Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Hidilly-Ho-Buffarinos!


Ladies, gentlemen...and low-lifes

Much has been made the past few months about Mike Bohn's decision to scrape men's tennis up at Dear Ol' CU. The tennis community in Colorado staged a small rally, raising a few hundred thousand bucks and the team even peaked, cruising into the NCAA tourney. (NOTE on the Colorado tennis "community"- go to any local tennis court and you'll see more pasty white legs than a crash test dummy factory. The median age here is well over the AARP threshold. No Maria Sharapova's in sight. Damn.) The local tennis peple even went as far as to take out a full page ad in the local rags blasting the AD's decision.

Once again, BDC columnist Neil Woelk provides the voice of reason, asking where these Jimmy Connors wannabees where they were in the first place? Restringing their rackets while enjoying another round of spritzers? Most importantly, it gives us a chance to further advance the theory that Woelk is the walking, breathing version of Ned Flanders.

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Jump Off


We have only thirty-five chambers, there is no thirty-six
I know that, but, I want to create a new chamber
Oh? And what would that be?
...

SG Summer got set off in a big way this weekend. Officially starting at 4:45 am Memorial Day; this was the earliest I'd ever been up, non-work related, even including early football games. Finished the Bolder Boulder with a smooooooth PB and commenced the beer swilling with an ice-cold Michelob Ultra (1) at 8:45am. Breakfast of champions, baby.

Several Coors Lights that were snuck in by former Slushy Gutter Winner T-Dub upped the total. (4)

Live At The Barbeque:
Topics discussed by the crew at the Memorial Day BBQ:

***Brad Maynard versus Maynard. Is there really a difference? Me and E-Train thought the Bears punter was in fact the Tool frontman. Somehow I can't see the Soldier Field Jumbotron playing a singing vagina while Maynard is punting.

***Memorial Day is typically when MLB teams "take stock" of their situation and decide if they can compete into August. The Rockies stand 2.5 games back after a stellar performace by Jason Jennings. I met Jennings once and what I remember is a small disagreement of where he should sign my program. He wanted to on his interior picture, while I insisted on the front cover. The front had a picture of Dinger, who Jennings is shaped like anyway.

***Backgammon. Former Slushy Gutter Winner Juck went all Hef on us and swilled some fancy whiskey while playing. I enjoyed a few CLs to get the total to a respectable level for Opening Day of SG Summer (14)

***Hometown hero Chauncey Billups and his Pistons fall into a 3-1 hole to the Miami Heat. Maybe Chauney is still haunted by the drunken "M-V-P" chants we rained on him at Folsom Field a few years back.

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Friday, May 26, 2006

Set It Off

Let us begin, what, where, why, or when
will all be explained like instructions to a game
See I'm not insane, in fact, I'm kind of rational
when I be asking you, Who is more dramatical?...

THE SUMMER OF 2006

So it has come to this, some BS blog like everyone else and their mother, dog, postman, and local liquor store clerk. Yes, the Man of the People has started his own ish. But I had to get it twisted just a bit; no "this is what I did today: got up, walked my dog, read this interesting/funny story (with link), ate at this crappy place, blah, blah, blah."

There had to be a challenge. What better challenge than a big passion of mine, the sweet nectar of hops and barley, the Golden frothiness, the Jamba Juice of the Mesopotamian G-O-Ds, yes, beer. How many could I suck down in a summer? One per week? A sixer, a twelver? I decided, with my liver's objections, to try for 528 beers this summer. Why that random number? We rest here in the Denver Metro, 5280 feet above all the seaside suckas. Sorry I cant really see me swilling that many, so I dumped the zero and got with this hero: 528.

Break it down: 14 weeks from Memorial Day through Labor Day. That's about 38 beers per week. Now, your local Barney at the pub may do that in his sleep. However, the kid here enjoys his pops, but he's usually a imbiber weekend style. A nice dose Friday through Sunday while kicking it at the game, the BBQ, the party, the local bar, the visit to the vet. Surely this quest will have the kid up his ante to a few more here and there.

I set a few simple ground rules for myself. A beer is a beer, whether it is a 2 liter jug or a thimble full. That's not to say I'll sit at the crib, pouring myself a "little in my hand" and get it up to 1000. Nah, that's not my style, I'm too sophisticated as UTFO onced pined. If a homeboy/bartender/random drunk cat gives me a pint, a mega-mug, or a taster, that's one beer. The beers I down at the hizzy must be in a prepackaged container, I cant break up a standard can of beer into two beers. That being said, I can almost guarantee the reader 90% of my beers will be of the 12 ounce can variety or typical pub pint variety.

That being set out, the site is going to need some Barry Bonds type muscle. Some other ish to fill the pages. That's easy for Commish CH, just add his other passions:


  1. Colorado Sports- Buffaloes, Nuggets, Broncos, Rockies, Avalanche, local players, and whatever else comes down the way Colroado-based.
  2. Hip Hop- anything related to the culure of hip hop. Remember the elements of the culture: MCing, DJing, B-boying, and grafitti. Heavy here on the MCing; we'll take a look back, a look at the present state, and a look to the future of the art form.
  3. More Beers and Slushy Gutter- Wack stories and the like related to beers and the some of the Kid's crew. FYI: The Slushy Gutter has been awarded yearly to the drunkest member of a loose collection of drunkards, derelicts, porn-fiends, family men, hard chargers, and sketchy associates the Kid associates with. All Slushy Gutter winners will be noted anytime they appear on the site.

The one stipulation is that any post must be related to one of the above three pillars of the Slushy Gutter Summer.

I encourage all to add their comments, beefs, suggestions, and general bullshitty to any post. Click the Slushy Gutter Summer banner or 'Home' prompts to get back to the home page. Aiiight?

Nuff Respect Due...

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