameo on the Fu-Schnickens' bangin 1992 hit "La Shmoove" as well as the classic "Buddy Remix" from De La Soul. All in all, we'll give Phife a total of 19 hits.

The Braves (14) and Yankees (9) hit total from last night easily exceed Phife's total number of hits. However, if we take the Braves and Yankees hit total from their last regular season game of 1993 (Midnight Marauders wasn't released until November of that year) one would see the Yankees had four hits; two coming from 2B Pat Kelly) and the Braves belted out 12 hits versus the year one version of your Colorado Rockies (including one by Mr. Halle Barry himself, David Justice, his 40th.) The Yankees and Braves hit total on that day was a combined 16.

Conclusion: Phife did, in fact, come with more hits than the Braves and the Yankees.

Bathroom Bar Art #5

2011-05-26T05:31:00.001-06:00

FOUND BY: Commish CH
WHERE: Boulder, CO at Rio Grande Restaurant & Bar

Add your captions and comments in the 'Comments' section.

Lost in Wisconsin

2011-05-23T05:52:00.001-06:00

All the momentum the Rox had from Giambi's big night in Philly went kaput this weekend in Milwaukee. Brooms were in order as the Cheeseheads made quick work of the Purp and sent them back to Denver just barely above 500, falling further behind the Giants and just a half game ahead of the D-Backs.

Outside of starting pitching, the Rockies' woes are basically anything that comes into play in the game of baseball. Hitting, both a lack of timely hits and any hits, continues to be troublesome. Defense is suspect at best (why Dexter Fowler is diving for Ryan Braun's ball yesterday is beyond anyone. We know Dex is a bit tall, but Mark Eaton could've dove for that ball and missed it. Yep, I worked Mark Eaton into a baseball post.) And of course, there's the bullpen, which completely gagged on Friday night and is beginning to see somewhat of a makeover. Finally, you have idiots from this blog trying to get some shine with lame texts on the broadcast.

RELATED: Lord Finesse f/Sadat X - "Actual Facts" - ("It goes dip dip diving...")

Giambi Giant

2011-05-20T05:32:00.002-06:00

Little Leaguer, my phonics is on some clearly ironic shit
like hittin pick six on the day of the apocalypse...

Yesterday's chatter about the Rox involved Jason Gimabi, and how he was slowing down and perhaps was a liability to the team off the bench in pinch hit situations. His whiff at the end of the end of Wednesday's game on a 93 MPH fastball didn't endear him to the Purp Masses. (In fariness, I thought the preceding pitch- a called second strike six inches off the plate- messed with his head and caused him to overswing at the very next offering, which teh pitcher knew would happen. A decided advantage.)

Almost on cue, Giambi took over last night's game and seeded the eastern Pennsylvania clouds with three dingers. Most impressive are the names of the players he joins: Musial, Reggie Jackson, Ruth, all playuers with three homers in one game over 40. Equally impressive were his chances to join the elite four homer club, which includes one Bob Horner, who rocked the coolest white man gheri curl/mullet/bleach blond haircut ever.

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Random Axe - "The Hex"

2011-05-19T06:35:00.004-06:00

Hip Hop supergroups produce varying results, from the good (Westside Connection, Slaughterhouse) to the blah (The Firm) to the rumored (The Commission, Nasal Tounges) to the icons (NWA, Wu-Tang.) After hearing Random Axe's first few joint, they could be poised to join the high echelons. Consisting of Guilty Simpson, Sean Price, and Black Milk, the trio will be hitting your summer smack dab in the face. Sean P further cements his status as one of the greatest in the current game and Black Milk not only provides some bangin production but a viable third MC voice. Cop it June 14 on Duck Down.

Coors Complainer

2011-05-17T06:23:00.005-06:00

I told ya before we come back wit more hits

The Rockies finally got over on their Bay Area tormentors (no, not Oaktown's 357) last night with a 7-4 come-from-behind win at Coors. Tulo was clutch, Cargo hit a bomb, and Hustin Street was nails in the ninth. Like it was 2009 all over again! One thing that wasn't any different was the little dude on the hill for the Giants, arguing pitches. Who was that guy anyway?

-The actor from the UPS Whiteboard commercials? (previously brought up)
-The dude you saw at Araphoe Basin's beach in a Subaru hatchback listening to Phish and smoking a roach.
-Opera Man
-Julie Foudy and Gheorge Muresan's love child.
-A character from Mark Harmon and Kirstie Allie's 1987 classic "Summer School"
-Some dude in the park with bright strings bracelets, sporting Simple sneakers, Umbro shorts, and a hemp necklace playing soccer with Steve Nash.
-I don't know but he never wore a backpack but instead used one of those over the shoulder briefaces.
-One of the guys from "Good Will Hunting" who hung out with the "how you like them apples" dounchebag.
-Cy Young Winner. Nah, can't be that guy.

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Donks: Talking About Practice?

2011-05-11T05:46:00.001-06:00

Stopped at the store to buy me a Cisco
A 40 ounce and some crackers by Nabisco...

A few years back myself and some members of the Slushy Gutter Consortium played on a company sponsored softball team. I'm sure most of the readers (the handful of you) have at one point done the same, as it is a suburban tradition that rivals that of giant eagles painted on truck back windows.

Every late April or early May, the "coach" of said team would try to organize a preseason "practice," so you know, we could get a jump on the other seven teams in the glorious quest to win a t-shirt.

This practice would finally be settled on some random Saturday morning, about eight of the 14 players who signed up would show. One dude would bring his bratty kid, a couple younger guys would roll up 45 minutes late looking like it was a long night. Inevitably, one guy would show up sporting jeans and a collared shirt. And the always present "softball guy" would be there with his fancy bat and full uni.

The "practice" would consist of everyone present taking a dozen or so cuts at the "plate" (which was usually someone's sweatshirt or a Wendy's drink tray. No one would play any position, but rather congregate in small groups around the field and try to catch the balls. Since there would only be two or three balls (one of which was found at the bottom of a ball bag that was previously used as a dog toy) there was more time chasing wayward hits than any actual practice.

One guy would have to leave early to pick up his daughter from dance class, and one guy would be on his celly talking to his wife about tile selections for the bathroom. Most guys were wondering if it was too early to hit the bar afterwards ("hey man, they open at 10:30, we can go by for a quick one!")

The "coach" would try to talk to the players ("Our first game is versus Martin Engineering. Remember they have those two lefties that killed us last year?" Actually, I do not remember that, coach. I do remember Gonzalez from accounting getting ejected for having a beer in the dugout though. And I remember Terry in logistics passing out in the parking lot at 11pm that one game, but I don't actually recall any game action coach.)

I'm rehashing all this because the local National Football League team, the Denver Broncos are holding similar practices right now at South Suburban Rec Center. An NFL team, where billions of dollars flows, "practicing" at the same place where there are Mommy and Me Little Swimmer classes.

Enough of this lock out. We all know it is tired and we are all going to get pissed off if it keeps going. That goes for owners, players, and Gonzalez from accounting.

RELATED: Lauryn Hill - "Everthing Is Everything" - ("from the beginning my practice extending across the atlas")

Hella Swept

2011-05-09T06:19:00.002-06:00

The Rockies' 0-fer in the Bay over the weekend prompted this text exchange between myself and Slushy Gutter Alum Broz:

CH: I will fight the whole Rockies bullpen. Not just one dude but every one of those guys. At once. Like some Enter The Dragon type ish.

MB: I would love to help. Seriously.

CH: Numchucks and aluminum bats. Maybe some brass knuckles.

MB: Bike chains. Sock full of quarters.

CH: Make a reservation for them at a nice restaurant and when they show up just start going nutso with an ice pick.

MB: (after Saturday loss) Christ. Really?

CH: Paulino. Maybe duct tape him to a street post, cover him with steak sauce and call in the stray dogs?

MB: Fire ants. Eaten alive by fire ants.

RELATED: Puff Daddy f/ Notorious BIG - "Victory" - ("Brass knuckles and flashlights")

Buffs Stack Cheddar

2011-05-05T05:20:00.004-06:00

You can't stop my riches, even if you got MC Hammer and those 357 bitches...

The Pac 12 and CU inked a major TV deal that banked some major coin for the member institutions:

-Larry Scott. Straight up gangsta. Brass. Pimp. Call him what you want but dude went in guns blazing and wrecked shop on the networks. It's hard to believe this cat used to be the head honcho at tennis. I'm not sure what tennis (Andre Agaassi's denim shorts organization) but he's carved out himself as David Stern-like muthafucka.

-One minus, although really minor, is that the games will be spread out over ESPN, Fox, FX, FSN, and Home Shopping Network. OK, I made the last one up, but the casual football fan might actually have to work to find out where the game is on.

-Everytime I see a story about CU and the Pac-12 I read/hear they "fit culturally." Keep it real, folks, that loosely translates to "they all smoke a lot of ganja."

-CU cannot get all crazy with this money and start building crazy additions, adding new sports, and buying gold plated waterbeds. Bank this cash through the honeymoon period with Jon Embree and Tad Boyle. Get a base of season tickets and donors. Supplement the existing sports (the ski and cross country teams are national caliber yet are housed in high school like settings) and give raises to worthy assistants. When that has settled, go ahead and install the massaging fingers in Folsom Field seats and buy Harleys driven by bikini models to shuttle the players up the practice fields.

-The SG's main concern looks to be satisfied: that every football game is televised. In a day and age of thousands of outlets, it was mind boggling that we had to sit around a radio and listen to a broadcast. The after-game fire side chats with FDR were cool, but I won't mind seeing those go by the wayside.

-IF (a big IF- is a "big if" called a "bif"?) they do go down the path of perhaps adding a new sport, baseball cannot be considered (the weather in the region makes it just too hard to get any sort of season that is consistent) and neither can hockey (Colorado had three NCAA tourney teams in the sport and the costs are through the roof. Plus there isn't any viable ice on the entire campus other than frosty beer mugs.) The one sport would have to be lacrosse, as Colorado is a huge youth lax market. Back when I was in high school (when lax sticks were made of T-rex bones) there was maybe five to seven high school lax teams. Now, I see the state tourney has 24 teams. There is tremendous boy and girl talent in state and a natural rival in emerging power DU just up the road.

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Miller Time

2011-05-02T05:51:00.003-06:00

Drop albums non-stop once a year for my fans sake
I crush mics until my hand breaks

ESPN wouldn't let Slushy Gutter into the NFL draft this year, so we had to watch from the comfort of our own war room. How it went down:

-Von Miller at #2 for your Donks was the safe pick, but is it a pick that can generate five to ten All-Pro years at the position? Is Miller the next Al Wilson (a steady player, but certainly not dominant) or the next Ray Lewis? With the #2 pick, one would hope that Miller is the latter without the ATL stabbing. Miller has the fresh glasses and nice guy outlook, but can he be the rock in the middle for the next decade?

-You hear of building from the "inside out" when talk of growing a defense and the Donks neglected the first part of the "inside": any defensive tackle. They were poised in the beginning of Day Two to take some beef for the middle (Oregon State's Stephen Paea would've been a nice addition) but went in a complete different direction stocking up on two safeties and two tight ends. Rumors have the team stocking the interior middle via the free agency route. Stop us if you've seen this before but there's not enough megabytes to list the Bronco busts at D Line that came in through free agency. And there's that little matter of the lockout, which prevents that route too.

-Colorado's Jimmy Smith was dogged by his off-the-field issues all month, and how does he show up on your TV for the draft? In a short sleeved scarface t-shirt, his tats blazing, with a deep scowl, hanging next to notorious d-bag Drew Rosenhaus. Image is everything Jimmy.

-Man, who would've ever ever ever thought that the New York Jets would take Buff WR Scotty McKnight? Good for him, but there could be some tension in the Jets locker room with Sanchez's best friend trying to make the squad.

-Rumors have DeAngelo Williams being pursued by the Donks when the lockout ever ends. A RB from the coach's former team coming with him to the new team? Stop us if you've seen that before.

-I like the additional LB selections of Mike Mohammed and Nate Irving. The corps should be stacked for a few years to come and special teams get a major youth and speed upgrade.

-My initial feeling was that this draft was a complete bust outside of Miller, however after a day of settling in, Donk fans have to eralize that this team isn't going to fixed via one draft. This will be a multi-draft and key free agent process. Ticket printers of metro Denver be aware: the Broncos will not be needing your services for playoff ducats until mid-decade.

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Nuggets Not OK

2011-04-28T05:41:00.002-06:00

I'm the calm one, but my crew is sort of sick...

The Nuggets and their fans looked at the scoreboard and saw a nine point lead with just over four minutes to play in Game Five. Just four minutes from returning to The Can for a Game Six and perhaps the most rabid crowd since Dikembe and crew hosted the Jazz in the same Game Six 17 years back. Another chance to go into the history books as the first team to erase a 3-0 deficit.

Quicker than a Icee poured at an OKC strip mall, the Nuggets saw the lead, the series, and the air come out of their fans. Truthfully, many Nugs fans knew that even with the nine point edge, that the team was dangerously close to losing. The trifecta of bad refs, bad offense, and one Kevin Durant made sure of that. And when you mix the three, it was all but guaranteed the Powder Blue would be seen with the Hefty bags cleaning out their lockers (it is always amusing that these millionaires with lucrative contracts with companies that make duffel bags resort to cleaning their lockers with trash bags.)

Nene and K-Mart refused to go to the basket hard and Serge Ibaka made sure their weak attempts weren't going to spoil the OKC party. Raymond Felton had critical TOs late, and Ty Lawson missed two crucial FTs that would've put the team up five with just over two to play.

It wouldn't be the NBA without the bad reffing and the worst of the lot was K-Mart's "foul" on Durant as he drove along the left wing with under a minute left. Calling a foul like that in an elimination game with that little time left? Laughable. Nearly as comical was Durant's "and one" foul called on Wilson Chandler. Unless the foul was for breathing, that call was rubbish.

Finally, the "star" sysytem was in full effect with Durant. A marvelous player, perhaps the Western Conference's best, the conspiracy troop (NBA birthers?) will say David Stern needs Durant in a possible second round Oklahoma City-Memphis (TV execs drooling over that one) matchup. Durant, unlike Denver's last superstar gets the calls. He also plays damn good basketball, and the Nuggets had no answer for him in the fourth quarter...

...Forgetting about the impending NBA labor strife, the Nuggets look to be questionable going forward. K-Mart and JR Smith will be elsewhere. Raymond Felton looks to be a commodity to trade. Wilson Chandler is a question mark. That leaves a "core" of Gallo, Ty Lawson, and Nene, with Aron Affalo on the periphery of the "core." Does that group get the team into the upper reaches of the Western Conference? The Lakers, Mavericks, and Spurs may be trending down, but the Nuggets still can't beat any of them on paper. The Thunder look to have a stranglehold on the division for the forseeable future, the Griz are moving up, and te Blazers are deep. Young stars with the Clippers and Wolves have those teams on the cusp.

Just as we were saying a year ago (after another first round exit) the Nuggets have their off-season work cut out for them. Overall, 2010-11 was a interesting season to say the least, perhaps one of the most interesting in modern Nuggets history. The optimism that flowed throughout the team just two yers ago has been supplanted with a sudden hesitation. Good news? One game better than that d-bag in NYC. Suck on that Melo.

RELATED: Onyx f/ DMX - "Shut Em Down" - ("...down with a thunder pound")

Sliced and Diced

2011-04-25T06:26:00.011-06:00

Raise up, cause you cant' have it back
You say "I ain't never got gaffled like that"

Brandon Marshall, an argument, a wife with a kitchen knife, a trip to the hospital:

-If it comes out that B-Marsh was lying to the po-po in the incident's aftermath, can the Dolphins use that info to void his contract? In effect to "cut" him? "Cut" him? Get it?

-What is the most effective kitchen cutlerly to slash someone's stomach? Is it some high dollar Ginzu type ish? Some of those real knives you can cop at the dollar store? If Brandon was wearing an aluminum shirt would the knife cut right through it?

-Brandon's little brother was Colorado's top high school recruit this past year and he spurned CU and other top programs to go to UCF and be closer to Brandon's eye. Ah yes, Brandon is role model of the year.

-Where does Marshall meet these chicks? Does match.com have a box you check if you are prone to attacking boyfriends with sharp objects?

-Over the weekend I'm sure almost everyone got in some sort of tiff with your wife. My wife asked me at one point go downstairs and put the clothes in the dryer. Not for one second, one half second, one millisecond, one iota of any measure of time did I think I might get stabbed in the stomach if I didn't. Just saying.

-He refused a trip in the ambulance in favor of taking a "private car" to the hospital. Rather than relying on all those trained medical personnel in the specially outfitted transport device, you might as well take your man's and dem's Range Rover and hope there's a Rambo knife with the fishing line in the back.

RELATED: Wu-Tang Clan - "Careful (Click, Click)" - ("Stab you with the vocab")

Stoner Christmas

2011-04-20T06:54:00.001-06:00

Since today is a High Holiday in the realm of weed smokin tokers, why not just a quick one-hitter. Outside of girls, has there been any subject spoke more of in Hip Hop? Guns, cars, alcohol, perhaps. Money may have its green counterpart edged too. Since the explosion of Cypress Hill in the early 90s, the izm has been a staple in the genre. The two go together like blunts and nachos.

Net Difference

2011-04-18T08:38:00.005-06:00

Hit like Foreman when I'm brawlin
Those who think I'm fallin, I'll play your monkey-ass like a organ

The Nuggets can blame the officials all they want for butchering last night's loss to the Thunder, but they were probably expecting OKC to get the calls. After all, Kevin Durant is the brightest young star in the Western Conference and David Stern's TV buddies love those stars. Russell Westbrook has seemingly come out of nowhere to become a Robin to Durant's Batman, so he'll get the coddled calls too.

That said, the Nugs played well and with enough attitude to win until the refs blew a goaltending call that would make a Gus Macker ref blush. Kendrick Perkins had more net in his hand than Peter Parker. One ref was about four feet from the play, the others had prime views from the three point line. Rather than a slow it down play to Nene with a one point lead, the Nuggets festered and never regained their swagger.

The Nuggets have good players but no marquee names, something that has been brought up constantly by the experts, talking heads, and pundits. Last night we saw that manifest itself as the Nugs looked ruddlerless late in the game, Nene found himself wide open not wanting to take a shot, Raymond Felton chucked up a shot that landed in Tulsa, Gallo couldn't get an separation. The stars in Denver or the refs weren't burning bright.

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Boulder Playboy Party

2011-04-14T06:08:00.008-06:00

Things are looking up at Dear Ol' CU; a new football coach, a hoops run into the NIT final four in New York, a national championship in skiing, and now a new #1 ranking.

Looks like us tree-hugging, granola grubbing, non-washing, snowboarding, blunt burning, hackey sack playing, Grateful Dead jamming trust funders free spirits have reclaimed the coveted top spot in the almighty Playboy Party School rankings! (50 medical mj dispensaries in the city limits? That'd make Cheech, Chong, Red, Meth, and Willie Nelson blush.)

So suck it Texas. You and your weak Big 12 little sisters have fun at your get togethers drinking fruit punch and playing Twister. We've got couches to burn and kegs after kegs to drink.

RELATED: Tha Alkaholiks - "Only When I'm Drunk"

Rockies Shock The Pirates

2011-04-12T06:33:00.002-06:00

This is just so classic on so many levels. The jean shorts, the USA Starter jacket pullover. The uncanny resemblance to Stone Cold Steve Austin (and the fact "that guy" also populates Western PA, when all these years I thought he only resided in the North Denver Metro Area.) The soft sided cooler he brought into the game. The lady screaming hysterically like this dude was a modern day Rodney King. The overwhelemed security guard. The Rockies bullpen battling in the background. The quick thinking wit of the crowd and the "U-S-A" chant. The nearly Keystone antics of the officers and their fancy tasers. It all adds up to comic gold and a rough hangover for this dude.

Foote Out The Door

2011-04-08T06:02:00.002-06:00

Look at mama baby boy actin like he grown No time for sleep, I gets deep as a baritone

Avs defenseman Adam Foote will announce his retirement today. The majority of Denver sports fans didn't even know that he still plays for the Avs.

We all know the Avs glory days, sellout streak, and high TV ratings are a thing of the past, but we've gone a step beyond where the team is a strong #4 in the market and dangerously close to being #5 with the Rapids moving on up.

We salute Foote and his 30 years in the NHL; he goes back to the Quebec days when most of Colorado thought a Nordique was a ski run at Vail. Two Stanley Cups and gold medal should cement him in the rafters, and the fact he is staying in the community unlike the two other rafter dwellers might bring him more shine. (Or that he played 17 years, not 1 1/4 like Ray Borque, who's jersey...err...sweater is retired. One of the first of the cheesy Av moves.)

Here is the best defensive backstop in recent NHL history, plying his game with the NHL's worst team. Rather than gearing up for a playoff run before retirement, he'll skate away in front of 11,000 diehards and a TV audience tuned into the NBA. Thanks to bad trades, lame gimmicks, a complete inability to find a goalie the last decade, and lackluster marketing, Foote will walk away without barely a poke check.

RELATED: Fu Schnickens - "La Schmoove" - ("No expiration date, so you know I won't expire, No skippin a weekly check, so I don't have to retire.)

Psycho Nuggetamatical

2011-04-06T06:18:00.002-06:00

Good riddance, I flip flows you can't imagine I break down your Flintstone style, into fragments

Save all the pyscho analysis and mentality check of the Nuggets v Thunder game, the better team won last night.

Delving into the pyche of the Powder Blue Patrol won't give the answer to the slew of missed free throws (many occuring at key juntures that would've increased or cut into leads), a suddenly Butleresque shooting percentage in the thrid quarter, or the lack of answers for a OKC front line that looks even more daunting as the playoffs approach.

The Nene v Kendrick Perkins "faceoff" (how seriously can you take a tiff involving a player in Nene whose hair looks like a '227' character?) was nothing like Claude Lemiuex's seminal turtle years back. It won't win any games or lose any. What will lose them is Nene's complete lack of space in the paint to manuever. File Kevin Durant and Gallo's technicals late in the game (nice to see Durant go all Kevin Durant and bully the Euro players) under the same outcome. No one came close to anything resembling defense versus Durant all game.

The Nugs had no back court shrink to advise how James Harden and his beard could have a solid night while Russell "Don't Call Me Michael or Bryant" Westbrook didn't do crap until the fourth quarter. It doesn't take a PhD to see that Ty Lawson was really the only guy back there who brought any game, especially JR Smith, who had one of those "oh, that's JR" nights.

As we sit on the playoff eve, the Nuggets fell off their post-LA run into questionville quicker than the 16-0 OKC run. No need for Dr Melphi, Dr Freud, or Dr Suess at the Pepsi Center, just a quick refresher on Dr Naismith's game.

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Nuggets: Furious Styles

2011-04-04T05:42:00.002-06:00

So bring submission to the rap recognition My right hand is itchin from the shit that I'm scripting...

The Nuggets beat the Lakers in LA yesterday afternoon on national TV, clinching their eighth straight playoff berth. Some thoughts:

-Yes, K-Mart iced the game (speaking of ice, Martin has to have the scowliest ice grill after a hoop in the NBA. Yep, "scowliest") with his tip-in, but his complete manhandling of Lamar Odom to get the ball was most impressive. Mr. Kardashian couldn't hold an inch against K-Mart, and Ron Artest, lined up to K-Mart's left, offered little help. (How's that threesome in the realm of NBA's craziest?) Credit the refs for actually getting part of the game right and letting the play develop on the free throw.

-Speaking of refs...how many hoops do the Lakers give up every season because Kobe is behind the play complaining to the refs. It seems like Kobe has taken the complaining title from Tim Dincan at some point over the last three years. Wilson Chandler played Kobe well, but in Kobe's mind no one outside of the Monstars can guard him, so there must be a foul.

-Lawrence Fishburne's three movie cahracter run of King Of New York, Boyz N The Hood, and Deep Cover were some of the coolest cats in early 90s cinema. That's why it was kind of a buzz kill to see him sitting in the front row in what looked like pajamas.

-Gallo can provide matchup problems on the offensive end for any team, as the Lakers had no real answer for him. If the playoff matchups hold true, you may see Kevin Durant on him.

-Those 'NBA Green' t-shirts look like some hemp pullover. This is the NBA though, can they be smoked?

-Speaking of early 90s, Wilson Chandler has the coolest haircut in the NBA right now until someone brings back the Patrick Ewing type fade.

-Jeff Van Gundy: please shut up.

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Get With The NIT Wit

2011-03-30T06:20:00.006-06:00

I format the rhymes, step by step
Make em sound def to maintain my rep

The Buffs had a trip to the NIT Finals and a date with the Shockers (would most people want a date where a shocker is involved?) a mere 15 seconds from happenning. But alas, a defensive lapse allowed Bama to take the lead and the Buffs' Alec Burks jumper at the horn was long.

Was the Buffs' trip to the NIT semifinals more or less valubale than the NCAA bid that was criminally stolen from them?

The NIT provided the Buffs with three sellouts at the Foam Doam, three games on national TV, and invaluable playing time for the younger players on the team (although Burks and the three seniors got most of the playing time, with the four of them and 95% of the scoring gone in 11-12. Good luck with that Tad.) It got alums and fans excited about the future of the program, it got Chauncey Billups face time on TV (nice red shirt Chauncey. Can someone get this guy any type of CU merch? And if Melo would've shown up to watch the game last night there's a good chance someone would've leased a Concord jet, flown to NYC and kicked him in the package), and will most likely sell some tickets for the inaugural Pac 12 hoops season.

(On a positive note, Buffs fans repped hard at MSG last night with a decided advantage in the crowd. The flip side is the team lost in front of their NYC base, but not as hard of a flop as the football team did in the Bay Area versus Cal with over 10k Buff fans on hand. If this trend continues, I hope we play well in front of our huge southern hemisphere contingent in the World Cricket Finals.)

Who'd want a trip to the NCAA anyway? The Buffs would've got that #11 seed, had to play in a "play in" game and go from there. They'd be buried with the rest of the field. I mean, what chance does and undersized and outmanned #11 seed have anyway?

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Tyler, the Creator - "Yonkers"

2011-03-29T05:44:00.001-06:00

The SG is feeling the vibe and direction that Odd Future and Tyler, the Creator is bringing to the still blinging/money chasing Hip Hop realm in 2011. Listen for the BoB diss among other gems about dancing in pink panties and his therapist's phone number. Although we love the track and visual, it is still hard to fathom that 30 years back when Kool Herc was just strating this Hip Hop thing that he envisioned some dude eating a bug and yakking it up.

Boulder's Friendly Skies

2011-03-24T05:55:00.004-06:00

I find it fun to smash MCs into fine bits...

The CU Athletic Department is in talks with Frontier Airlines about the possible naming rights of Folsom Field. Some perks that may come along with the deal:

-Good news: Beer will be brought back to the stadium. Bad news: it will cost $5 per can and exact change is appreciated.

-The PA announcer will go from a clear, booming, voice over a state of the art system to a mumbled, mouth breather that sounds like a drive thru from a 1980s Dairy Queen. ("Cheerleaders please buckle in some turbulence is ahead" (?)")

-The size of the bags of peanuts will be shrinking. A lot.

-Barf bags will be available throughout the stadium. While this is a nice gesture, they would've been a lot more handy during the Dan Hawkins' era.

-Metal detectors used at the entrances will not yield any weapons, but will turn up enough booze to fuel Mardi Gras for a week.

-Each seat will be equiped with a tray table. However, if you have the tray table down during the last two minutes of each half an attendant will smugly ask you to please fold it up. And don't even think about using your iPod during that time!

-BuffVision will be replaced by some Mathew McCounaghy romantic comedy.

-Mile High Club? In Boulder that takes a whole different meeting.

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Bloodied Up

2011-03-22T05:55:00.002-06:00

I got one in store for hardcore fanatics
Bangin from basement to attic put static if ya got dramatics...

The Nuggets took it to a team named after a 90s blockbuster movie from a foreign country last night, being up by nearly 30 points at halftime. A collective cheer masked by yawns grasped teh Rocky Mountains.

Meanwhile, half a continent away, our old buddy Camelo Anthony and the Knicks (sorry Chauncey) were frittering away a lead versus the veteran Celtics on the hallowed MSG (that's Madison Square Garden, they aren't playing on a court of Chinese food waste products) floor.

What was more exciting to Nuggets' fans? The anhilation of the Toronto Forest Gumps was fun to watch, even if most of the crowd was so disinterested by the 3rd quarter that they couldn't even bother to clap after a Nugs' basket.

But to see a bloodied Carmelo Anthony completely misfire in the 4th quarter and see that attention seeker crumble to another L on the world's biggest stage was pretty fun too. For those keeping score at home: 10-4 > 7-9.

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RIP Nate Dogg

2011-03-18T06:18:00.004-06:00

Hip Hop lost another great as Nate Dogg passed away this past week. It got me to thinking of the relationship between rappers and hooks throughout the genre's history. It isn't a newer trend that started with pop heavyweights like Rhianna or Justin Timberlake singing on hooks. Go back to the days of the Juice Crew and TJ Swan, or Rob Base using singers on his hits. Take the mid 90s with unknowns or up and comers like Brian McKnight or Mary J Blige signing on tracks. Even the East Coast scene had DV Alias Khrist, pretty much their Nate answer. Fast forward to today with Akon and the like. Yet none of them quite had the flair and lyrical presence that Nate Dogg had. You'd be hard pressed to find a singed in any arena with the clarity in their voice as Nate. I was never a huge G-funk fan, but Nate complemented Snoop Dogg unlike any partner/side kick in the game. RIP.

March Sadness

2011-03-15T05:58:00.002-06:00

It's been more than 36 hours since the raw dog f*cking of the CU Hoops team by the incompetents on the NCAA Selection Committee. Some of the thoughts that went through my head in that period:

-I want to puke.

-Maybe I should run a puke scam like that Lard Ass kid in Stand By Me, with the selection committee being right in the vomit path.

-Seriously, we didn't get a bid? (Then I started to look around my family room, like the bid was hiding in there somewhere. "Oh, look, no need to worry, the #11 seed was right over here behind the Elmo doll." This actually happenned.)

-Dude, this Gene Smith guy looks like a cross between Steve Harvey and the black dude from Barney Miller.

-Dude, this Gene Smith guy just talked about CU for a couple minutes and he might as well been reciting Spanish poetry. Do they make Cliff Notes for NCAA Jiberish Bullshit?

-Someone just punched me in gut.

-Oh wait, that was the neighbor's cat who lept onto my lap.

-Dammit, the cat just got a #15 seed.

-I hope Tad and Mrs Boyle saved some receipts, because there might be a lot of deli meat and potato salad that doesn't get ate.

-This is a grand conspiracy. Big 12 Commissioner is bitter, Wake Forest AD is bitter, Big Sky Commissioner is preoccupied. They all staged the moon landing.

-Man, Jay Bilas is pissed. If only their was a Super Robot Bilas we could unleash on the committee to take down their evilness.

-Man, Dick Vitale is worked up too. Wow, every damn analyst in the world is filled with angst. Someone must've promised them a case of Rocky Mountain Oysters or something.

-This is Dan Hawkins' fault.

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SG Brackets Caper '11

2011-03-13T15:30:00.006-06:00

I provide bright flava, so you could sketch me
Do me a favor, dont try and catch me...

If everything you look at from your breakfast danishes to the flow charts at the office suddenly look like a bracket, that must mean it is time for the 4th Annual Slushy Gutter Bracket Challenge.

The annual contest sees any SG reader, hanger on, or just random person, eligible to win the SG Challenge. And if you win it all? You get absolutely freaking nothing. A heaping portion of nada. What else!? Nothing!

To be fair, we will give the winner the title of Hoops Master for one year. Although that and $1 will get you a McValue Menu hamburger.

As per tradition, Commish CH and four time Slushy Gutter Winner T-Dub will renew their yearly wager. In 08, we saw TW rock the Mummy look; 09 saw CH lose the bet and had to go Count Chocula, and the rubber match last year saw CH lose again and go Hulkster on everyone. Toned down in 2011 the lower score between the two will force him to wear a cape to one CU home football game. That's it, that simple: wear a cape. So simple, yet so stupid.

YAHOO SLUSHY GUTTER BRACKETS 2011

LINK

ID: 66205

Password: beer

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Down By Law

2011-03-10T05:15:00.001-07:00

A T-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch's grape...

Our great state of Colorado has some of the strangest liquor sales laws. The past few days have seen our new Guv, a former brewer himself, step into the fray and start going Chicago-style politics on the suds rules. Of course, opponents of the Guv and the other side of the issue have collectively pissed their pants and the wheels of government have once again turned a simple issue into a quagmire.

The gist (that word is kind of creepy, a little too close to bodily function) of the matter is the testing of beer at bars as opposed to convenience stores. Why not have some fun with it? Incorporate a drinking game into the controversary.

DRINK ______ IF:

-1 if while you're at a bar the white coat scientists beat up the bartender to test his low alcohol beer.
-1 if you join in the fight simply to get free brew.
-3 if after a few beers you can say 'Hickenlooper' five times fast.
-5 if after a few beers you can work 'Hickenlooper' into a Ghostface-style rhyme.
-2 if you get a C-store clerk to comprehensively break down his favorite double IPA beer.
-1 if after the white coat scientists test your beer and you say "well, am I pregnant?"
-5 if you mistakenly identify the scientist as Bill Nye.
-3 if you mistakenly identify the scientist as C. Everett Koop.
-1 if your local C-store gets shipments messed up and is doling out Coors flavored Icees.
-2 if you use the testing instrument to mainline the beer into your veins.
-1 if you are so blitzed that your bartender serves you water and tells you it's new water-flavored low alcohol beer.
-8 if you pick Hickenlooper or the scientists to win your NCAA brackets.

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The Points Locked Down

2011-03-08T05:51:00.008-07:00

COLORADO SPORTS:

-Will the lockout affect the Denver Broncos negatively? Does Charlie Sheen like snorting drugs into every orifice? One simple fact about football is that you need a defensive line to play it, and right now the Donks don't have many bodies after cutting Justin Bannan and Jamal Williams. Two, unless you are running some colliegiate style offense, it might be wise to have a tight end, and after cutting Dan Graham, they are low on those too. Think young Mr Tebow might benefit from coaching at OTAs rather than some dude in a windbreaker at a "training center"? And where will Knowshon Moreno rather be hurt? The practice field at Dove Valley or at the local park in Athens Georgia?

HIP HOP:
-The only MC to ever rock the padlock look was Naughty By Nature's Treach, and given his stature, no one was gonna give him any crap over it. (Did Naughty By Nature save East Coast Hip Hop when they dropped in 1991? I've never really understood that argument, but they certainly proved it could be commercially viable, as they rode the wave for nearly four years. They might not have saved it, but they helped a rebirth of the region with their style and rugged sound and look.) I always felt Treach never got his due as one of the era's top lyricists, as he proved his flow was unmatched (peep his verse on two non-Naughty records: D-Nice's "Time To Flow" and Queen Latifah's "Rough", where he effortlessly steals the attention from the title MCs.)

BEER:
-Today starts a stretch of boozing events to turn a simple bender into a full blown trip to rehab. Fat Tuesday and plenty of "show me your titties" moments descends today, followed by the St Paddy's Day Parade, the NCAA tourney, and the actual St. Patrick's Day. SG recommended beers: for Fat Tuesday Louisiana brewed Abita; for the Parade you need to go stealth and pour it into a paper coffee cup and the mass brews taste like butt when in those. Go with something a wee bit stronger like a Killians Red, which is still cheap enough to swill lare quantities. For the tourney when you are sitting in front of the TV you gotta roll with someting that fits in your fat slob on the couch lifestyle, say a tall can or 40 of something. Finally you can step it up on St Paddy's Day and rock the Guiness or mass pints of Harp. SG has it on lock, see you in detox.

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Altitude Adjustment

2011-03-03T05:56:00.002-07:00

My man Clarence Cricket sent this little tibit to me:

When Husker head coach Doc Sadler was asked about the altitude during Monday's Big 12 coaches teleconference with the media, he responded:

"I think we play inside, don't we?" Sadler said. "I don't think altitude is something that effects you inside the building. I think it's something that effects you outside the building."

I give CU and their engineering (CU is the largest NASA-funded university in the country; more astronauts than any other school) college all the props in the world for completely de-pressurizing the Coors Event Center. The thought of them spending millions on making the CEC immune from the altitude makes all of us alums and fans proud. Enjoy your full breaths of air, Doc.

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Salty Rockies

2011-03-01T05:40:00.002-07:00

It is early in Spring Training but the undoubted star of the spring thus far is the Rockies new complex in Scottsdale, Salt River Fields at Talking Stick. Some little known SG facts about the new digs:

--The warning track is a mixture of Arizona clay, recycled tires, and burnt Carmelo jersies.

--During the seventh inning stretch of Wedsnesday games, George Frazier and Drew Goodman perform in an 80's glam metal band called Frazier's Lazer.

--Underneath the right field stands there's a doctor who will examine anyone and find a malady for any fan to get out of work/date/yard work/etc. He used to be Larry Walker's personal physician.

--Douchebags who make any jokes about their penis being a "talking stick" are banned for life.

--They tried to bring the humidor to the facility, but the desert air actually turned the baseballs into chocalate covered marshmallows. Dante Bichette was called in to eat the mess.

--Salt River Fields At Talking Stick? I think Ghostface Killah wouldn't even be able to work that into a rhyme.

--The Party Deck is a big hit. Jason Giambi will join you for a beer during the third inning of each game on the deck, but only if he is playing. First base is then manned by a parking cone.

--Great Fan Interaction: to help Todd Helton's aching back, fans are encouraged to lean over the railings and pelt him with horse switches.

--Taco Bell gives out four for a buck tacos if anyone in any Spring Training games actually looks like they aren't counting down the hours till their late afternoon tee time.

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Garden Party

2011-02-24T05:46:00.001-07:00

I don't talk ish
Expand your conciousness and dismiss foolishness...

One game in for the Nuggets and the Knicks, two press conferences, and other tidbits:

-Melo basically said that he was (paraphrasing) relieved that he won't have to carry the load in NY, that he can ride someone else's coattails. All this while his teammate in Denver, Chauncey was seated right next to him. Obviously, he was referring to Amare. Game one, the number two scorer and arguably the best player on the court? Chauncey Billups. F*ck you, Melo.

-Everytime I see Josh Kroenke I can't help but think I used to watch this dude play in Boulder ten years back (I'm sure my dunk ass chanted something to him about "your Dad sells cheap plastic crap and is a driver of harsh capitalism that supresses other business.") Oh, and of course, that whole house party with the coach thing. Ten years from now, will Jacob Pullen be coaching the Rapids?

-Ty Lawson looked like a different player on Tuesday without the vortex that can be Melo. He is one of the fastest pure dribblers since AI. Seeing him and Rajon Rondo go at it could be a matchup of the two quickest in the league.

-It was weird seeing Melo and Chauncey in those Knick uniforms. I guarantee you Melo threw a fit when he was told #15 was off limits (someone named Dick McGuire. Should we say Melo got dicked?) So he took #7. Thanks for muddying the #7 jersey back here in Denver. F*ck you Melo.

-All sorts of VH1 action comes out yesterday about LaLa and her new show. Yoko Ono is impressed. The cat is officially out of the bag, pissing in your shoes and scratching up your leather couch that LaLa was instrumental in driving this to get back to NYC. Could we have at least got Carson Daly in return? F*ck you Melo.

-Sick of Chris Broussard by now? My man Fresh Marcus piped in and pointed the resemblance between Broussard and Redhead Kingpin.

-Don't underestimate the effect Chauncey leaving might have in Boulder. Hell, there's not one, but two 50 foot banners of him in the Foam Doam. Alec Burks recently said the way the team leans on Chauncey was big. From the Buff Nation, f*ck you Melo.

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Melo Over

2011-02-22T05:31:00.001-07:00

Smooth suave savage yet debonair
Come in the party yeah I see you stop and stare

Good riddance. Later loser. He sucks anyway. No defense. Whiner. We’re better off without him.
Some comments from the masses as the Denver Nuggets traded arguably their best player of all time in return for players who will most likely also be dealt, draft picks, and (most importantly to the Nuggets office) cash.

We all understand that Melo didn’t want to be here and that the trade had to happen (as a contingent of Jazz fans recently broke out at a game: “Melo hates Denver!” I wondered, this dude has never said his feelings exactly why he wants to leave our fair city) and it is human nature to take a “don’t let the door hit you on the ass” attitude.

But aren’t we missing the most important thing: that we are all Nuggets fans. And with this trade the Nuggets are becoming a team that is not as good. In fact, before the trade deadline Thursday, this team will be even further down the Western Conference pecking order. A collection of young players, fill ins who are destined for a short career, and injured players with bad contracts (see: Harrington, Al and Anderson, Chris.)

While many are quick to send Melo a big Denver f-you, many have already forgot the late 90s and early 2000s. Seats were readily available at games, heavily discounted (the SG Crew had tickets in those days three rows off the court for less than the cost of a 12 pack), and the fan “interest” in the team was minimal. I went to a season ticket holder “meeting” once with team brass and the gathering fit at a couple tables around the bar.

We’re headed back to those days, the so-called third “Golden Age” (I won’t count the monumental upset of the 94 team as a “Golden Age”) of the franchise will seem like the team was routinely making trips deep in the playoffs with the basketball coming to The Can in coming years. (How quick we will all forget that of the seven playoff appearances, six were one round and done appearances and all of those were decidedly one-sided affairs)

Relish what we had the spanning the glorious Golden Age (Melo’s GW shot versus the Mavs in Game three of the 2009 playoffs being the apex) because we are headed for yet another Fools Gold age.

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