5280: Dog Days

You know I ain't ashamed and you know I ain't bashful
So go on and pop the forty so I can pour me a glassful…

The SG Summer Mission entered the dog days of summer with serious questions, as well as serious drinking by a handful of members. Two-time Slushy Gutter Winner JL Smooth celebrated his birthday with a bevy of Blue Moons, CLs and games of shuffleboard. He also became the first member to pass the 528 mark, blowing past it by Friday night. Across town, Trav took it a bit easy, finally polishing off his Milwaukee’s Best. He then endured more poker tourneys and mass amounts of CLs before taking a mulligan on Sunday.

Current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve spent most of his week dealing with appliance issues. However, as the old saying goes, when buying or installing dryers, drink plenty of Bud Lights. That’s exactly what he did, coming in at 60+ for the week.

Broz may be on the hottest streak of the crew, pushing near the half-century mark. The bulk of Broz’s beers came Sunday, when he heckled one Nomar Garciaparra beyond reproach down at Coors Field. CommishCH swilled his high mark of the challenge, as he tallied 50+ during a mountain respite to Glenwood Springs, CO. Although not as rowdy as years past, ice cold CLs were swilled at 9,000 feet in Marble, as well as the requisite Bud Lights with the hippies in Carbondale.

Former two-time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub came in at a respectable 25+, with a nice chunk playing NCAA 2008. Former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles didn’t fare too well, posting under 20 for the week. Former two-time Slushy Gutter Winner JBiz, the proud new Papa, recorded the lowest tally with four. He is excused due the circumstances.

And finally, the SG Summer’s bottom feeder Slick Rip informed us after his piddly 20 beers that he would be taking the next four weeks off from the count. What!? There’s no breaks in the Mission! With that, we are down to six steady members, one new dad, and one more with another on the way. The Mission is looking tougher as we roll into August and five weekends remaining. The math is looking a bit fuzzy. Guest passes may be forthcoming, and more beers will be swilled. (3215)

Greeley Grinning

Felt like yesterday
When I was a shorty b-boy around the way
Kangol, nylon, Lee suits and Pumas
I had girls from here to Montezuma...


For those of us in the great metro area known as Denver, we are about to be subjected to the annual deluge of media hype/coverage/fluff known as Bronco Training Camp. Like many NFL squads, the Broncos have moved the proceedings to their own facility rather than pack up and head for some remote location at some wayward university.

Count me among the "old schoolers" who miss the old days when the Broncos headed up north for their annual training camp in Greeley, CO. For you non-Coloradoans, Greeley is best known for the punter who stabbed the other puner, and for its pungent aroma due to the city's meat-packing industry. Think "canned fart" smell that's even worse with a strong wind.

Other old schoolers might hark back top the days when training camp started and the endless videotape of players with shopping carts wheeling in their 20" color TVs and in later years their Nintendo/Sega systems. Remember Ron Zappolo, the sports guy? He was to John Elway what Ahmad Rashad was to Michael Jordan. Speaking of Elway, who can forget his knee high striped socks, short Bike shorts, and cut off half shirt, complete with a fresh bowl haircut.

He might be throwing to Ricky Nattiel, who signed a contract after a lunch and jumped into the afternoon scrimmage the same day. Of course he may not play much, as Dan Reeves would bring in 120+ players. Pre-season games would require a long roster or a good memory. Pre-season games would also mean dust, and lots of it from the Denver Bears/Zephyrs/Rockies infield. Reeves would stalk the sideline in his 10 gallon mesh hat, while the players furiously crashed into eachother, something rare these days. On the other side of the field, Reeves' d-coordinator Joe Collier wouldn't be complete without a pad of paper stuck down the front of his pants.

Greeley would always, and I mean always, have hard core thunderstorms at about 4:30 everyday. Training Camp phenoms like Chris Brewer, Blake Ezor, and Joe Dudek, would inspire pretty much no one, although Channel 4's non-stop hype machine would have you believe they were the next Gale Sayers. Those same players and the rest of the team would complain non-stop about the journey up Highway 85 and the tickets they got pegged for. WR Vance Johnson was one; he'd show up with some Prince-like hairdo and you'd have to watch more Channel 4 fluff about his horrendous art.

UNC dorm food, Sammy Winder's Mud Dance, big scaffolding for cameras, kids on the field on their bikes, faded 1977 Super Bowl shirts, a young Mike Shannahan, three ring binders for playbooks, Les Shapiro, big haired groupies, and Clarence Kay in the slammer.

Now things are corporate, stuffy, and Coach Shanny runs the camp down to the millisecond. Air horns are blown, meals are doled out, fans are restricted by yellow-clad guards. It's the ESPN era NFL, big money, bigger egos, big corporations, and a big deal. At least there's not that smell.

The Points

I get money, money I got
Stunts call me honey if they feel real hot...

SPORTS:

***Dan Hawkins says that the Big 12 title is realistic for the Buffs, who are coming off a 2-10 season. Ah yes, and I have a realistic chance of convincing Angelina Jolie to paint my fence in a French Maid outfit. Unless Texas and Oklahoma are leaving the conference for the NFC South, the Buffs chances of winning the whole shebang is about as good as Tim Donaghy becoming NBA Man of the Year. Sorry Hawk, I love your optimism, but... it's the Big 12!

***The Dodgers roll into town for a four game set with the local nine in what could be the biggest series since Lance Painter pinch hit in the 1995 playoffs. 20th and Blake should be rocking as the Rox need to set their sights on taking this series. As laid out, splits and losing series won't cut it. It will be a tough road, as Brad Penney goes and he always seems to work the Rockies over. The Rox bullpen is rested as Aaron Cook threw an unheard of 74 pitches at 20th and Blake in a win versus the Fathers. Ryan Spillbourghs continues to turn heads, as he crushed another jack. Since "Spilly" was called up, the Rox have won twice as many as they've lost.

HIP HOP:

***Just when I was really starting to like 50 Cent's "I Get Money" song that is on blast right now (I'm a sucker for the Audio 2 sample), ol' Currrrrrtis comes out with some ol' bullsh*t in SPIN magazine. He rips into Hip Hop legend (yes, Im calling him a legend- three classic albums will give you that title) Ghostface Killah. I guess with Vitamin Water money now in his pocket, 50 doesn't really give a f*ck who he disses, what type of music he puts out, or bringing back New York. Oh damn, there goes that "Commish is a Punk" diss record from 50.

***The new Sean Price mixtape is out and in the words of Mitch Hedberg, "It's heavy, boyee." Peep the track "BCCC" and you'll know why Sean P is one of the illest cats in the game this summer. As for this being a "mixtape", I'm still confused. It looks like a album, sounds like an album, I have to buy it like an album.

BEER:

***Busch announced that their cheddar is steady rising this past quarter. Well no sh*t; have you seen the numbers posted by a few of the SG Summer crew? A couple of them drink the poison known as Bud Light almost exclusively. Call your stockbroker: buy, buy, buy. Slushy Gutter: drink, drink, drink.

50 - 50 Chance

We used to be number 10,
now we're permanent one,
In the battle lost my finger,
mic became my arm,
Pistol nozzle hits your nasal,
blood becomes lukewarm...

It’s July 25 and do you know where your Colorado Rockies are? 100 games in and they stand at the same place they did on April 2. A stout .500 record, 50-50. Glass half full or half empty?

Look at the record with 62 games remaining. Take a long hard look, because come Friday, Broncomania returns and the Rox go back to the agate print.

Empty: To win the division, one would think 90-93 wins will be needed. Can the Rox go 42-20 over the last stretch of the season? Looking at the inconsistencies at the plate, on the hill, and how the two never seem to mesh, a .675 clip seems unlikely. The Rox can never seem to match up well versus Chris Young, Brad Penney, and the other star NL West pitchers. With the deadline approaching, the Brothers Bozo and Dan O’Dud will make no signal to the team that they are in it to win, further discouraging the squad.

Full: With a big chunk of games remaining versus division foes, the Rox have a chance. But they need to win series, especially versus the distracted Giants. No long road trips are on the schedule, and other NL West teams are older and could break down. The Wildcard is also right there, as the Phillies can never seem to put it together, the Braves are nothing special, and the Cubs/Brewers are, well, the Cubs and Brewers.

5280: Hotter Than July

Drunk as hell but no throwin up
Half way home and my pager still blowin up...

As week Numero Ocho descended on the Slushy Gutter Summer Mission, the crew rallied a bit but not quite enough to get back on the positive side of the ledger. It might have been the 100 degree heat? The mid-summer blues? The cries of the liver?

Needless to say, two time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck was the anomaly of the posse, as he posted 73 beers over the stanza. Among those were a steady diet of Blue Moons and an 18 pack of smooooooooth CLs over one long night. Broz continued his ascent up the ladder, as he downed the pace number of 37. Although his week was sullied by a trip to Fox and Hound, where he railed through some ice cold Tecates but had to endure the short bus collection of imbeciles known as the F&H waitstaff. The Commish didn't fare all too well over the week, as he hit the 25 mark; a few CLs, a couple Tecates, and even managed to sneak in a Lefthand Pilsner on a trip to Nederland.

The Goat faction of the SG Crew: Current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve, former two time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub, former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles, and Slick Rip conquered the oppressive heat and a host of flag football teams over the weekend. They also managed around a 30 beer average, the equivalent of a 10 yard gain in the SG Summer.

Trav took one for the team, downing 11 Milwaukee's Best on Friday so he'd "have some numbers for the week." The "Beast" number 12 still sits idly in the fridge. The week's big winner though is JBiz, who managed to drink a paltry 23 beers. More importantly he, along with Mrs Biz, welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world. Ahhh, how proud she'll be at her wedding when old DadBiz tells the tale of the Summer of 2007 when he swilled 528 beers. Slushy Gutter, indeed. (2882)

Ice-T Live

Out my face, fool I'm the illest,
Bulletproof, I die harder than Bruce Willis...

The What: Me and the beautiful Mrs Commish won some free tickets from the good folks at Basementalism to the Gothic Theater Ice-T show. This is a show I'd probably normally not go to, but who can argue with freebies?

Way Back: Last time I saw the Iceberg live was April of 1992 with my dunn Kid Ci$co (no, 'net haters he is a real person, not a douchebag.) It was at the Glenn Miller Ballroom up at CU, a couple months before the whole "Cop Killer" controversary really blew up. A younger Ice put on a great show of his Hip Hop hits and then essentially restarted the show with Body Count and did that entire album. What stands out to me was his closing lines back then, exhorting the crowd to chase their dreams: "You might be white, you want to rap, fuck it, buy a mic, write your rhymes, and get up here and bust my ass. You black, you want to surf? Damn right, go get yourself a board, because homeboy, I got mine."

The Crowd: This was the most eclectic and diverse Hip Hop show I've attended probably since PE and Anthrax in 1991. You had your underground heads like myself, gangbangers, pimps, the 1993 stoners were in full force, hipsters, hoochies, after-work guy, frat boys, heads speaking Japanese, and everyone in between. Age wise, there was alot of people in their 40s, a few in their 50s, and I kid you not, a smattering of people that were in their 60s. Holla, grandpa.

The Hits: Ice played all his big hits: "Colors", "New Jack Hustla", "O.G.", "I'm Your Pusher", and a disappointing single verse from the classic "6 N tha Morning."

Ice at 45+: Ice-T is still a very talented lyricist. As far as simply being able to understand his flow, even the songs I'd never heard, it was easy. Dude's diction, articulation, and voice are in great shape, and he doesn't mumble. His metaphors and punchlines are still on-point, and he can stilll freak it with the story telling about the street life.

Also Receiving Votes: Ice got into some songs I hadn't really heard in 15 years. "You Played Yourself", "Ziploc", "Girls LGBNAF", and a powerful performance of "The Tower." He did about four songs of his new material.

Evil E- Ice still rolls with the same DJ of 20 years, and homey can still catch wreck. He opened the show with the requisite "throwback" jams (is Method Man a "throwback" already?) He did some ill tricks and even scratched with his toungue, which he says is good also "for eating pussy"

Shots Fired: Ice railed on the "pussy-ass dance music" that "rappers" are putting out in the 07. The only artist he called out by name was Mims, for his laughable hit "This is Why Im Hot." On which Ice questioned how hard it was to write that garbage. In the end, Ice gave him his dap for knowing what to put out to get his.

Take it Back: Mid set, Ice and Evil E had an impromptu Hip Hop trivia session, asking questions about various 80s/90s artists. The Kid was well versed and nailed everyone. It did, however drag on a bit, as Evil played a verse from 8-10 artists being asked about.

Laughing at Yourself: Saying he's "too old for an encore" he asked everyone to just pretend he left the stage and then started to perform his last two songs. At an earlier point, Ice asked who had bought his new CD, then quickly answered his own question: "if you're cheering, you're lying." He directed everyone to his website to download it for free. "I don't need this rap money, I do it for all of y'all."

Ron Mexico...Colorado Rockie?

F*ck that, why try, throw bleach in your eye
Now ya braille in it, stash that light shit, or scalin it...

A little known fact is Michael Vick was drafted in the late rounds by the local Colorado Rockies. We wonder how that would've turned out...

-Base runners might be a tad uneasy in trying to steal second if Vick is playing SS with a rabid pitbull on a rusty chain.

-Humidor is key for storing special water bottles that hold the sticky icky.

-No more playing in the long shadow of legend Steve Bartowski.

-Large Hispanic fan base would love to cheer “Viva Mexico” each time he comes to bat.

-The Colorado Ice Arena Football club could be a perfect fit for younger brother Marcus.

-He’d be able to get huge leads at first due to the fact the 1B might not want to apply tags to his herpes infected body.

-Doesn’t have to play with people named after tiny oceanic organisms.

-When he flips off the Rockies fans with the double barrel fingers, he can claim it is simply the number of games back the Rockies currently are.

-Large number of McDonald’s that attract ahole High School kids provides hours of enjoyment for his younger brother Marcus.

-Pit Bulls might be banned in Denver, but that opens the door for Bad Newz Kennels: Commerce City.

5280: Halfway Home

Kick your dopest rhyme I'll break it up like 3rd Bass

I'm from the crew that sets it off by sprayin beer in your face...

The Slushy Gutter Summer Mission hit the halfway point this week, as the troops tried to keep up with the torrid pace set the previous holiday week. Unfortunately, most of the minions fell off like Barry Bonds' knees. Setting a new low in his lethargic wallow was former two-time Slushy Gutter Winner TDub, who tallied a weak 14 beers over the week. The "fearless" leader Commish, could now be known as the "beerless" leader as he posted only 20 beers; among those were the Summer's first Harp Lagers at the Colorado Irish Festival; Erin Go Braugh, brah! Broz upped the ante a bit, as he swilled nearly 30 beers including a handful at Cherry Creek Reservoir and another first, some ill Hamms beers. Slick Rip also came in the low end, posting in the low 20s and making a Hooters appearance; not sure if he works there or went for the wings? Former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles is becoming Mr. Consistency, as he again came in with a stout number in the 30s, as did former two-time Slushy Gutter Winner JayBiz, who endured a brutal Friday Bachelor Party which cramped the remainder of his weekend.

At this point in the Mission, three riders have separated themselves from the Peloton. Two-time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck again posted large numbers at 60+ as he stomached a huge Vegas trip and more micros. Current Slushy Gutter winner Jeez Steve posted 54 beers, among those were 10+ Bud Lights at the Mile High Nationals. Alcohol fuel dragsters? How appropriate. Trav upped him by two, enduring a few poker games, $5 pitchers at a local joint, and a trip to a foothills cabin which saw him undertaking a Sunday bar crawl.

At the halfway mark, the crew is behind where we need to be for the hallowed 5,280 mark. The end of July, temperatures rising, ice cold beers will need to rise as well. (2579)

Atkins Diet

Well I'll be darned, shiver me timbers, yo head for the hills
I picked a weeping willow, and a daffodil
So back up bucko or I'll pulverize McGruff
'Cause this little piggy gets busy and stuff...

The local NBA franchise cleared up their backcourt situation a bit with the signing of veteran Chucky Atkins. I'm not buying my Western Conference Finals tickets yet, but most of the Powder Blue Nation is content with the signing. Atkins can score, but with Melo and AI, he'll be expected to do the other things for the squad (read: distribute, defense.)

Steve Blake took his hesitant shooting and soccer-looking head to Portland, who I think may have overpaid for his game. Atkins, meanwhile, was practically willing to walk out of the mess that are the Memphis Grizzlies, as he even signed his deal in the Pepsi Center parking lot. Maybe the offices were being fumigated or something? Atkins push-it tempo is desirable to the team as the try to run and be more active on the offensive end.

I expect we'll see Coach Karl even mix it up from time to time with Atkins, AI, and JR Smith interchanging in the backcourt. Former Colorado 14er Von Wafer also might be the wildcard and get some minutes at the 2 spot.

What has really piqued my interest is that Atkins name is Kenneth Lavon Atkins; there's no "Chucky" in sight. Maybe he was a big fan of the Child's Play movie franchise and decided that should be his new name.

Stoopid

The collective brain trust known as the NCAA today leveled their latest round of penalties involving another Big 12 football team.

The Oklahoma Sooners will be placed on two years additional probation, be docked two scholarships over the next two years, and their eight wins from the 2005 season will be erased from their records.

This is a result of two players, including star QB Rhett Bomar, receiving extraordinary payment for work they did not perform at a local booster-owned car dealership. Word is the players received upwards of $17,000; one player was paid for time in which he was participating in an Oklahoma scrimmage.

Basically, the players were being paid to play football by a booster. Think Shaq in Blue Chips.

Flash back to last month. The Colorado Buffaloes were also put on two years probation, docked one scholarship over the next two years, and forced to pay $100,000 in fines to a charity determined by the Myles Brand and his band of merry idiots.

If you placed the two in a the Pepsi Challenge, you'd surmise that CU also committed some blatant disregard for NCAA laws. Maybe a booster was plying recruits with lavish meals, maybe fellow students were writing papers for players, maybe a handful of players were way outside the grade requirements. Wrong! CU's transgression: undercharging walk-ons about 60 cents per meal. Walk ons. I mean, what are we talking about here? Walk ons? A kid busting his rear to just simply don the Black and Gold and get his body pummeled on scout teams was getting an extra Capri Sun at lunch. CU claims it was simply a contractural error, the AD realized it and reported it to the Politburo the NCAA.

Paying scholarship players nice sums for unperformed work. A kid coming up two bits short on a cheeseburger. A similar penalty. Probably only Scooter Libby thinks that is fair.

Something else? The "rule" that CU "broke" won't even be a "rule" come August! I'm not an expert on the NCAA bylaws, but I'm pretty sure that paying players to watch The People's Court in the backroom of Big Oil's Dealership will still be a violation.

Oklahoma has appealed the sentence, while CU has humbly accepted the penalties and will take their licks. They'll have to scrap for $100K; in Oklahoma $100K can be collected from Charles Thompson's old coke routes. Alright, maybe those have dried up, but Oklahoma isn't struggling for cash.

Somewhere along the line, CU has raised the NCAA's ire (hmmm, Sonny Grandelius, Bill McCartney, Rick Neuheisel, Jeremy Bloom, Gary Barnett) as I won't be surprised if they got an additional penalty for letting the players drink water during practice. On the other hand, Oklahoma is a big TV name, has a bevy of national championships, and a big time visor wearing coach who now has eight less wins on his record. And they have a crazy deal for all Sooner boosters at the local dealership.

CU has a few dollars off their Twinkies. Sounds perfectly fair.

5280: Give me Liberty and Beer

I grab the forty rip off the skirt
Guzzle it, grab the mic and come out the woodworks...

When the Slushy Gutter Summer Mission was hatched in late May, one look at the calender pointed to the past week as the perhaps being the highest scoring week among the entire mission. The midweek holiday created a jack off work week, and many simply skipped the second half of the week, therefore creating time for, of course, more beer.

Broz started it proper with a Rockies' game and conversations with tattooed freaks to again come in at the 40+ mark. Slick Rip finally got off the short bus, as he took in a game at 20th and Blake, a few BBQs and almost crapped his pants on his way to 35 swilled. The Commish also managed to take in a win at Coors Field before heading to the summer escape of beautiful Steamboat Springs, CO and notched his first 50 week. The half century mark is old hat for Current Slushy Gutter Winner Jeez Steve, as he posted 58 Bud Lights over the week. Two-time Slushy Gutter Winner Juck one upped him at 59, among those were a few choice micros (Pyramid Apricot, Skinny Dip) and the first Fosters Oil Can of the Summer. Trav also gulped down some Fosters, and went gully on us again with some Keystone Ice tall boys during some poker and BBQ. Former Two-time Slushy Gutter Winners JBiz and TDub both came in at about the needed mid-30s, including sharing a cold one in Eldorado Canyon on the 4th of July. Finally, former Slushy Gutter Winner Pickles also topped the 50+ mark. With the halfway mark of the summer approaching, the so-called "dog days" of waiting for football to start, the release of EA College Football 08, and just general "damn, it's hot, I need a cold one," the crew seems to be hitting their collective stride. (TOTAL: 2255)

These are the Breaks

All I wanna do is shine
Make some loot, and sip some wine
Buy me a mansion then recline
Have all the honey dips wine and grind...

The Rockies hit the All-Star Break at the same spot they were at on Opening Day, a svelte .500. After the debacle that was their last road trip, a stellar 5-1 home stand has them back on the perimeter of the NL West and Wild Card hunt. Now, another 10 game road trip looms. Will the Rockies in the 2nd half:

-Keep playing at a .500 clip?
-Fall off the map at losing a horde of games, making Bronco training camp seem like Christmas in July?
-Make a move at the trade deadline, make a small run at the division, and keeping our attention?
-Fall back out of contention over July and August, only to put together a .750 September while playing versus teams that have already packed it in. Thus finishing again in 4th place, but causing Dan O'Dud and crew to say they're "heading in the right direction" for 2008?

-A member of the grounds' crew will be flung in the air all the way to the Pepsi Center (where he will find more gainful employment with a team that values wins)

King of New York

PSK, we're makin that green
People always say, "What the hell does that mean?"
P for the people who can't understand
How one homeboy became a man...

With the Rockies sweep of the Mets, and their previous sweep of the Yankees, they were dubbed "Kings of New York" by the local sports rag after their 6-0 shellacking of Gotham's two teams. It got me thinking of the 1990 classic gangster flick King of New York:

-The title character, portrayed by Christopher Walken, inspired Biggie Smalls to adopt the character's name, Frank White, as one of his aliases. Easily one of the slickest MC aka's ever.

-The film only netted $2 million at the box office before becoming a VHS/DVD cult classic, especially among the Hip Hop set.

-The music of gangsta rap pioneer, Schoolly D, is featured throughout the film. Amond his joints played are "Saturday Night" and "Am I Black Enough For You?" from his earlier CD releases. He included the title track on his 1991 release "How A Blackman Feels." Peep the video

-David Caruso, Wesley Snipes, Steve Buscemi, and Vanessa Angel all hold roles in their early careers. Lawrence Fishburne holds it down in his role of Jimmy Jump, his last before his breakout "Boyz N The Hood" role as Furious.

-In the initial DVD release, an included extra is about Schoolly D and his snowboarding passion.

-The film had to extensively edited to avoid an 'X' rating.

-Wesley Snipes lived in his car during production

-Schoolly D's track "Signifying Rapper" sampled the Led Zeppelin track "Kashmir." The band sued Schoolly and won a settlement. Ironically, Schooly's early tracks have been sampled by it seems like everyone in the game, most notably the track "Gucci Time"

-Perhaps Schoolly's conflict with rockers inspired his hits such as "I Don't Like Rock N Roll"
and "No More Rock N Roll." The term "long haired freaks better be on guard" was a popular refrain from my crew during our younger years.

5280 Update: Strength in Numbers

Yo, it's the gun-slinging lunatic demon out of hell
Intoxicated punks letting off bad smell...

A happy and safe 4th of July to all! That said, July 4th is the unofficial 1/3 mark of the Slushy Gutter Summer Mission. Let's take a look at where our fearless starting nine stand going into July:

-Juck**- 291 beers - 28 Beers in one day; Zimas don't count for his total
-Jeez Steve***- 262 beers - Bud Light stock has steadily increased in June
-Trav- 214 beers - Marathon sessions knocked out mad beers the past two Fridays
-TDub**- 213 beers - Softball Wednesdays: dive bars, beers, late nights, angry wife
-JBiz**- 199 beers - Days in Canadian outback with 55 beers + moonshine.
-Pickles*- 188 beers - Golf in 100 degree weather? Perfect for 8 beers.
-CommishCH- 184 beers - Ahead of his 2006 original pace
-Broz- 155 beers - No employment lead to big week of drinking
-Slick Rip- 153 beers - Total of 25 last two weeks has lead to charges of blood doping

TOTAL: 1859

*- Former Slushy Gutter Winner
**- Former two0time Slushy Gutter Winner
***- Current Slushy Gutter Winner

I Cook and I Chill

I'm genuine like Gucci, raw like sushi
To stage a rage is what rap did to me
To make me want to create chaos and mayhem
Cold rock a party until the A.M. ...

Colorado hockey fans are in a collective tizzy this am with the signings of Ryan Smyth and Scott Hannan. Smyth has been killing the Avs for what seems like years, and his leadership abilities will compliment captain Joe Sakic. There’s even murmurs of the “C” patch being transferred to Smyth after Super Joe hangs up the skates. Hannan will bring some blue line toughness and an aggressive style Avs’ fans haven’t seen since Adam Foote took his game to Columbus.

Longtime SG readers know I’m pretty much talking out my ass here, the only ice I really know is the massive coolers of beers I lug around. Truthfully, I don’t know crap about either of them except their flowing manes make them look like boutique owners in Cherry Creek rather than hockey studs. Did all the barbers in Canada go on strike?

The two of them parading around with their pseudo Fabio lettuce had me reminiscing of the classic MTV sketch series “The State.” Ahhh yeah, please welcome to the ice, your Colorado Avs, featuring Barry and LeVon. Now if you excuse me, I gotta whisper some sweet love to this pudding…

Elway Day

The king of crowd rockers finally is back
My voice is your choice as the hottest wax
True as a wizard, just a blizzard, I ain't taken no crap
I'm rhymin' and designin' with your girl in my lap...

The crew over at Colorado Homers is trying to get the ball rolling to make this Saturday, July 7 as John Elway Day. 7-7-07. Get it? I hope Karl Mecklenburg isn't upset. They're urging all Broncomaniacs to call the mayor, KOA, your neighbor, the dry cleaners, whoever, to get the word out to celebrate.

Everyone can celebrate in their own way, perhaps watching The Drive or sporting your Elway throwback. Haters will undoubtedly celebrate by wearing Raiders gear or making the played out Mr Ed jokes. The Commish plans on celebrating by drinking Coors Light, the beer old #7 endorsed throughout the years. Gee, there's a stretch. Just for fun, I might prank call Marty Schottenheimer too.